The most painful thing which goes through my mind that my wife would be with some one else after divorce,,,,,I dont know if this is jealousy or something but its really bothering me and then there more importantly MY SON,
Now you ppl. would be saying that why i was divorcing so the answer is I dont want to its my wife.
Please give your opinion and share your experiences, Thanx!
2006-10-01 19:42:03 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all i would really like to Thank all you friends out there who spared time and shared their thoughts/experiences regarding my situation.
I wanted to add more details regarding my wife coz we had a 13 year old relation before we got married and we were Teenagers when it started got maried in 2003 had my son in 2005 and the shocking thing which i could never figure out is that she and all the women in her family they do this that after getting married they want divorce and start looking for fresh blood (yes thats what i would call it) coz they are fater Money and thats what makes it even wose that she has cheated me but now the little one has to auffer due to her cold and selfish behavior.
Let me tell all of you that i aint going to let go that easily but when i would finally then she would regret for the rest of her life thats is something i am 100% sure about.
Thanx!
2006-10-01 20:33:04 · update #1
Leaving someone after so many years feels like the world has ended! But as long as you know that you did what you had to do to make it work, life goes on. You have a son from the life that you had with that person, which would should be your main reason for staying strong. You will know that you truely loved that person when you do the hardest thing in the world............let go. Learn from this experience, and when the time is right, you will find someone who is truely your sole mate and wants to make t work. Hang in there!!!
2006-10-01 19:50:37 · answer #1 · answered by girlz2415 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the feelings you have now and the feelings you would have if you divorced would probably be independent to you alone. However, I can say that you will probably go through the entire spectrum of emotions before you've resolved any issues you might have. My first wife and I split up after only a few years of marriage. We had no kids, we didn't own a home or major joint investments yet, so the split was pretty easy, but you find stupid reasons to make the other person feel like crap because you feel betrayed, let down, put aside and abandoned. The biggest hurdle is the anxiety of being alone. Chances are you'll search out some sort of companionship, maybe some friends, maybe some girl(s) you don't know and try to latch onto something famiiar, but what you really need to do is start feeling ok with being alone. Once you do that, you're ready to start fresh. Until then, it's going to be a bumpy road for both of you and your kid.
As far as your boy is concerned, you're going to have to let him go through his own emotions as well. He'll have reasons to hate one or both of you. He'll latch onto one more than the other. You cannot use that against each other. He's not a pawn to be played, and I'm sure you are aware of this, but trust me when I say that things will happen and you'll want to get a leg up. Just always keep his best interests at heart and make sure that he understands you're both still a part of his life, things will be ok eventually.
I hope that none of this happens though. I hope that you're able to reconcile your differences. I'm not a religious man, but a conversation with God (Jesus, Allah, Buddha or whoever you pray to) couldn't hurt and you might find the answers you're looking for. Best of luck.
2006-10-02 02:56:15 · answer #2 · answered by Dave C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard. No matter which side of the fence you are on, wanting the divorce or not wanting the divorce it is extremely hard. It is because you have failed at the most sacred promise that can be made between two people. Regardless if your wife wants this divorce, you can rest assured that same thought is running through the back of her mind as well.
My advice to you... stay busy. Also, stay involved in your Son's life. It seems that sometimes men tend to pull away from dealing with the kids because having to deal with the mother can be too painful. I don't care if it rips your heart out every time you have to face this woman, do it for your Son's sake. You won't be sorry in the long run. If your son plays sports, go to his sporting events. If he is too young to play sports, when he can, get him involved and you get involved right along with him. You are always going to be his Dad but you need to be his friend.
You are going to go through many stages. The hurt stage, the mad stage, and sad as it is, you almost have to go through the I have hate for her stage just to get over her. That usually leads to the you and your then ex-wife can be friends stage. The day will come when you will be able to remember the happy times and you will better be able to cope with why this happened.
Your wife very well may become involved with someone else. If it can't be with you and if you love her still, you really don't want her to be alone do you? There is a good chance that you won't be alone either.
Even though you and your wife are getting divorced, you, your wife and your son will always be a family as long as your son is alive. Remember that. Your son will need to know that.
Most importantly, take special care of yourself. If you have spare time on your hands, find a hobby. If you are lonely, get out amongst friends. Make new friends. Become a "big brother". You have alot to offer to someone. Don't allow yourself to shut down.
Divorce is hard but it doesn't have to be the end.
You take care... Hope this has helped....
Tammy
2006-10-02 03:08:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
matey its very hard the position you are in, first you need to think of your son. And thats proberly what you are doing.too much.
Its Hard when your future seems like it is all turned upside down
an its not going to end the way you want it to, an your partner wants go on in a diffrent direction,,remember this but your son will always be your son make him proud, you can do this sometimes by letting people go, imagine your partner is a butterfly an you are holding her in your hands, then think about some old sayings like if you dont let something go how will i ever know will it come back to me.,sometimes when you let things go an let them fly your realationship begins a new level an its not as bad as it seems at the moment, sometimes were better of to be good friends. an your wife an son will need you as a good friend ,
dont be like some bloke an end up sitting on a bar stool,
also you should see someone you can talk with about that can be confidential an listen, like your doctor or closest friends family an plenty mens groups like Men in Distress
2006-10-02 03:00:16 · answer #4 · answered by GOOCH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You surely love your wife and its a pity she cant see that. But if you think you can make her understand, then do so. Never give a kid's sake, to let her stay back with you in this marriage, coz a woman looks forward for her hubby's love most of the time.In today's era, divorce is a 'No Big Deal' n it has become quite common, n we have to bear it sometimes. Its hard at first but you can get used to it. Think abt ur son, who is there for you. To cheer you up n I think ur wife dont deserve a loving hubby like u. Its a big world, u may find a much suitable partner for u who loves u. So stop cryg over the thought tht she will be sleeping with another man n all...Coz if she dont care abt u, let her go, if she comes back, she's urs n if she doesn't ...she never was!
2006-10-02 03:01:31 · answer #5 · answered by Tina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll go through several stage, some at the same time. Pain, terror, agony, loneliness. It sucks. It can be worse than a death - when someone dies they leave forever, but they didn't willfully chose to leave you. In my experience nothing is more painful then when the person you expected to spend your life with tells you she's leaving for good.
Eventually you'll see her flaws, and you'll be able to analytically see where you two were incompatible. And after that you'll start hooking up with other women who have all the wonderful qualities your wife had, but don't have the traits that drove you two apart. And you'll eventually find someone else to love.
That is, unless you let the bitterness consume you. Then you'll never get over the pain and the rage and you'll never be able to have a meaningful relationship again. That happens to a lot of people. Hope you're not one.
Time heals all wounds, just don't let the wound fester.
2006-10-02 02:51:26 · answer #6 · answered by ZenPenguin 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its sad that so many men find themselves in this spot ,I can only tell you it from my side ,I would have stayed married if my husband had just done the right thing ,he said after the breakup that he didn't want it ,but he did nothing during the marriage to help me save it .So he was really upset and hurt ,he said he couldn't stand the thought of me being with another man ,the thing is ,he had a chance to save things and he didn't .so I moved on ,it wasn't till two years later that I met a man and by that time my ex had a girlfriend too so it wasn't a big deal.so move on ,do the right thing for your son and take care of your self ,If its too late to fix then you need to grieve and then move on.
2006-10-02 02:54:06 · answer #7 · answered by stephanie n 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your same situation happened to my next door neighbor who is a friend - his wife wanted the divorce, he didn't and it happend anyway - he was crushed for a little while, then a little angry, but within a few weeks, he started to get over it and now he's happier than I've ever seen him. So, it does hurt for a while, but you do eventually get past it and on with your new life!!
Good Luck!
Aloha!!
2006-10-02 02:52:02 · answer #8 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes a person has to do what is best for them both i was in your shoes in.2003 . i thought my world had ended but after a while it seems less than yo might have thought and this is really hard to say it still bothers . but you in time will adapt and find a person that you love. and trust. but you never forget. ?
2006-10-02 03:28:34 · answer #9 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left my wife for another woman, and my wife was hanging out with this guy all the time, it pissed me off so much, and I got back with her, i mean dont get me wrong i missed her, i dont even know why i left her, that guy that she was hanging out with was the reason i left. Hes out of her life, we moved three hours away from him, and plan to move to Colorado next year.
2006-10-02 03:19:52 · answer #10 · answered by unknown, 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋