So I just got married about 9 months ago legally, but we didn't have our hindu marriage. Essentially, I got married so my fiance could get her paperwork in and get her life started in America. She is from New Zealand. Things went terribly south in the last few months, with her disrespecting me and my family and deciding to run away from my house because it seems as if she was looking more for a lifestyle than for love. She didn't want to live in the situation we were in at that time, and not willing to understand. So the whole time, I tried to get her back, and she was stubborn. She really cast me in a bad light--I am not perfect, but I also did not treat her badly enough to warrant this behaviour. Her father, got involved and did not hear both sides of the story. Things went south fast. So she's gone back to NZ, and her father is preparing to send the papers. She sends me hate emails, but then says she loves me. I am tired of the instability. I never told her to leave...
2006-10-01 16:26:52 · 14 answers · asked by Funkadelik HomoSapien 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So some details. I was very insulted by her ditching me the first time, and she was stubborn that she was not moving back in the house. We are married keep in mind. She simply did not feel like she wanted the responsibilities of helping to care for the family--I live at home currently with my parents, my brother, and my grandpa. I am a modern kid - went to school at UC Berkeley, I have a six figure salary, but I wanted us to stay at home for her to learn about my family, and to save money. I told her we'd buy a home--in the Bay Area its expensive so I need to save. Plus she JUST started her life in America and needs to adjust and stuff. I wanted her to integrate into our family--this is typical in my culture to live as a family. But she ditched saying she couldnt' live at my home any more. I was insulted. She did not want to come back. We even went to a counselor -- I understood what he told me, she moved back, we fought - she bounced again - did it twice. It was so childis
2006-10-01 16:56:52 · update #1
This had been going on for a while now. SHE ALSO DIPPED ON ME and pulled this shenangin the week of my birthday might I add!!! I was so hurt and heartbroken. Anyhow she kept saying she is not coming back home--she stayed at her cousin's place about 30 minutes away. I just pretty much ended it in my mind and heart--bec what is a man to do if he is getting emasculated by her father and she is not listening to me to come home. I also felt it was very immature and hurtful to my family what she was saying and doing to us. This whole time I never called her anything bad or was as abusive as other men would get in similar situations. When she left the first time - it wasn't even a fight that provoked it - my mother was ill and she didn't want to cook dinner -- i even helped her. So 1. she bounced the week before my birthday, 2. when my mother was ill- bedstricken, 3. without a fight. Im left thinking that she came here for a lifestyle-- she wasn't getting the lifestyle so she turned
2006-10-01 17:01:39 · update #2
She turned on me and then throughout started acting like a hard person - demanding I move out to be with her, etc. Keep in mind, there is family involved, respect, we hadn't even had our big wedding bash yet. She totally disrespected me and my family and expected me to move out to be with her. She was very unstable--saying awful things and the sort- and behaving crazily. I really didn't know what to do. Her father and her whole family didn't even try to help fix us. I had meetings, counseling, everything and she just was adamant that she wasnt going to move back home. It went south fast. Now she is back in NZ. I told her to do what she wants in terms of our relationship--I did try and she won't move back now. And she blames me for this and writes hate emails and stuff even though I gave her the opportunity to make the decision to end this--which she did--she said never to contact her, but she keeps contacting me. I JUST DON'T GET IT? I don't get what might be going on w/her
2006-10-01 17:06:03 · update #3
Hmm.
"Her father, got involved and did not hear both sides of the story"
I think he's not the only one who's only hearing one side of the story.
I also find the use of the would "as" repetitively interesting. This implies that you were doing all these things, but in somewhat lesser degree than you believe others do. Interesting:
"or was as abusive"
Did you not discuss your living arrangements BEFORE you got married?
Honestly, it seems like you were both really stupid. I can't imagine what job would pay you six figures when you seem to lack so much common sense.
Good luck with the rest of your life.
2006-10-04 09:32:11 · answer #1 · answered by pcorin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look within the Bible for a few encouraging verses and deliver them to her. Take her out for a women day (like on the mall or going out to a pleasant lunch or some thing) and permit her understand there are different men in the market.
2016-08-29 09:25:24 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wake up and smell the coffee looks like she used you to get her paperwork to stay in America. I'm sorry but time does ease these wounds. You said you were tired of her instability so its time to end it and time to move on to better things.
2006-10-01 16:32:10 · answer #3 · answered by bramblerock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a new e-mail and a new girl. Don't even think of the past - just move on. Life is to short for stupid games.
2006-10-01 16:31:08 · answer #4 · answered by sandra g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love her, then send her an email telling her so. Speak to a counselor so you will be equipped to make a healthy decision.
2006-10-01 16:30:30 · answer #5 · answered by reese100 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear that I believe she was just using you. Sign the papers and move on and be more careful in the future.
2006-10-01 16:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by marilee w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay single until you get over the other or you will hurt another, gbu
2006-10-01 16:35:04 · answer #7 · answered by cdn3700 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Block her and forget her, Time is the ultimate medicine for it heals all problems when there is enough of it!
2006-10-01 16:31:21 · answer #8 · answered by Nickname 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a crappy situation. I feel for you, buddy. :( I hope things work out, and I hope that you will find a woman to love you and respect you.
2006-10-01 16:28:53 · answer #9 · answered by rabidbaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont want to know anymore of this story. Ditch the B*tch!
2006-10-01 16:29:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋