I asked a similar question yesterday but didn't feel like I got too many helpful answers. Here is my situation.
I am 35 weeks pregnant and within the last month my boyfriend (now ex) has abandon me and his unborn child for cocaine, drinking and a 34 year old married woman. He has been playing head games with me saying he wants to be a family and work things out it's just not right right now, then he shows up at Dr. Appt with a hickey on his neck. Then presumes to tell me he loves me and wants to be with me.
-Have you ever been in this situation?
-Have you ever put anyone through this?
-What was the outcome?
-Should I inform the womans husband of what is happening?
-
JUST ANY GOOD ADVICE.
2006-10-01 14:07:03 · 9 answers · asked by JB 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I saw this question when you posted it the other day and I thought you got the right advice so I think you may not want to believe what's best for you. I may not have been in a situation exactly as bad as yours but I have experience with men who say one thing and then do another. These guys are spineless losers... they wouldn't be caught dead without a backup girl. That means he will not let you go because the only prospect he has right now is married. From what you have said he might choose to leave on his own if she leaves her husband or if he finds a third girl but until then he plans to keep you hangin' on. He wasn't responsible enough to stop himself from doing the drugs or cheating so what makes you think he will become a responsible father? You can blame it on the drugs if you want but whatever made him choose to do them is the real problem. Unless he is willing to fix it, he may never stop for good. Only he can change this and he won't do it if he still has you. Whether you think so or not, you are supporting his habits by staying. Having a child is a very exciting, touching and life changing experience. However, he does not sound like he will be moved by the experience enough to change his ways. You should be enjoying this time. If you can't convince yourself that you deserve better then think of your child. If that is difficult then go to a park and watch some kids play. Ask yourself if you would like to be the one to take the happiness away from any one of them because that is what you will be doing to your child if you stay with this man. Coke head's are liars and will tell you anything not to spoil their time or make them have to pay child support. You'd be taking their drug money and actually using it for something less important to them! I understand thinking that you should be with the father of your child. A lot of women feel that they have failed or that others will look down on them if they are not married or with to the father of their child. I'm here to tell ya, it's better not to be married than to be married to the wrong person. I also completely understand that it is difficult to let go of someone when you want love so badly and they are telling you that they do love you. I really get that. But if you don't get the comments that I or others have posted then go back and read your own question. You have to know that the situation you described is so much more than just out of whack. You are probably stronger than you think and can do what's best for your child and yourself, so just do it. I guarantee that you will look back and wonder how you ever questioned whether you should leave him. I wouldn't get involved in the other relationship. That would not neccessarily fix things for you... it might just make it worse. Take care of yourself.
2006-10-01 15:02:36 · answer #1 · answered by - 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ummmmm...you mean the woman this IDIOT is fooling around with is married?!
If so then YES....TELL her!
No, I have not ever put anyone in this situation. I'd never think to do this to someone. On the contrary I've had underhanded BS pulled on ME in relationships, and I will not put up with it ever again. I'm afraid you cannot count on this moron no matter what he says to you. He's giving you lip service plain and simple. Assume you are going to be doing this all alone and accept it that way. Write him off, but since it's his kid too (yes?) he does have some rights.
This guys is a waste, and just going to cause you more problems. Appease him, but don't buy into anything he says. If he's serious about helping and being there, then he can do it on his own volition.
I'm sorry you're in this, but you HAD to have seen some kind of signs about him before you got mixed up with him.
No???
Good luck to you miss!
2006-10-01 14:16:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll try to help you out here.
He's a drug abuser. He's not the fixer upper you're looking for.
He's a cheater. He's not the father your baby needs
He's a manipulator. He's not the life parnter you need.
It sounds like he's sending you a loud clear message that he's not ready to be a family. He's trying everything to push you away. Ask yourself if this was a friend of yours instead of you going through this would you advise them to tolerate this disrespect?
I think he's completely right that it's not right for him right now. I think you should listen to what he's trying to tell you and move on with your life. You will have a choice to make when you give birth. If you don't want him involved in his childs life you may need him to sign away his rights. As for telling the womans husband, he deserves to know. Only you can decide if you're the one to tell him. Good luck, and please, please separate yourself from this man.
2006-10-01 14:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by awakeatdawn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I have been close to it but it didn't involve drugs, The bottom line isssss you can't allow is negatively to play a part in your life right now,, you have to cut all the drama off NOW for the sake of the baby,, You can make it !! Stand up.. a life is coming.. its very important to be a mother of love,,NO don't involve anyone else in this mess,, Be a strong woman move forward they will get what coming in due time.
Focus on the new life that is coming in this crazy world thank god you found out who this man really is... Only you can control your walk in life.
2006-10-01 14:17:03 · answer #4 · answered by M M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to stay out of other peoples relationships it will all come out in the end and if he want to be a family and stuff he is not really showing it, you need to do what is right for you and the baby that should be your main concern now. good luck with it all.
2006-10-01 14:27:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best tune approximately this special drawback could be "Hotel California" by way of The Eagles. Still a exceptional album--I have an historic vinyl replica that I obtained for my 14th birthday in (choke) 1977.
2016-08-29 09:29:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to F off or expect your child to end up just like him doing the same thing to another girl.
2006-10-01 14:10:05 · answer #7 · answered by Sonnenrad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would inform her husband out of a courtesy to him, but under no circumstance let this man back in your like. do you want your child to think this kind of life is normal? if it is a girl do you want soomeone treating her like you are being treated? If it is a boy do you want him treating someone else like this? cut your loses and move on, there are better guys, hell being alone is better than being done like that.
2006-10-01 14:20:23 · answer #8 · answered by tigweldkat 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
leave him alone... ignore him. no guy is worth it if he leaves u AND an unborn child for drugs or a MARRIED woman
2006-10-01 14:11:36 · answer #9 · answered by playful_kitty_003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋