I'm in love with my best friend. We have known each other for seventeen years. Recently, we have discussed marriage, however, she has three children from a previous marriage and doesn't want anymore. I am 37 years old, and don't have any of my own. I am also my father's only son. We have excellent chemistry, get along very well, and really love each other. I am positive that we would be happy together. She doesn't want any more children due to complications with her previous pregnacies and because of her age (40). I love children and would love to have one of my own. Also, since I am the only son, I would like to carry on my fathers' name. I feel that I must choose between the love of my life or experiencing the joy of having your own child. What should I do?
2006-10-01 14:09:35 · 11 answers · asked by BigJoe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The lady has already had three children. At 40, she is looking at a big bag of prospective complications, as I am sure you are aware, and frankly, I know few women who would wish to again be pg. at 40 after having produced three. You have to decide if this is a deal buster. And you have to be honest with yourself, because if you are not, and you marry, and then hold this against her, this will fester in your marriage, and cause resentment, and that, sir, will surely destroy whatever love you have for her and any that she has for you. If the desire to have a son (not always guaranteed, ya know) to carry on your family name and to have a child that you fathered is that big a deal, you need to look elsewhere.
There are some other options: If she were willing to go thru hormonal treatments, to harvest eggs, have them fertilized with your sperm and have the zygote carried by another, younger, woman. (rent a womb, so to speak.... It's been done...) The other option is that you and she purchase unfertilized eggs, and have them fertilized with your sperm, and carried by a younger woman.... Of course, you are talking mega buckos, and no guarantees. The legal hassles are tremendous, (particularly when the egg donor is also the female carrying the child---sticky---) but, as I said, it has been done. If this IVF stuff, fertility clinics and all of that is not of interest to you, or out of your price range, then you are at square one: Is fathering a child a deal buster? And only you can decide....
Helpful?
2006-10-01 14:35:38 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it that big of a deal to you that the child be biologically yours? Because you could adopt a child as a baby. It would still carry on your fathers name, just not the bloodline.
Just a thought, because like you said, she is the love of your life.
2006-10-01 14:15:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know for sure that you need this child then you'll have to let her go. Because if you guilt trip into having another kid, that happily ever after you'd thought you'd have will go straight out the window. Or, if you decide that you don't need a kid and that's not really what you wanted, you're gonna feel resentful because you might be missing out.
2006-10-01 14:23:57 · answer #3 · answered by Dani L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say you will have to humble yourself here.
if you truly love your friend, you will respect her decision if you have talked it out to the n'th degree.
if there is still room - get to couples counselling.
have you considered adopting? choosing to adopt can bring a family even closer together for having taken the journey.
If you are insistant about having a child of your own flesh and blood, you may have to make a more drastic decision and find another potenial wife.
2006-10-01 14:17:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is bigger than just you,you need to keep your bloodline going and to do that you have to have a child.If she won't reconsider,you'll have no choice but find another,or marry her anyway then cheat. Hope you do the right thing.
2006-10-01 14:23:25 · answer #5 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a problem. You have to get creative. Find a surrogate to carry the baby, and give birth.
2006-10-01 19:38:22 · answer #6 · answered by joy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truely love this woman it wont matter whether you have a child or not.True love is hard to find and not every one has it.If you think you do get on your knees and thank GOD.
2006-10-01 14:27:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either get over it, or find another woman
2006-10-01 14:12:02 · answer #8 · answered by *AMY* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Count your blessings!
2006-10-01 16:59:10 · answer #9 · answered by Bubbi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have some other woman carry you and hers baby. have the baby and raise it. that what i would do
2006-10-01 14:12:46 · answer #10 · answered by frost_icing 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋