I have been married for the last 12 years and have a child too...over the last 6-7 yrs my partner and I have grown apart...no we don't hate each other but have stopped loving the other too.we respect each other and now live together for our childs sake...we don't seem to connect to one another in any way physically or mentally...we are very civil to each other ....but somehow love is lacking in our lives....we have treid counselling etc etc..but to no avail...are we heading anywhere?? Is this normal? I definately don't want my child to think this is what a marriage is suppose to be! Advice....and people who cannot be sensitive to my issue please refrain from answering...Iam asking for wise counsel not critisism.
2006-10-01 16:34:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yurs seems a tricky situation. Yu respect each other and civil too.......and Im sure both of yu wise, sincere & social too. Its all amazing for the stake of yur child he compromised to stay with yu without any attachment....is shows how sensible he is!
Is there any second woman in his life? Im sure not!
In my view yu need not to consult any one. Give yur self a new SPACE and review again since yur marriage. How yur marriage happened, yur lov with yur hubby and yur CONCERN for HIS FAMILY, yur first baby, small dreams and above all how yu handled the family problem and his expectation and so on........!
Do remember all these and analyze them honestly & neutraly. And yu try to remember from which point of yur life the MISSING started, what was the situation....
Dear friend take my words, if yu genuinly, little tacyfuly revive the whole things, im sure life will be at full circle for yu [Remember yur first night]
Don worry.....God bless u
2006-10-01 16:50:08 · answer #1 · answered by Chandresh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your situation...Trying living apart for awhile but close enough that you both get to spend time with the little one. Sometimes seperation from the one you used to love can make you realize what you lost and then you can start over. I would try to do anything but the divorce until there is nothing left to try. Divorce is expensive(mine cost me 6,000$+, but mine was the worst it could be in a marriage). The judge who divorced my ex and i said that all the money i spent on the fighting could have went towards their college. If all else fails though, Don't stay together (marriage) just because of the children. Cause either way they will feel the friction between the two of you, together or not together. My ex and I get along alot better now that we are seperated and we became better parents because of it. If you do divorce, continue to work together as a team and support your child in his/her decisions...do not let them play the two of you against each (i'm going through that right now...not fun!) Be Strong and Do what your heart tells you! Good luck in your decision! Many prayers with you and your family!
2006-10-01 23:55:18 · answer #2 · answered by rinoabell 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
,I am wondering if you have any thing of value other than the children that you hav accomplished together as a couple TOGETHER .since if you are growing apart but still remain together for the children,s sake seems a little too weak,but weakness has a way of rebounding,just ask the homeless man that wants to get off the street and by any means possible he slowly achieve his goal, If you are not already involved with another guy , you have not put your back into this relationship as you should have,since he still hangs around you.If eve could make Adam eat of the forbidden fruit with all the knowledge and age he had over her .the power is within you to save your marriage ,the deal is how badly can you taste it ,be motivated and join a fitness club shed some pounds get fit and let him look at you for a second time forever,since hope and true love dies last,god bless, for the sake of the children's future.
2006-10-01 23:52:10 · answer #3 · answered by delmy d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is hard one, I have been married for 16 years and we have had many ups and downs, I personally do not believe in divorce unless someone has been unfaithful, I would like to see you two work things out mabe things have gotten kind of boring because you know each other too well, maybe try something new talk seriously about your hopes and dreams for the future and go for it. What would you do if you seperated would you move get a new job, what appeals to you about divorce, maybe that is a place to look for an answer, join a club there are many things to do, I would not divorce, but try to spice things up. Just because you are married does not mean sex all the time, but trust and if you have that you really have a good base, go from there. Hope this helps at all.
2006-10-01 23:44:36 · answer #4 · answered by whattheheck 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there is no problem between you too expect for maybe you both need to be more romantic with each other do something spontaniously, or maybe your love has mature strong enuf that you don't notice me and my wife been together since she was sixteen which is 14 years now married for 7and we kind of drifted apart to so she goes out and seperate herself from me for a year a now she regrat the decision she has made thinking she had no love for me and she see now and is fighting agaisnt me to not get a divorce so try a little communications first and maybe spend a week or two apart from each other see if this help do something but maintain the relationship god put you together for a reason it's always bad for a marriage to be destroyed for a lack of interest on both party. it's a contract between God, him, and you if can abide the contract then you can serv God with no problem thru sickness and health time and need.just remember what brought you together in the first place sometime you have get back to the basic.
2006-10-01 23:54:42 · answer #5 · answered by trueexposure 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think alot of that comes from learning everything there is to know about eachother. Its kind of like trying to re read a good book. Once you know everything, it just cant be quite as exciting. It seems like the people who have been together until they are older, are content because they almost need eachother just to get by. But people in the middle part of life, need some changes. I dont know much about you and your partner, but these problems are usually with people that havent changed much. Its kind of like permanent boredom. If one of you, were starting something big, or something else exciting was happening in your lives, it takes alot of pressure off the marriage. If you have the same exact life for a long time, what happens is, your marriage for a while, is the only thing interesting, and not same ol same ol. Once it is the same too, you just starting thinking "Something" has to change "something" has to improve. If you both feel that way, you are just going to have to stop waiting on something, and start making something happen.
2006-10-01 23:47:31 · answer #6 · answered by Aaron S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Definitely, divorce is not the answer to your problem. I believe there is a great chance for both of you to work it out since both of you respect each other & there is no third party involved. I can see that you are a responsible person who cares a lot for your child. Why not try to rekindle your love by spending time together alone with each other? Try dating so you two can recapture that loving feeling. Say kind words and loving words to each other. Good luck. You can work it out.
2006-10-02 00:02:59 · answer #7 · answered by dtmc542006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same thing with my husband over 26 years ago right about the time I had the baby. But we got back on track by getting counseling. Not the kind where you talk, but sexual counseling. You should see a sex therapist. We started out by touching, kissing and then sex. We made a game of it. Hope you feel better dear. Also, try meditation. Learn to clear your mind. Step back from the problem and see a new perspective.
2006-10-01 23:46:20 · answer #8 · answered by glenda576 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I went through that a few years back, and I determined to do small nice things for him daily, just so my daughter would see, and after a while, he was doing nice things back, and eventually we were best friends again. It certainly wasn't an overnight thing, but every relationship hits the doldrums, and this is what worked for us.
I came up with this plan just so I could justify it to MYSELF when I kicked him out, so I could think that I was being a good partner, it wasn't for the daughter or the courts, it was for my own self-image and identity,. I was somewhat surprised when it worked. That was about 5 years ago and we are still very much connected emotionally.
If we ever hit a bad patch again, I will try it again, also. Hope it works for you.
2006-10-01 23:42:46 · answer #9 · answered by finaldx 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People change all the time. Remember that in 12 years things are bound to change. Seeing how there is no apparent animosity. And there is mutual respect. This marriage may be saved. Love changes in feeling and in action. You should talk with your spouse openly on this, and avoid any accusations. Just find out how your partner feels. You have invested a long time into this relationship & not to mention the children. Perhaps you should try to get to know your spouse for who they are now not who they were. You never know you might fall in love again. Best wishes.
2006-10-01 23:42:06 · answer #10 · answered by That's my final answer 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋