i badly need an advice...?

Question

I met a guy who’s been causing me so much worry. At 1st I thought I was just happy helping him out in his work because we are working on the same company. I can sense that I’m starting to like him as well. I used to be picky when it comes to suitors but even knowing some bad stuff about him; still, I always entertain his calls. I was blinded by those hopes and wishes bout his future plans because he used to have this bad guy image few years back. I can sense that he was such a deep man just don’t know where and how to start. Unluckily, I found out that he’s starting to do the same bad stuff again (drugs). So I felt all my efforts to change him to a better person were wasted. My mind says get away from him but my heart says maybe it was me who could still help him out. A concern friend asks him to keep away from me but he replied it was only me who inspires him to be a changed man. I am afraid that if I stop communicating with him he’ll be a total wreck person. what shall i do?

Answer 1

Drop him immediately.

You will waste years of your life on him if you stay involved with him. Those years cannot be gotten back.

You cannot fight drug abuse and addiction in someone else. It is really a mistake to try.

I could tell you this story about a great girl I know. She got involved with a former highschool sweetheart after her first marriage ended. She was vulnerable. The former highschool sweetheart put on airs like he was successful, but his job wasn't as good as he said it was. He had a drug habit. Over the years he has destroyed her slowly with deep financial problems, and money she has spent on his health problems acquired through drug abuse. He is still using.

If you know this guy is still using drugs, you need to save your life and be thinking of yourself and not him. Part of the act drug addict's con-game that they play is that you can help them. You, as a matter of fact, are the ONLY one who really understands them, etc. etc. etc. That gets old after a few dozen instances of serious conversations with this guy you are involved with wherein you've jointly made some big decisions about what you BOTH are gonna do, how you're gonna change, etc. etc. etc. to enable him to really quit the drugs this time. Then later you discover he's still using.

Why enter into a life like that? Why not go get a decent guy that is not gonna ruin your life, can be trusted, can accept responsibility, will be a true life partner, etc. etc.

I wish you could talk to this woman I know who has been through all this for years and years. She still hasn't learned her lesson. She's still with him. It's sad. She's had to sell her house. Her children have been affected greatly. Sad sad sad.

Please don't do this to yourself. Find someone else and have an enjoyable life instead.

Answer 2

Don't fool yourself. You were picky for a reason. It's good to be needed or wanted but for the right, healthy reasons. You will become a crutch. You are answering this question yourself. You sound caring and yet hesitant. Trust your gut feeling.
You can't change someone and their addictions. He has to want to change. The mistake people often make is that they think their friendship or love can make someone go clean. He is in love already, unfortunately it's with a bad habit and old lifestyle. Don't be used or enable him to continue his destructive behavior. You have to know people with addictions can be very convincing and selfish when it comes to their habit. They recruit people (or a partner) that will be accepting of their unhealthy choices.
If he becomes clean and stays clean, that's when you can renew interest. You can see the real him without the drugs. Then you can make a healthy choice and not feel like his social worker and have a mature relationship.
I wish you luck, and be strong.

Answer 3

If he truly cares about you, ask him to check into rehab center. You did not specify what type of drugs he was using.
Non the less I would like to share a story with you and the audience that happend here in Austin TX about 3 yrs ago.
There was this young woman she WAS 23 and he IS 20. They met at work, she USED to work for IHOP a restaurant chain. He was always in trouble either at work or because of his bad habits, drugs mainly and the ocasional run ins with the local P.D.
She tried her hardest to turn him around, sharing time with him, giving him advice and so on (this was shared by her father at the trial). He return the favor by breaking into her residence and killed her. He stabbed her 23 times, and also found out (in the news) that he was High on cocaine and Meth
I'm not saying that this would be your case......by any means. but drug recovery is one of the hardest to come back from. Most ppl have to actually move and go away just so they can keep clean and sober.
If you choose to help go ahead, but do it cautiosly, be supportive, tell him that a drug rehab would be the only way out for him.

Good Luck

Answer 4

you haven't got any excuse to be jobless. You sound as undesirable and as dumb as my ex. There are jobs everywhere, you in simple terms would desire to open up your eyes to work out them. end being pious and which will remedy lots. Cockfighting expenditures money, and that i'm constructive the money which you're dropping on animal cruelty is an identical money you purchased, in all likelihood by potential of tension, out of your unfavorable spouse. No ask your self she left you. Your spouse merits that youngster. not you. She is the only with the maternal instinct, she's the only that's been putting nutrition on the table for that youngster, and enable's settle for it, toddlers prefer their mothers better than their fathers because of the fact mothers upload that heat element of any homestead... a minimum of maximum do. for constructive, you sound like an exceptionally not worth determine. you're incorrect in many stuff. shame on you!

Answer 5

Look Sweetie, you can't save the world. I can understand your concern/love for him, but you've got to look out for yourself. You tried to help him & that was admirable, but apparently it didn't matter much to him. It's just not a good idea to get involved with someone who's involved with drugs, they'll drag you down everytime. What he does when/if you stop talking to him is on Him.

Answer 6

if he is already doing drugs then you haven't inspired him...right...drug addiction is something he can only fix himself for himself...if he is doing it again while he is with you he won't stop why should he he has you and drugs...really inspire him tell him to get help and if and when he does...and has shown for awhile that he is really trying then you could be with him but if you stay he will only bring you down with him...good luck that is a hard situation...i went through it and had to leave for my guy to try and fix himself i have been lucky so far it's been 4 yrs now...my best wishes

Answer 7

You can be a friend but thats all, he has to be able to help himself, if he can't do that then he has little hope of getting better. I would just remain his friend until he's gotten the help he needs and has some stability

Answer 8

you've done your part, missy.

you can't change a person however badly you want to. in the end, it is him and only him who could decide what he wants to do with his life. as a friend, i see that you've already done what you could have done and should have done but if it's still not working on his part, then it's not your fault.

don't hurt yourself and hope that this guy would change because as how you tell your story, i don't think he wants to change.

Answer 9

Let him go. you have helped him before, and he's on it again. so, with that, do you think he gave value to what you have done, for you to value him? think about the future. he could end up behind bars. you'd be the judge if you'll gonna be with him or not (behind bars as well)

Answer 10

u are not responsible for this man and are not obligated to him in any way. drop the guilt. the only person who can help him is himself.