Ive been with the same guy for about 3years now. Hes never cheated (that I know of) but he has told me small white lies about a couple other things. He does tell me he loves me alot, mentioned getting engaged when he gets enough money for the ring, etc. But for some reason, I just don't trust him completely. Hes a very friendly guy, once in awhile he calls the women he works with sweetheart & flirts a little bit but hes also friendly to guys, he seems to know everyone & there are over 100 people employed there! Im used to dating the shy, quiet guys. I just would like to know if these thoughts that I have of him possibly one day being unfaithful are my own issues or if this is what's called womens intution warning me in advance. Any opinions?
2006-10-01 16:16:14 · 15 answers · asked by Ashley 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, have you been cheated on before? If so, then it could possibly be just an insecurity. However, you would know what to look for. I say, do some semi investigation. Does your man have a cell phone? if so, does he leave it on the coffee table while he's in the bathroom or something? If so, just look through his recent calls and see whats up. If he had something to hide, he'd be really vague about stuff and very protective over something like letting youlook at his phone. You might not even have to sneak that in. I've been with my husband 3 1/2 years (including dating), and I just pick it up and look through it for fun and he doesn't get mad at me. There's an idea, pick it up and start looking at it and see if he gets really protective. It may just be your insecurities though. It's very obvious when someone is cheating, they stop being so unavailable suddenly, talking on the phone is an inconvenience, you get stood up. If you (the general person) don't like someone, it is very hard to keep up the act that you do. You can hear the insincerity in their voice. Plus, if he was cheating on you with some girl at his work, he wouldn't call her sweetheart with you in hearing distance. GOOD LUCK!
2006-10-01 16:25:55 · answer #1 · answered by afafae25 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This answer is coming from someone who just got divorced from someone like this...after almost 30yrs of marriage....
First off, be honest with yourself. If this truely bothers you, him being very friendly, let him know. Does it bother the women he is talking to? If he has never cheated on you, in the physical sence, but the way he talks is upsetting to you, then that could be a form of cheating...if he KNOWS it bothers you, but continues to do it anyway. If he is like this with EVERY woman he talks with, I wouldnt worry too much about it, that is just how he is. Does he talk to you the same way...or hopefully more romantic/sincere with you.?If he does more than just call them sweetheart on occation, then you might have something to worry about, but at this point, I do not think it predestines cheating.
How you react, inform or not inform of your feelings, and how you trust all play a part in how this will turn out. The first two will affect the last...once trust is lost, it is hard to get back. This goes for both sides. Don't start doubting him without just cause...this does not sound like just cause.....once you do(doubting), stop the relationship(at least till you can staighten things out) or it will be ruined. He might stop telling you things....you find out anyway...wonder whats going on...even if nothing is going on.....- do you see what I am trying to say? You can make it into a problelm before it is one when truely in never was going to be a problem. (this is what I did!...and he started to do things I thought he was already doing...we didnt talk/we didnt listen to each other!)
Be honest with him...from the begining. How you feel is how you feel, you should both work on them when it concerns both of you. Don't make more of it than it is.....ask a trusted friend or relative(who is not going blab or judge either of you).
If you dont trust him...do not say yes to a proposal. You have to work on that first...start now, knowing that one should be coming!
By the way, you do not have to have a ring to be engaged...when there is a proposal, and acceptance, the engagement begins, the ring is the symble(and pretty good proof of commitment)- the outward sign to everyone else.
2006-10-02 00:11:06 · answer #2 · answered by kachamp74 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust your gut instincts. For one thing, you've been with him for 3 years and he's "mentioned getting engaged when he gets enough money for the ring." When will that be, in 3 yrs? 5 yrs?
Also, the comment you made about him calling the women he works with sweetheart and flirting "a little",---that wouldn't sit well with me at all. You've invested 3 years of your life with this man. Its time for him to shi* or get off the pot. 3 years is more than enough time to know if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life. Actions speak louder than words.
2006-10-02 00:18:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we think the way we do because of past issues or the fear of the unknown. Your always told to listen to your instincts and in your situation you may want keep your feelings and your heart in check until further notice from your mind. I'm serious it doesn't mean something is wrong with you because your having doubts this dude maybe or may not be telling you the truth or not. It's normal and I wouldn't make it a huge deal with but if you guys are open with one another then try to address it to him and see what he has to say but then again would that make things better or worse in your mind. Here's a quote from a song from Eve.
"Love is blind it will take over your mind, What you think is love it's truely not you need to elavate and find."
2006-10-01 23:23:24 · answer #4 · answered by kc_cuttie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have been with the guy 3 years it is time to tell him to get serious and buy the ring. Other wise I think he's using you. Their is an old saying " why buy the cow when milk is free " I think you need to raise the price of milk.
If he won't pay the price Dump him.
2006-10-01 23:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i think he is just like me as in he is an unconsious flirt. if he does not realise hes doing it uve nothing to worry abt. ur used to shy guys so that part of his personality may be a bit over powering for u. but just watch the whilte lies thats all
2006-10-01 23:23:19 · answer #6 · answered by Belosnezhka (aka Gex) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it depends on what he has lied about in the past. And if he is a wonderful guy who is 100% faithful tell him how it makes you feel when he calls his coworkers 'sweetheart'. If he's really respectful of you... he'll stop calling them that if he knows how it makes you feel.
2006-10-01 23:19:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't know how you will ever be able to trust a person whom you know tells small white lies to you. Isn't integrity important to you in a husband? Why marry a man who you already know lies?
2006-10-01 23:25:07 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Most guys cheat. Is he having boys nights out? If so your in trouble
2006-10-01 23:20:14 · answer #9 · answered by yort 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think intuition is such a viable source of truth.......thats just me. i would be very wary and keep ur eyes open. i know that most of the time if something doesnt feel right....many, many times i kinda know why and it often is fact. i would not go crazy, but just keep yourself aware of whats going on......you may be totally correct.
2006-10-01 23:19:15 · answer #10 · answered by blkhawk51 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋