Pregnancy, time to shut down?

Question

My wife is pregnant and she has taken the sex dial and turned it all the way to the OFF position. She has a mental hangup about having sex during pregnancy, which is somewhat understandable considering the circumstances, and I'm very appreciative of the fact that she's carrying my child and I know it isn't an easy thing to do, but this is pretty hard on me too. Everything is great between us, but the lack of passion takes its toll. I mean, I'm a very sexy man, how can she stay away from me? Stop laughing. Tell me how sorry you feel for me. :)

2nd pregnancy. First one had complications.

Answer 1

Sorry old chap, but you may just have to go buy an industrial sized bottle of lotion!
Seriously though; have you tried to sit down and discuss this with her OUTSIDE of the bedroom environment? In a non-confrontational or judgemental way? If you approach the matter with gentleness, she might be a bit more open-minded about your needs. Sex doesn't have to be intercourse - she COULD very easily offer up a BJ or hand-job (again, offer these alternatives GENTLY!!).

You said "under the circumstances." Does this imply that she's got a pregnancy-related complication, or just the fact that she's pregnant?
If its the former, then hell yeah, she should keep her legs shut!
If its the latter, then you need to have a chat with her OB and have him/her explain that it's perfectly safe to have sex during pregnancy - there is absolultey no harm that will come to the baby.

Some people (men AND women) have issues; they think the baby will "see" them; or that it will hurt the pregnancy; or that it will bring on labor; or that it will hurt the woman. With the exception of the first one, ANY of these could be a possibility, but only the doctor can tell you that it's unsafe. As for the baby seeing - THAT is a complete impossibility; the baby would most likely enjoy the rocking motion sex produces.

If you want, print this out and share it with your wife...or take it to the OB and have it confirmed.
Also, pick up a GREAT book, called "What to Expect When You're Expecting." The authors cover EVERYTHING you could imagine, including sex during pregnancy.

Answer 2

heheheheh...urp. Sorry. And congratulations on the new baby! I can understand where you're coming from; being a hot, sexy chick myself (hehehehe), but I can also see where she's at, at least a little bit. Sex is a big part of a loving, caring, adult relationship, and when that disappears, the other person feels like they aren't loved as much as they were before.

I would talk to your wife about the problem you both are facing. It's not just your problem; it's her's too. Ask her if she's missing the closeness that you two used to share, and also ask if there's something that you personally could do to make her feel better about it. (You could suggest a massage.) LISTEN to her answers. If she can't come up with anything (or maybe even if she can) I would also suggest going with her to her next doctor's appointment and asking her doctor about it. Usually, unless something is really wrong with a woman's pregnancy, the doc will say that it's perfectly okay to continue to have sex, at least until her water breaks.

I'm wondering, too, whether she's a religious sort. That might explain her hang-up with this. If that's the case, perhaps a visit to her pastor, minister, or whatever is in order. You might want to talk with him or her in private first, and explain the problem. It would be good to know for certain if he or she is going to be on your side before you go in.

Now, romance might be just the ticket, though. The weather might still be nice enough to go out for a well-planned picnic in the park or something like that. Bubble bath, anyone?

Are your finances in decent shape? This may be a factor. If she's worried about where the money is going to come from to raise this baby, that can be so stressful that her desire is gone.

And maybe you could talk to her mother and/or yours. If they get along with your wife, it's possible that one or the other of them might be able to turn her around.

I wish you the best of luck, buddy. This is everything that I could possibly think of without more details. And yes, I'm sorry for you!

Answer 3

You can still be intimate without having intercourse. It sounds like that's what she's specifically trying to avoid. It won't hurt the baby, but if it's her first pregnancy, I can see why she would be a little unsure about the whole thing. I was the same way with my first. My poor little hubby just went right along with everything. He was a real understanding sweetie. I'm sure she appreciates you for your understanding.
You can try "other means" of being together in a sexual way, like cuddling, and such....
Let her know (carefully) how you feel, and throw out some suggestions to her, or better yet, light some candles and give her a little romance to get her in the mood without mentioning it at all. That way she'll be more relaxed, and it won't be on her mind as something she HAS to do for you. It will just happen on it's own.

Answer 4

I understand how you feel. I'm pregnant and wanting sex now more than ever...my husband (a wonderful man) is going to school and working full-time. He's all stressed and doesn't seem to have time to have sex :( Anyhow, why don't you try going with you're wife to her next Dr.'s visit and bringing up the idea of sex? Unless she's a high-risk pregnancy, the Dr. will tell you both that sex is safe! Maybe she's afriad to hurt the baby and that will help her relax. Also if she still doesn't want intercourse see if she'll have oral sex (that's what high-risk pregnant women often do). Maybe since you're sooo sexy, you can turn her on and offer to give her oral...Good luck, hang in there I know it's hard...lol.

Answer 5

How far along is she and what are these circumstances?? I am 37 weeks pregnant and I still give it up. I have this whole time and I actually stopped enjoying myslef at about the middle of my second trimester but I will do whatever I can to make my boyfriend happy, I love him and it's not his fault I'm too big to have a nice time. He appreciates that I'm carrying his baby too and doesn't EXPECT me to put out but I do. Maybe not as much as before, but I do. LOL, I'm sure her sex drive is a bit off, have you discussed this with her?

Answer 6

I can tell you that at first, I was too worried to have sex. I was having a lot of pain(which I figured out later was just gas) and was scared to death that I would do something to harm the baby. I got over it...

Talk to your wife and let her know how you feel about the matter. Be sensitive and in tune to her needs though...her body is going through a lot right now.If she is concerned that having sex will somehow harm the baby, encourage her to consult with her ob/gyn or midwife. They can assure her that sex is perfectly safe for both her and the baby.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I'm sorry that this is going on. I have four children and I was never like that, so I can not relate BUT I will give you some advice :) Maybe she feels unattractive, I suggest you buy her something that she will feel really sexy in and give it to her with a card telling her how beautiful she is. Send her to the salon for a day away also. I hope it gets better :)

Answer 8

I am very sorry for you!!!
Every woman is different, and every pregnancy too. She wants sex, she really does, she just wants comfort more! You don't say how far along she is, but for most women it's more sex wanted in months 5-6. You will still be sexy when she recovers, and though it won't be as often or as uninterrupted, you will get your groove back. Try to be loving and attentive, she really needs more during pregnancy.

Answer 9

You didn't mention how sorry we should feel for your wife. Yes, I imagine you miss sex, but she's not only dealing with being pregnant, now she's got guilt for cutting you off too.You didn't mention, but I'm assuming this is your first baby. I felt the same way with my first child, but I have to tell you, once I hit 6 months that switch got turned to very high; I just could,t get enough.

Answer 10

Sex is a good thing during pregnancy. It helps keep all your important muscles toned, and in proper shape to be able to deliver the baby easier. Make sure you let her know that she is even sexier now. Buy her a good pregnancy book. Good Luck!