AM on weekends, He talks on the phone to his friends, and the whole time he is drinking fast, when he gets off phone, he is drunk, sometimes wants to fool around but he is repulsive and I just can't handle it. If he naps say on saturday, he gets straight up and starts drinking, he is usually smashed by early PM, we argue alot because I won't go out to eat with him drunk, or won't let him get sexual with me. Sunday, I go to church, he starts drinking and he usually sits on the couch and watches TV ALL DAY, he does not have anything to talk to me about, the only thing he wants with me is sex and is usually repulsive about it. He does not do anything to help me with the house or yard EVER he just sits and drinks and talks on the phone. We can't go anywhere together without him smelling like liqour. which is totally embarrassing. He is a good provider and works everyday, so he does not consider himself an alcoholic. What can I do, I am at my wits end, it is to where he repulses me.
2006-10-02 00:34:24 · 18 answers · asked by tried it all 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have told him how unhappy I am, and have told him the marriage will not last if he doesn't try to get help. He will show improvement for maybe 1 week, then it is back to usual. I did throw him out of the house for the same reason bout 4 years ago. He begged and promised till I took him back only for him to go to a stronger alcohol. When it really gets dirty, he threatens to clean out the house and leave me sleeping on the floor. I work only part-time now (he uses that to his advantage) but am going into fulltime in about a month. I am insecure, I know. I do love him, but am quickly falling out of love, he has let hmself go, sometime he doesn't bath from friday nite till sunday, sometime monday. he lets his hair go and is really looking bad, Do you think it is something I am doing? should I just give in to him sexually when he is drunk and smelly like that? do you think that is the problem?
2006-10-02 01:06:39 · update #1
Your correct in your assessment of the situation. Added to the fact that you are a regular church goer your sensibilities are especially keen to this behavior. You are in an awful quandry. You stay because of your spirtual obligation or do you leave him to his own devices. If you have children then they are being affected by the proverbial pink elephant in the living room. He will however, have to hit rock bottom before he will admit he has a problem. You can't really expect him to listen to you and not bring alcohol home but what you can do , is throw it down the sink every time he does. He will get angry and the intensity of the anger will be your marker as to his addiction and you can use this to show him that he has a serious problem. I wish there was an easier answer for you. All I can say is keep yourself safe.
Best Wishes.
2006-10-02 00:51:16 · answer #1 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH MY GOD! There is someone else out there in the same position as me!?? I didn't think it was possible! My boyfriend drinks alot and turns mean and i'm scared of him. When he's sober he's a much nicer person, but as soon as he starts drinking he's a regular jekell and hyde. And god forbid he not drink and save some money or if he's in the mood to get into anything else (drugs) and can't find what he's looking for, than hells fury is unleashed. He's emotinally and verbally abusive and it has recently escalated to me getting dragged across our apartment by my hair, cause he was soo drunk he thought i was cheating on him, which by the way - he's the one who made the daughter with his ex during our first year together - i'm not like that. He never says i'm sorry and i can't go shopping for simple things like bread and milk without having a panic attack in the gorcery store, cause what if i buy the wrong thing? if i get the wrong thing than i'm in trouble...... I'm sorry i don't have and answer for you. But try and hang in there if you think there is a futre...all i can offer you is a sympathetic shoulder....maby you can be one for me....
thanks
ang
2006-10-04 09:45:38 · answer #2 · answered by Angie H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your spouse is in denial. HE's and alcholic. Until he himself recognizes that he is an alcoholic he will never accept HELP for the drinking problem he has.
He needs to ask himself...could he go a day with out drinking? Could he go a weekend w/o drinking? He'll probably answer NO..
You hubby is certifiably an alcoholic.
It will only be a matter of time before his drinking starts affecting his job preformance. He probably is drinking (sneaking) on the JOB as well. Don't kid yourself that he only does it at HOME!!
2006-10-02 00:57:21 · answer #3 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun, I am going to try to help you by a man's view. I was that sort of man that drank all the time, married 16 years. I always got threatened and got help to please the ex wife. I would go back to it. I was in my own little world. Well before I knew it I was out of the house and living alone. I don't blame the ex for doing that to me and I do think it helped me. I got remarried 3 years later and don't drink. Sometimes a change like that will be better for the both of you. It was not easy to go through, but it had to be done. Maybe your situation will be different and he will quit drinking before you have to go through what I did. He can only stop for himself.
Rob
2006-10-02 00:46:04 · answer #4 · answered by bor_rabnud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband and my ex should become drinking buddies. They sound like a great pair. Mine did the exact same things. Needless to say, I left him for someone with more control over their drinking. I'm much happier now.
Threatening to kick him out of the house isn't harsh enough because in the back of his mind, he thinks you'll always come back. He needs to know that you're actually capable of leaving him.
Start looking around for a new relationship. I know it sounds bad but you need to get your self-esteem back. When you find someone new, you'll either find it easier to leave your husband or it will scare him so badly that he may try harder to stop drinking. Put the REAL fear in him and see where that leads.
My ex, sadly, is still a drunk. It hurt me to leave him but he made his choice and I made mine. Life is honestly so much easier without the drunks and the embarassment and the abuse and the limpness/liquor stink.. hehe I know what you mean.. sooo gross!
2006-10-02 02:06:39 · answer #5 · answered by •√¡rgő• 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that he is an alcoholic. I was married to one for many years. You love him and you think that it's something you are doing wrong. My husband came from a family of alcoholics, but it took me some time to realize that I wasn't the problem. You need to educate yourself on alcoholism. You NEED to find yourself an Al-Anon meeting near you. Al-Anon is a group made up of family members and friends of alcholics. They help you take control of your life and help you stop blaming yourself or giving in to the alcoholic. Alcoholics are manipulative and they know how to pull your strings.
Go online and find the nearest meeting. You can also find all kinds of information on alcoholism. Since he doesn't admit to being an alcholic, you may be able to do an Intervention. Which consists of several friends and family members confronting the alcoholic. There also has to be an experience person there with you guiding everyone on the intervention and ready to take him to a detox center and later a rehab. I did it for my husband. He's gone through 4 detoxes and 1 rehab, but unfortunately has remained an active alcoholic. After so many tries, we are now separated and he's found himself an alcholic woman to share his drinking and time with. But I loved him enough to let him go, because in the process I learned to love myself more.
If you need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to reach out to me. Talking about this is a good thing for you.
2006-10-02 01:30:07 · answer #6 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yesssss. There is a problem and it is now an addition. Alcohol is like any other drug and is addiction. He needs to seek help if the relationship is going to survive. I know how much this hurts but you just can not be with him when he is drunk. Have him go to AA or some other support group for help. If he won't you need to leave until he is completely sober
2006-10-02 01:26:42 · answer #7 · answered by Mike 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex husband was the same way. First of all you've got to understand that if someone doesn't feel they have a drinking problem chances are slim your going to get them in for help. You could first try telling him how unhappy you are with his drinking and that you feel if it continues your marriage won't last. Maybe it will open his eyes. And even suggest seeing a marriage counselor. If things continue as they are then you've got to decide whether you can live with things this way otherwise get a divorce. Good luck to you.
2006-10-02 00:49:58 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcohol is a huge problem in this day and age. First all alcoholics are in denial and need to admit that they have a problem before treatment can begin. You can not change him and all your efforts will cause resentment. All you can do is to change yourself. The first thing you can do is only do things which will please you, do not rely on him for your happiness. Join an alcoholics anonymous group for therapy for yourself as a partner, they can teach you how to cope. If you do not love him, move on as you are only cheating yourself if you stay because he is a good provider. If you do love him try to focus on telling him about the nice things about himself other wise it causes a vicious cycle when he knows full well what a dissappointment he is to you. Try to be patient as alcoholism is a disease and requires love and understanding. Good luck.
2006-10-02 00:58:10 · answer #9 · answered by rubyflats 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take all the liquor bottles out and hide them. When he comes home it will start a conversation. Explain to him that you will give he what he treasure more, but first listen to you. Make sure the phone isn't on (but keep the cell near for emergency) Tell him just what you told a hundred million people and see what happens. Don't talk down to him, give him small goals to achieve without killing his manhood. If he ignore all and demand his bottle obviously he rather be marry to his bottle than you.
P.S. Not judging size, but a bottle doesn't have a lot to work with when it come to sex.
2006-10-02 00:55:48 · answer #10 · answered by 504Boy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋