Aftera failing bus & losing loads of money my husband and i both got good jobs. I couldn't believe our luck - I thought finally we could make up for lost time. Then back in April after my husband told me all the money that had been disappearing from out accout (about $1200/month) he'd been spending on booze & drugs & lately a counsellor he'd found in town (at $80/time-he'd told me it was bus. expenses & would be paid back) Said he didn't know if he loved me or what he wanted. I put it down to depression after losing the bus etc. Things seemed to settle for a while, but he could see his job was finishing then I realised in the last 2 months he's "spent" $3300. Obviously I'd asked, & once again he promised it was work related. Well, he fessed up when I told him I wasn't stupid - drugs, booze & I don't know what else. I'm sure there's more to it. He says he feels like a failure, cant provide etc but he WILL NOT talk to me about it. We have 2 kids (11 & 15) I'm gutted by the lies
2006-10-01 19:00:19 · 16 answers · asked by ali 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Men are what they are, there are two choices, live with it or leave, that simple.
And don't make the mistake of listening to Joy, if he is any kind of a man, you take that advice , and love you are not he will be gone with the wind
Sounds like she might have found herself a real fine wimp
2006-10-01 19:03:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow sorry to hear that. You first need to find out the real reason. is the money going away every month cause he has another woman he's spending it on. as you said he said he's not sure if he loves you anymore . or could it be just drugs and booze. thats alot of money dissappearing fast. does he have a gambling problem all these things you don't know without sitting down and have him open up. You can do this if he loves you . you can work on it . like they say better or for worse well this is a little of the worse right now. but your his wife and you can stand behind him and bring him back up if he's feeling no self worth. but before you can help him you need to find the root cause or your just speculating.
Try speaking to him have a real heart to heart. find out whats bugging him. its your life too. and you want to be happy and live your life with him so its in your best interest to find out why he's hurting so much. ;plus you have many years together and you love him
Could be he's lost his job any man feels like a failure when there use to supporting a family. Let him no right off the bat he is not a failure he's still the man you and the kids love. and another job will come along but in the mean time he'll feel like crap thats part of his makeup working and providing for wife and children so expect that.
Could also be after the loss of the job he's re-evaluating his life and thinks it stinks right now. 23 years of marrige too could be stuck in a rutt. things dont' change you both do the same thing day after day. I'm sure even you would like things to change. See if thats bothering him. sometimes spicing things up getting back to basics going for a weekly date even if its just to the movies get a baby sitter. things can get dull after so many years for both of you important to recapture the romance and excitement and i know it can be hard with kids you get lost in them and forget about hubby. but really try making an effort in finding out whats got him in the dumps. its not to late as long as your still both willing to try. and the good news here is he was willing to open up to you to tell you he's not happy and things are bothering him. worse would be for him to clam up and keep saying nothing then you wake up one day and he's gone.
So keep communicating with him. and let him know your his rock his right hand man and your there for each other.
Hope things go well.
best of luck.
2006-10-01 19:34:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very difficult times in your marriage. That is what you and your husband are going through. Then there are the 2 kids too.
Have you tried prayer? Are you members of a church or group that offers free professional advice? Both of you and perhaps, even the kids, need a lot of counseling. Get it as soon as you can. You can't hide the problem forever. Better sooner than later in finding solutions and help for these kind of problems. Will pray for you and your family also.
2006-10-01 19:19:11 · answer #3 · answered by Bong-Jeweller of San Francisco 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he loses the bottle or you!
His choice.
His life.
If he really loves you, he will work for your reasonable wishes.
DON'T get a shared account! BIG mistake!
Don't give him money unless you know he WILL pay you back!
Free money is only for presents!
He shouldn't be your child.
Do you own a bus??
(If you mean business, you would say it or use "bus.").
Leave him if he doesn't care about you two living together, or the kids future!
You got to be "cruel" to be "kind" in this situation!
These are the type of people that should get restraining orders-usually people who spend/waste that much money on trash would come back to you and assult you if you kicked him out/let him! (It's his fault as long as you didn't start anything/physical fight with him!)
2006-10-01 19:07:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get professional help. You wont get too much good advice here. Some will say "dump the bastard". Others will say "just talk with him".
He is lying because his pride has been ruined. He is out of control and feels like he will be able to fix it. It is addictive behavior and you can not take it on yourself. It is possible to get through this but you will need outside help. If you cant afford it then try a decent church. They often have free counseling and help for problems like this.
2006-10-01 19:07:35 · answer #5 · answered by revlex 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. I tell lies to my purchasers each and every time i circulate to paintings, infront of my colleagues and with the understanding and approval of my boss. in case you disapprove then you definately tell me the thank you to calm an 80 4 year previous widow who's hysterical approximately getting homestead because of the fact she had a baby the day gone by and her husband would not understand the thank you to look after it. My reaction to her is that she is staying with us to recuperate, she is in simple terms not any solid to the toddler if she is going homestead and collapses and that i've got sent a nurse to help her husband.
2016-10-15 10:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it is, i think it is time for you to walk away, it is your choice, but from what you have explained here it seems like has no intenion or desire to change his ways, and an addict has to 'WANT' the help for the help work. I understand you are tore up and the feelings you have deep inside, but you are a mother, you have obligations to those children, do you want them to get the message that life works that way, that it's ok to take your paycheck and buy drugs and alcohol with it and that addiction is acceptable? I'm not trying to be harsh, I just want you to see the road you are traveling is crumbling and it's time for you to do some serious thinking, I wish you the best of luck!
2006-10-01 19:13:00 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. FairyLove 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow one post said take the kids and go. interesting. put that in your vows fool. "for better or worst, well not worst. i'm just not sure about worst. if it gets worst i might want to bail. but better is good. i'll stick around for better." look i know the drugs is scaring you, and yea you and your kids need to be safe. so "leaving" to a safe place is something you might want to do, but i wouldnt leave the marraige. you're a family and you obviously love him. he needs help, he's drowning, and it's sad he couldnt turn to you. but he's seeing a counselor, let him. you might want to go with him. he needs to get over all those feelings of failure, guilt, loss and whatever else comes with losing a business. and you need to be his rock. marraige is NOT 50/50. it's 100/100. you give 100 % of yourself all the time and he should too. so that when one of you can't give your % then atleast you can survive on the other's 100%. so give it all girl, and stand by your man. it's hard i know! but you can do it. and if he just doesnt want you then let him let you guys go. in the meantime do all you can to salvage your FAMILY. good luck, and GOD BLESS,lissette
2006-10-01 20:48:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Professional help is required here for the both of you,23yrs married is not to be sneezed at.You have both come so far-so with "proper" help and advice about the whole problem(taking in the relationship-and business/financial aspects of it all)you should try for the next 23yrs,you will make it I'm sure:-)And joy.....unless you know what you are talking about,butt out-negative responses like yours do not help in any way.
2006-10-01 21:09:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Open your own account and don't give him access to it. You need to take control-especially since you have children to raise!
Then suggest marriage counseling and perhaps a rehab program.
There is nothing wrong with loving your husband. You did say for better or worse, afterall.
2006-10-01 19:42:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋