When am Around You I feel safe.
When See your smile my heart is happy.
when I Think about you am happy.
Every Time I see your , I see you more beautiful.
if I could I bring you a star.
if I could say to world you are only reason of happynest.
if you are sad , am sad to.
only I wish if will be real.
2006-10-01 13:44:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
what do you think.
origianal by me
2006-10-01 13:47:11 · update #1
ok i read it, now what?
2006-10-01 13:46:06 · answer #1 · answered by lonely_mike21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I am Around You, I feel safe.
When I See your smile, my heart is happy.
when I Think about you, I am happy.
Every Time I see you, I see you BECOME more beautiful (OR...I SEE YOU MORE BEAUTIFULLY) .
if I could I bring you a star (IS THERE A CONTINUATION TO THIS LINE?!)
if I could say to THE world you are only THE reason of MY happyneSS
if you are sad, I am sad toO (THIS LINE DOESNT MATCH UP WITH THE PREVIOUS LINE)
IF only I wish YOU WERE real.
KEEP GOING! ;)
2006-10-01 13:48:32 · answer #2 · answered by abstemious_entity 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. It's really raw; there's a lot of pure emotion in it. when did you write it? My favorite line is "Every time i see you, i see you more beautiful.' That's really pretty, and i've been in a relationship beofre where i've felt like that.
One thing: You might wanna spell check it!!!
-keep writing. you can only get better!
2006-10-01 13:50:24 · answer #3 · answered by lumpyoatmeal330 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're missing a lot of words. You may want to consider editing your poem. Other than that, it's good.
2006-10-01 13:47:52 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it! its awsome! u just need to edit it if u want to do it better than it already is! Good Luck
2006-10-01 13:50:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good but needs a little bit of improvment!
2006-10-01 13:50:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummm... got a better ending??? i think ur missing a few words throughout ur poem
2006-10-01 13:49:23 · answer #7 · answered by playful_kitty_003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good-- keep working on it
2006-10-01 13:47:27 · answer #8 · answered by sherriecrazyhome 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what exactly is the question?
2006-10-01 13:47:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
there is a few typos...........
BUT THAT IS SWEET!
who is it for?
i luv it!
2006-10-01 13:47:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋