how far into a relationship would be suitable to start trying for a first child?

Question

After leaving my husband earlier this year due to many reasons but a few main ones were: He didnt want to setup our own home (he wanted to live with his family forever), He spent all the money on unessecasry items, he didnt want a family etc (aswell as other things) I thought i'd given up any hope of finding someone and settling down with a nice home and family. However something unexpected happend and i met a really nice, genuine, decent bloke, i can tell he loves me and yes i have to say it, i love him too. We have talked about having a family and a nice home and he feels the same as me, we cant wait to start tryimg for our first child. The thing is we have only been together for a couple of months, i feel ready and so does he, but what do others think?

Answer 1

I was with my partner for 5 months when we got married (now for 4 Yeaers) We started trying for a baby about six months into the relationship.so its when ever u feel ready and sure that u both want 2 have a baby good luck

Answer 2

You don't say what age you are, if you are very young with lots of fertile years ahead I would say wait and see, because 2 months is early in a relationship to truly know what that person is like - it's a honeymoon period when chances are you only let each other see the good side of yourselves!

Also, it is nice to spend time together & enjoy being just the two of you, before a baby comes along, making you tired, changing your body. It certainly puts a dampener on your sex life & finances for a while!

On the other hand if you're more mature & don't have too long left to get pregnant I'd say go for it sooner than later. Nobody knows what the future holds, some relationships work out some don't & even being married many years doean't make you immune from breaking up.

If being a mum is really important to you & you would be comfortable with single parenthood even if the relationship ended, then I guess go ahead, but if you feel you only want a child if your partner will be in it for the duration, then it would be wise to wait a little longer to make sure this is the case.

I adored my former partner for the first 8 months, & only once I was pregnant his failings became apparent. He said he wanted a baby but couldn't be less interested once it happened.

Also there is loss of income to consider if you have to give up work - being suddenly dependent on another person is scary! He may have debts you don't know about. If you are unable to have sex or put on a lot of weight, will he cheat? Will he start treating you different when you're no longer in a position to leave as easily?

Think it over, I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide. x

Answer 3

if you want to aviod repeating mistakes, please wait until you two have known eachother for a very long time. Perhaps your ex told you he wanted all the same things in life that you did and then took it all back once you were married, or perhaps you went into that committment without really knowing where he stood on some of these big issues. Unless you know someone really really well, it's hard to gague if an initial infatuation will turn into a happy ever after. Realtionships are work, and in every case, time reveals kinks that need to be worked out. Bringing a child into the world is not something that should be rushed into. You two will be better parents once you become better friends. Don't rush this.

To play devil's advocate, let me remind you that myself and almost every other woman out there has had a disenchating expereince with a lover once the "honeymoon" phase has worn off. People change their behavior once they become more comfortable with you. Usually, a whole year of dating will reveal a new side to a person. Also, you may be seeing what you want to see in light of your unfufilling marriage.

All in all, I really think you are jumping the gun, and if you two really do love eachother, demonstrate it by taking the time and giving the relationship space to mature, and don't rush into this. If, even for the simple reason that it will give you more time to have fun with eachother before a baby changes your responsiblities and your life.

Answer 4

Don't you think you should wait and see if this relationship has any staying power first? A couple of months isn't a lot of time, you two probably haven't even been totally yourself with each other yet. Let the relationship grow for a couple of years first, enjoy the time you have together because after you have kids everything changes. Don't rush into something you'll have to live with (and will effect the life of someone else) for a long time afterwards.

Answer 5

If you feel that you are both ready now then do it! Never put a time limit on LOVE. NEVER. Love happens at a drop of a dime at times. Sounds to me like you guys are both serious about each other and want a nice long future together. If the time is right then go at it. Just talk to him again and ask him when he feels ready. Communication in a relationship is one of the most important things.

Answer 6

well done for having the strenght to walk away from a bad marriage not many people could do that! to answer your question i think only u know the answer, b/c everybodys different some might say wait a cple of years, get married first or even try living together first but its your life and only u can make that decision, me personal i came off the pill within mths of meeting my now husband and it took about 6 mths to fall pregnant we went on to have 2 more children and got married only 5 mths ago after 6.5 years and were planning on baby #4 soon so if you want it, then have it. best of luck to you!!

Answer 7

Please make sure you are not wanting a baby more than you are wanting him. Dont have a baby to feed your insecurity or feel loved unconditionally, or to prove something to your ex.

If he is the one (and I hope that he is) waiting 6 months to see how it goes will be easy. Set up home together and borrow any babies in the family for a weekend - it will give their parents a break and give you a taster for a couple of days. Make sure you are dealing with the reality - not the dream when making this decision.

Good Luck x

Answer 8

I think that if you both feel ready then go for it!
My partner and I were together 3 months when I fell pregnant. Although I knew him for a few years before we got together, we fell in love straight away and decided we wanted a family together.
3 years later, we are still going strong!
If you both feel ready and your sure your love can stand the test of a baby, then go for it, but remember a baby won't bring you closer, it's bloody hard work and if anything it means you'll spend alot more time apart!
Good Luck and do whatever makes you happy! xxx

Answer 9

make sure you are willing to commit to each other before making a life long commitment to having a child....ask yourselves are you ready for marriage..which as you know its necessarily for life...if not then how can you be ready for a child who your commitment, support, love etc is for a lifetime? don't mistake lust, new love and a decent bloke for real love and commitment. if either one of you is unsure, wait a couple of months and see how things are...with your first husband i am sure things were great at first but then the reality of marriage and commitment set in and you experienced first hand what happens, now add a child to the mix....remember a child never heals or saves a relationship....they divide your time and if you are not committed entirely then this relationship will end too and you will not only get hurt but your child will. if this relationship is rock solid then waiting a few months will not damage it, in fact it will strengthen it.

Answer 10

You need to slow down. Do the marriage thing if you must but take the time to really know this guy before you decide to procreae with him. Children are for a lifetime even when you are not around day in and day out.

Make sure the rose coloured glasses are off before you go ahead with this.