I AM AT MY WITS END,my partner is 47 and i am 27..he started working for himself 4 years ago working from home doing web-design..but he,s in his office at home all day and all night,and at weekends..i get no help with the children and our sex life is non existance,i would like to leave,but i do not earn a full tiem wage..i have been unhappy for 4 years now..he quit heavy drinking 4 months ago and spends even more time in the office now.
2006-10-02 02:28:53 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
why not talk to him and mabe try counselling see if you both can work things out
2006-10-02 02:31:18 · answer #1 · answered by angel 36 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have guts use them! Go out and get a full time job and go on with your life for your children, if you can't work full time get on state assistance until you can... He might shap up a bit and if he doesn't then you'll have your own cash &/or the state's help to get you and the kids a different place. You're doing it alone now so what makes the difference if he's there making you emotional weaker or if he isn't?! He is just muerdering everything about you slowly, get out before it's too late... He is wrong and if you tried to talk to him already then what is left? Set your feelings aside, all your emotions and your hurt feelings and low self esteem and rise above it all without looking back, you can move forward you just need to take the steps to start you in that direction! Good luck be strong and don't back down, you have ideas and plans you don't need him to meet them. Best of luck to you and the children... If you leave him make sure you contact state assistance in your area this will only help you to protect your cutody case b/c you will be the one leaving and taking the children to a different location and you want full custody so be sure to take the right steps so that it doesn't back fire....
2006-10-02 10:03:25 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should seek some sort of counceling if you feel that your relationship is worth saving. I was in a 4 years marriage with my ex husband as a computer programmer as well. He NEVER spent time with me or our daughter and I felt like a single parent. I eventually got tired of the lack of attention and found someone that has given me attention in full. I think that if maybe you stick it out a little longer you will find that after he realizes what he has now that he is sober he will change his ways. Maybe he will want to be with the family more rather than the computer. But my best advice would be to just leave him alone and not try to pick a fight with him especially since he is trying to get over his "alcoholizm" Thats hard enough on a person. Once he has his space he will know what he really wants. If you dont think you can goto counceling or if you already made up your mind about leaving, then you should get some assistance from the state and leave. There is always options and you should NEVER feel obligated to stay even if it is financially secure. You will never respect yourself and your child(ren) will see that you are a wreck and will not like the situation anymore than you do.
Has the age difference ever had an effect on your relationship? Think of that as maybe a problem too. You are still trying to find yourself and maybe you just grew up too fast. Lots of things to discuss, so you should find someone to talk to about any of it.
2006-10-02 09:36:29 · answer #3 · answered by jzbebegyrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh sweetie, I think you Should sit down with him and explain that you feel you've lost the person you fell in love with. Marriage is a partnership, and if there's children involved you should try to work through it before giving up. Maybe he just needs a sharp wake up call that he may lose you if he doesn't get his act together. If you really are that unhappy and it's not working, you should leave. I realise bringing up children and working isn't an easy job,but it can be done and there are people who can help you , including your husband who has a duty to his children to make sure their properly cared for. Don't be afraid of change, sometimes it can be a good thing, to make major changes, and you may find that once you make the break you'll be happier for it. Good luck xxxxx
2006-10-02 10:06:02 · answer #4 · answered by crazychicklisieloo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on love...you need to wake up and take control of the situation. You have acknowledged there's a problem which is good, but now you need to figure out how your going to fix it. If you can't make things work with your man, then you need to leave him. You say you lack financial support, then get out there and start earning your own cash. If your kids are young then get a stay at home job or something that can work around your first job which is being a mum. Nothing is going to change until you make it. Have confidence in yourself! Goodluck.
2006-10-02 10:14:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In what way will your life improve if you leave him? You'll be alone, a single mum with no help and struggling to earn a decent wage.
Try and get some advice and help. I know it took a few years for my husband to get his business off the ground. And yes, he'd work all the hours God sends if he could.
Make an appointment with him - seriously. And sit down and talk. Tell him calmly that you're unhappy and you'd like a better quality homelife.
2006-10-02 10:16:39 · answer #6 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you asking us?? The only people to sort this out are you two. It may sound harsh but it is true. Does he know how you feel? Has he even thought about how you feel or is he so focused on his work that everytthing else comes second?? You must confront the issue without it being all about him being wrong ( after all he is working all these hours for you both !!) He needs to think about his priorities - you come first and he work second - but that is really hard for him so talk to him about it. Explain that you want time not money , that you value his work but value him more ) don't forget he is a man so needs to have it explained to him like he is five!! ( i am a man and have my own business . It is hard)
2006-10-02 09:44:22 · answer #7 · answered by ricmau35 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From what you say the problems started when he set up his own business. People who do this very often have to put in long hours just to keeep the business afloat. The two of you need to talk to find out why he has to spend so much time at the office and the effect this is having on you and the family. You need to know this before deciding on your next move.
2006-10-02 09:40:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's quite a big age difference. I've never believed that age really matters as long as 2 people are in love. But it sounds like life is passing you by while you sit back & watch your hubby spend all his time in his office neglecting you, and you're too young for that.
Talk to him & tell him that he's either going to have to start spending more time with you and helping with the kids, or you're going to leave.
Get a full time job & start saving money, circle apartments for rent in the newspaper.... Show him you're serious.
2006-10-02 09:34:57 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Id try and talk to him first, but i know they never listen. If you leave him your in the same boat no help with the kids and no sex life. So i would get a babysitter and go out and enjoy yourself, after all you need a life also. You may find he sees you enjoying yourself and he wants to be a part of it, and join you.
2006-10-02 10:45:05 · answer #10 · answered by cath g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
27 is too young to be stuck in a dead-end relationship with a man so much older than you. In the end, you'll no doubt have to go.
He sounds quite self-centered and at his age, and with the age difference between you both, what have you got to look forward to?
Think about that.
2006-10-02 09:35:40 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋