Poor Daddy.....she acts like it is all my fault. He was not the perfect Dad by no means....in fact, he didn't even want her when I told him I was pregnant with her. Why? She doesn't even want to live with me after the divorce is final because she doesn't want Daddy to be alone and sad. Why is this happening? It really hurts me. I have been a good mother and been there for her for ll yrs. now....I feel second fiddle and second best.
2006-10-01 17:33:59 · 27 answers · asked by lucy p 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OKAY PEOPLE....I DON'T BADMOUTH MY EX...SO LAY OFF....
2006-10-02 01:44:41 · update #1
Don't judge unless you know the whole story. He was emotionally and verbally abusive to the whole family. He called us names. He has road rage and a bad temper. He keeps cards and letters from her if I send her one. He babys her NOW but didn't when we lived together. He is bipolar and very moody. She was too young to remember all the bad things. My two older do. He is obsessive compulsive and we were all scared of him. We all had stomach problems because of nerves. So see....don't judge. She is my daughter too and I know she is close to puberty and starting her period. I just want to be part of that....instead of her Dad that she all of a sudden feels sorry for....and believe me...he plays her like a violin...he has become possessive of her...and he said that no other man would ever raise his child.
2006-10-02 01:49:14 · update #2
Why are the men being so defensive? I am glad my daughter loves her daddy....I have a daddy too.....geeze, I didn't know I would be attacked here. My ex is just holding on to her because he knows my kids are my life. It is his way of getting back at me for wanting to end our farce of a marriage. He says he will fight me for her. HE is the one who is making this hard. Why can't you see this? He wasn't interested in his kids and their feelings when he was calling them names and trashing their rooms and mistreating their friends, etc.....
2006-10-02 01:58:07 · update #3
Girls will always be daddy's girls even if daddy is a bastard. They have this picture of daddy in their head and heart and fact is not going to change it. She's looking for his approval and until she gets older and maybe not even then she'll keep seeking it. Don't talk bad about her dad in front of her and watch your body language. If he's that big of a jerk she see it if you aren't making her choice and he is. Being a mother doesn't mean your kids always have the same opinion as you and sometimes you have to be the mom and say I love you and I would love to have you live with me but if your not happy here maybe we can compromise and you could live her with me and stay every other weekend or something with your dad. That way both of us can enjoy you company and neither of us wont miss you so much. Being a mom is hard especially when you have to put your pride aside and say whats best for my daughter. You want her to be able to come to you if she gets hurt because she finds out he doesn't want to be the dad she needs. But she wont if she thinks your going to say I told you so. Think with your heart not your mind. Good luck
2006-10-01 18:21:25 · answer #1 · answered by yogi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop thinking about yourself. You and your husband are destroying her life and she feels helpless. When my parents separated for a time I stayed with my dad too even though he was the one more in the wrong. I felt that he got all the blame even though my mom was partially to blame also. It did not mean that I no longer loved my mom I just felt at the time my dad needed me more. She will come around but don't make her feel as if she has to choose between the two of you. She probably feel as I did that you can handle it better and that you have more of a support system. I was and still am daddy little girl. My parents got back together and I am happy but don't put too much pressure on her. Children always think divorce or separation is their fault. Put her mind at ease.
2006-10-01 17:40:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every kid I've seen whose parents are divorcing and whose dad is a jerk is very hard on dad. Given that, it sounds like you're the one who chose to leave and she, having love for her father unlike you, is devastated for him. Sounds like she knows you've abandoned the marriage and daddy is sad. Sounds like she knows where a real family will happen, where people keep their committments to each other, where people will put the family first and themselves second. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be decent.
Tell me something, research predicts that if you put your child in day care before age one, you're more likely to get a failed marriage than those who raise their own children. Did you stick your daughter in substitute care early? It would explain how you could have so little regard for her feelings.
I hope you haven't been so low and nasty as to tell her daddy didn't want a baby when you were pregnant. That would be incredibly hateful, wouldn't it? Especially since lots of men feel this way.
You want to feel justified in your behavior and you think having your little girl turn on her daddy will help you feel justified. You must suck this up and deal with it = you created it. You decided to destroy her family. She needs her father's love far more than she needs yours at this point, because her relationship with him will determine what kind of man she picks.
2006-10-01 18:08:32 · answer #3 · answered by t jefferson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I hope you NEVER tell her "he didn't even want you when I told him I was pregnant with you".
Now we have that out of the way...have you ever heard of "daddies little girl"? It would seem that's what she is....and there is nothing wrong with that. You Both as adults have made a decision and it would seem that now she has as well...so stop feeling sorry for yourself. Its hard enough on a child without the so called adults trying to play games. You made your decision so suck it up princess and don't start laying the "poor me what did I do wrong" crap on your child. This is no longer about YOU....its about how to make the best of this crap for your child.....and if that means her being with her dad then so be it.
2006-10-01 18:00:19 · answer #4 · answered by oldman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yea you shouldn't talk about your ex with your daughter...even if what your saying isn't bad per say she will take it that way...if he hasn't been a great father and you have been a great mother then there is the possibility that she will try and do anything to make him like her more...even go against you...I did my dad "loves" me but has never really shown it my mom is not huggy but the best mom i could have ever asked for....so i busted my butt trying to get my dad to like me ...i knew i had my mom no matter what...but "daddy" was something i thought i had to work for...that being said if he is the one in the wrong she should figure it out in a couple of years til then you'll have to be very strong don't let it hurt your feelings...she loves you...she just knows that you love her so she doesn't have to try so hard...don't give up just be yourself and bite your tongue and be yourself...that's all you can do....good luck I hope she figures it out soon without getting hurt any more....
2006-10-01 17:53:55 · answer #5 · answered by bunny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter may feel you are more of the instigator of this divorce. Maybe your ex is trying to save the marriage but your anger towards him is seen by the daughter as ending the marriage. Perhaps you are wrong for not giving your ex a chance. Marriage is until death do us part for better or worse. If he is beating you, that is all out of the window. Look at yourself and own up if you are the problem.
2006-10-01 17:59:55 · answer #6 · answered by Daddy O 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Daughters have a special connection to their Dad's. He may have been a loser husband, but he will always be her Daddy. And as she grows up she will see his faults. She will also see that you have been a steadfast Mom, always there for her, always available. She should not be accused of taking sides. The divorce was between you and him, not her and him. Just love her, that's all you can do. She probably stands up for you when she's around him.
2006-10-01 17:58:38 · answer #7 · answered by simone 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because she's 11. I'd like to know what your definition of a good mother is because tormenting your child because you are too immature to actually parent her is not mine. You have a responsibility and obligation to PROTECT her, and if that means you have to suck it up when she feels bad for him, then that's what it means. You might want to clip out this question and keep it so that when she is old enough to decide what parent she wants to live with and she moves in with him, you have a clue. Get yourself some counseling if you are having trouble dealing with your divorce but keep your mouth shut and your thoughts to yourself around your child.
2006-10-01 18:05:50 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You raised your daughter to take care of the man. She is. She can mommy a man w/o the cost of being a mommy. She is too young for boys, but can learn feminine wiles on a home grown, non threatening, asexual man.
In addition to the divorce dynamic of lax discipline etc., you have reaching the great adolescent - puberty divide.
2006-10-01 18:32:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see this all the time with women. The problem is not who was right or wrong, but how you handled the divorce. If you are always talking about him negatively and he is not even mentioning you, your little girl feels that you are being mean and picking on him... and hence, she feels for him as a victim.
2006-10-01 17:59:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋