my wife's giving birth.?

Question

my wife is giving birth next month and i am not sure if i am ready for our 5th baby what should i do to cope with being a dad of 5? our 4 kids now are ages 13,9,6 and 3 the 3 yr old is the only girl even after the 5th one is born...what should i do to the boys so they stop hating her? they tease her and my wife gets the girl and puts her in the playpen she asks the boys to stop but well they dont...but my real concern is how to cope with the 5th baby

i would have my wife tie her tubes after baby #5 anyway she like em' to tie them up too i dont spank my kids time-outs and taking away of priveleges are ok though and my little girl is now crying i better take her to the playpen

im going to take the playpen down tomorrow thanks pin for reminding me of that..........i spend lots of time with my kids.....8 hours a day

everyone meet my wife PEDIATRICIAN

Answer 1

If your older 3 kids aren't pitching in around the house, now is the time for dad to put the smack down! :) They are old enough to help and make the transition smoother. As far as coping in the short run, I'm guessing it is the same for any baby--stock your fridge with easy to cook stuff, get help from people around you, lower your expectations for a little while, make sure you spend some time with your wife and the new baby alone.

In a big family, my guess is the best way to cope is to integrate the new baby into the family as quickly as possible. Put the baby in the front pack or stroller and go to the older kids soccer game. Let everyone (except maybe the 3 year old) take a turn with diapers, holding, playing with him. Put the baby in the car seat and go everywhere you'd normally go. He will probably learn to take car naps a lot. It would seem that five won't be much different than four once you get over the first three months or so. Give yourself some slack to learn a new routine and everything will be fine.

Answer 2

The father of four children should not have that much trouble dealing with 5. The first thing you should do is take a deep breath and calm down. At age three it is not uncommon for older children to not want her around. I would suggest you have each of your boys spend 30 minutes a day playing with her. She would receive 90 minutes of attention and the boys would only have to spend 30 minutes each with her. Be strict tho! This is her time. Whatever she wants to do is what the boys should do. Eventually she will calm down herself once she understands she is loved and part of a family. She is the youngest. The oldest got all the attention at first. When #2 came along I would bet he was a bit louder than #1. And as each new child is born into the family they are compelled to act up or scream because they want to be given as much attention as the boys are getting. #5 will be a handful I'm sure. But don't look at it as "OMG what am I gonna do!!??" Try to think about 5 years down the road. Your 18 y/o son will be out of school, your 14 y/o will be more active with kids his own age, your 11 y/o will treat the 8 y/o better and your loving 8 y/o girl will be dressing up the 5 y/o in dresses. When that happens get back with me. That's a whole new can of worms!! :)

Answer 3

You can't stop 13, 9 and 6 year olds from 'hating' and teasing your three year old? Have some backbone and get some discipline in your house. I also wonder what message your boys get from your relationship to your wife - it doesn't necessarily follow that boys will gang up to pick on girls. Come on, she's three - she's still a baby - at least stand up for her now. You know you can do it.

Answer 4

You can continue till you have 11 and make a football team.
For the girl,she will be somehow boyish when she grows up but no problem .I saw a family with 4 or 5 boys and 1 girl.They were friendly when they were teenagers.
Goodluck

Answer 5

One of the things you might want to do with the boys is sit them all down and talk to them about responsibility. Point out that as older brothers, it is their job to take care of the littler ones, not tease them. Have then do some introspection on this - ask them if they like being teased all the time, and how it makes them feel. Then ask them if they hate their sister. I'm willing to bet they say they don't. Then ask then why they treat her as if she's one of their worst enemies. If they say they don't, tell them that that is the way she sees it, with them being so mean all the time. Then ask them to brainstorm with you things they could so for their little sister that are nice things. Guide this part well, dad - bringing her worms, while might be nice for the 6 year old, may not be her favorite thing,

Since I'm dealing with a teen boy myself(and have dealt with several hundred in the classroom), I know that age can be very hard for boys. As the dad, maybe you need to spend some time with him specifically alone. Find a common interest. Let him know you understand the frustrations of being a boy. Let him talk to you without you giving advice or being a dad. Talk to him about all the other boy things he should know, going into puberty and liking girls and all.

Try to do that with all the kids, if you can - I know it's hard, but maybe one weekend day/ part of a weekend day a month for each, at least til baby is bigger. Maybe even just a special bedtime talk for each of them - two a night, so you aren't prolonging bedtime too much. Just them and daddy time.

If they don't have chores, time to assign them. Not only will it take the burden off of mom, but will instil a sense of responsibility. Make them age appropriate. For example, the oldest can mow the lawn, the 9 year old can take out trash, the six year old can feed pets, they can all take turns helping with and/or doing didhes, vaccuuming, cleaning bathrooms, folding laundry. Teach these things now, they will be competent men later.

And if they can't manage to leave sister alone, set up a series of consequences for each boy. Make them child specific, depriving them of the thing they love best. For the 6 year old, could be no TV for set length of time. For the 9 year old, no video games, same for 13 - whatever it is they love the most, including refusing to allow them to participate in sports. Each time, you lengthen the time they are deprived of something. 2 days, 5 days, week, two weeks, a month. They'll get the hint long before they hit that month mark. And maybe you should tell them this during your dad and boys discussion - talk with your wife first, find agreed upon punishments that you will both stick to, and enforce them. So if mom imposed the punishment, you back it up 100%.

Also, could be the 3 year old is bugging them- getting in their stuff, etc. She is definitely old enough to be A. free of a playpen and B. taught there are rules, consequences and chores for her to do. Rules like keep out of the boys rooms unless they ask her in, to leave other people's things alone and where they are, picking up her own toys, getting herself ready for bed- putting on pajamas, and if not already done, potty training. But do NOT treat her like a baby anymore. She isn't one.

And to forestall any problems she may have with the new baby, time to start telling her she's a big girl, and that things like the playpen will be used by the new baby, because big girls don't need playpens, or cribs, or high chairs. Buy her a booster seat, tell her big girls wear big girl underpants and use the potty - and let her pick out the big girl undies for herself. Most of all, MOMMY needs to be sure and tell her that even with the new baby, mommy will always love her. And after the baby is born, all the men in the house can help facillitate mom and daughter time alone. Maybe even let them have mommy and girl outings.

Tell the boys that they have to stop acting like babies as well - and they will not like to hear that- but tell them only babies act this way and make life harder, big boys and men help out and support and love their familes, even brothers.

Remember, dads are the enforcers of the family. If you come home and mom tells you that such and so refused to listen to you, then you deal with him - or her- immediately. In our house, that brings double punishment, because both dad's and mom's word is law. Sometimes, when my boy is being particularly obstinante, I just tell him I'll let dad handle it. Works on the girl too, but don't have to use that threat as often. And the penalty he imposes is worse than the one I would have. This is YOUR job, so you can come home from work more often to good days and happy family, instead of bad days and frustrated mom.

Best of luck, and just remember this - even at the end of the worst day, they are all still cute when they sleep. They'd better be!

Answer 6

And you want another one because... ? I feel for ya, man. I really do! Try making #5 out as a "gift" for #4. The two of them will stick together like glue in a bid to protect themselves from the other ones.
Good Luck! (?)

Answer 7

From what I understand after three its all the same. As for you boys, boys will be boys. Hopefully as they grow, they will mature and become more accepting of her. Maybe the new baby will take the limelight of off your daughter. The best to your family...

Answer 8

Well they can help. The 3 year old can be mama's helper. It sounds like you need to teach those boys who's boss, and to respect their sister. That's sad. Maybe she can help with the new baby.
Congratulations. Get your rest!

Answer 9

How about teaching all of them to look after each other (says the oldest of five). We were best friends and worst enemies except for when it really counted. You will be suprised if you teach them they are gifts to each other how well they will grow on each other.

Answer 10

wow. play with the boys outside to get some energy out of them