Anyone out there had such a dilemma? - my best friend has recently divorced after two years of on/off with hubby, spying on him (yes he WAS cheating) - we were like OAP Charlies Angels! I have spent HOURS listening, supporting, helping with her kids, etc. Very stressful. I have only been (happily) married 3 years and just dont need this! How do I tell her that I have my own life to get on with, and not feel guilty being happy with that life! I DO care but I am tired of it all and now even dread the phone ringing in case it's her!
2006-10-02 02:21:49 · 11 answers · asked by sue w 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You have proven to her how much you care for her as a friend with all that you've done for her. She should understand when you tell her that you need time alone to spend with your husband. Do not feel guilty for being happy when she just went through such a terrible ordeal. And don't worry about hurting her feelings if it comes to that. Friendship is give & take. She's taken, now it's time for her to give.
2006-10-02 02:29:38 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her outright ... she knows you've been there for her in her hour of need, so now she should realise that she has to get on with her life herself and leave you to yours.
Tell her that you'll always be her friend, but that you have your husband - who hopefully isn't going to cheat on you like her husband did - to spend some time with. Tell her too that she should get a hobby or join some clubs to meet people, among whom may be another man for her.
If she doesn't like the idea, you should tell her that you won't be at her beck and call and will only see her on your own terms
2006-10-02 02:48:03 · answer #2 · answered by Marinersfan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you love her and she's your dawg but this has to stop you have your own marriage to worry about and you can't keep doing the OAP thing. Tell her you're throwing in the towel and you think she should to. Just forget about the guy and move on and find someone else.
2006-10-02 02:30:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What it seems you are dreading when the phone rings is your own lack of assertiveness with your friend.
You aren't being less of a friend by asserting yourself. Tell her that you want/don't want this or that, and if she doesn't then acknowledge what you have told her you can pull away without guilt.
If she values your friendship she won't want to abuse it.
2006-10-02 02:46:40 · answer #4 · answered by Steve 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my, ive been there and let me tell you it's NOT worth the friendship. In my case she used me for anything and everything she could think off and i got tired of it and broke the frienship off for everrrrrrrrrrr and im so much happier without her around, without her negativity all the time. I used to care but when a friend takes you for granted and doesnt listen to anything you have to say then forget it....im so glad i ditched that woman.
2006-10-02 02:28:54 · answer #5 · answered by apleasure2u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just tell her straight...."look i am so busy with my stuff i cannot possibly come over and help, i need time with my husband ebcause he's tired of me not being here for him...if you REALLY need me, then call...but if it's nothing serious, then just deal with it"....i know you have helped her through a tough time but you need to live your life without her problems piled on top of your stuff...be honest with her...if you don't want to answer the phone...leave it to take the call for you....that's what i do, i just let the phone take the call...
2006-10-02 03:43:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only advise. You're not a paid professional. Maybe her expectations of you are too high. Just be there to listen, as a lot of that stuff is really 'heavy'.
2006-10-02 03:21:06 · answer #7 · answered by Say It Like You Mean It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Surely you helped her through enough lately for her not to take offence, so just tell her. Right now all she needs is someone to be honest with her
2006-10-02 02:30:41 · answer #8 · answered by number1biatch 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know what you ae saying but if your a real friend you will be there no matter what, but if you ar busy just say....can i call you back im really busy at the minute, she will understand. she will get over it in time and thank you for always being there
2006-10-02 02:32:36 · answer #9 · answered by stampy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find her another man and have an honest talk with her.
If she takes offence then so be it, not a best friend
2006-10-02 02:25:07 · answer #10 · answered by Boscombe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋