pleez i dont undestand this READ MORE?

Question

i really dont like myself very much. my shrink says maybe we can have a meeting with my parents becuz they are very mean to me. like they are just afwul parents who give bad advice and are verbally abusive towards me, occasionaly phsycally abusive an are never ever satisfied with me no matter what and are just plain impossible. she says lets having a meeting with them maybe u would like urself if u felt more luved so i finally agree after like 3 months im scared of it and i know it cant do anything good. she really cant get thru to these oh-so-impossible people. i say im so depressed im never good enuf and im always doing this that are no good to them and they are always screaming at me for everything as punishment for things like "having no tan" i said im still depressed she said well maybe we can change ur thoughts and u wont be depressed. in my opinion if all u ever hear is how bad u suck u can be happy so how does that make sense?

Answer 1

I agree with you.
Maybe that is why your shrink wants to meet with them.
Seems like they are part of the problem too and in order for you to change they have to change too.

Answer 2

Anyone would need more info on your situation to be able to advise you. Sometimes, it takes an outsider to make a parent see their mistakes. I am sure that if your therapist perceived your parents to be a threat they would take steps to have you removed from that environment. It is true though that if all one ever hears are insults then ones chance of feeling good about themselves is low. I don't know how old you are but just keep telling yourself that you are important. Try to find something that makes you feel good like volunteering at a shelter or something and start exploring possible career choices. And remember that you will grow up one day and you will not be dependent upon them. Another thing that is hard, but it really does help, it just keep surprising them by telling them you love them as often as possible especially when the situation does not call for it. You will be surprised at how soon that can diffuse them. It won't happen the first time you say it, but don't give up. You are very much worth the effort you will have to make. And there are people who love you, even if you don't know who they are yet.

Answer 3

The damage being done to you is mostly internal, and only reinforced by external reinforcers. Although this will be very difficult for you to do, give it a try. When you get a little time alone, take a piece of paper and write down what makes you unhappy with you life. When you finish, turn the paper over and write down what makes you happy with your life.

Look at the list of unhappy, and ask yourself as honestly as you can... how much of this do I subtly encourage by my own actions, or lack of action? Why do I say this?

Because when we are born, our MINDs take on some strong and mistaken beliefs regarding who and what we are. Unfortunately, sometimes we unknowingly begin to secretly punish ourselves because our MINDs believe we "deserve it". One way we do this is to subtly manipulate those in our environment to do the "punishing" of us.... and since we can't "see" how we set this up, we get to feel bad, and blame others rather than accept the responsibility for our own little actions.

Look at the page of what makes you happy, and ask yourself... what is the reason I don't do this more often?

if I am correct, the reason is that you do not "believe" you deserve to be happy, and this is the real reason for not doing that which makes you happy more. So, you must decide that you are done with feeling bad, and begin to focus on doing that which makes ou feel happy. Trying it doesn't cost anything so why not?

Peace

Answer 4

Based on your description of events, it's not hard to see why you don't like yourself. We naturally assume that our parents are suppose to love us, protect and help us down the path of life. Unfortunately, for too many children, their parents are anything but ideal. It is hard to see what's loveable about ourselves if our parents can't. Take heart. You are a beautiful, talented human being who got a raw deal in the parent department.
Noone can prepare a person for what parenting entales. It is an event, job like no other. In order to be a good parent, you have to be selfless and this is a sacrifice few are willing to make and as a result, the 'demanding' child becomes a burden. Please realize that your parent's behavior is a commentary on their person and not yours. Your parents got into something that they were unprepared for.and their response to the demands of parenting is not very inspiring.
In order to understand your parents behavior, you must take a look at the home they came from. Most people learn their parenting style from their parents. Are your grandparents loving and accepting or do they deal with the stress in a similair manner. Chances are, your parents are just repeating the parenting model of their parents. Before people decide to become parents, they should examine their family model and try to educate themselves about child psychology. Children deserve a educated, prepared parent. Parenting is a huge undertaking so why do people do it so blindly?
You deserve respect, love, understanding whether you are 6 months, 6 years or 60 years. For some reason, adults tend to place children in a catagory of 'whatever works'. Perhaps, by trying to understand where your parents are coming from, you may be able to understand their behavior. If you are being abused, I think it would be in your best interest to tell the therapist to what extent it is. Don't candy coat it to protect your parents.
As long as you are being honest about being a good kid and not thinking you are entitled to ridiculous demands, than I think that you must tell yourself that you are a worthwhile human being.
The chemistry of the brain is influenced by inward conversation. If you maintain a positive outlook about yourself, surround yourself with supportive people and gain self esteem through personal accomplishment than it is possible to pull yourself out of this depression. The use of medication is not out of the question if your therapist believes it will be helpful.
Right now you must focus of yourself and unravelling the pain that surrounds you will help you to move forward. Remember, time does not stand still and there may be sunnier days ahead. Hold on.
You can only ever feel good about yourself if you make sure that you are doing the right thing. Be true to yourself.

Answer 5

It's unfortunate that you didn't recieve love from your parents, that's something that every person needs for their development, but mind you, you can't help what parents you were born to, and the tendencies of your parents don't need to have any bearing on you. You're exactly who you are now, you needn't listen to any negative comments, if you work at it, you can find your own purposes for your life, not anyone else's purposes for your life, and you'll discover that you're a fine person. All it takes is the initiative to say, "My past has no bearing on me, there is only the present, and I'm going to work towards my future."

Answer 6

If she's trying to change those thoughts and they aren't overexaggeration, tell her she's a quack and she should pay *you* for the visit...or at least give the money back.

Again, If it's not overexaggeration.

If it is, maybe you should have a sit-down with them all and see what comes of it. At least you'd know it didn't work.

Answer 7

Family Psychotherapy helps.

Answer 8

give it a chance it is better then what is happening now what do you have to lose. But you have alot to gain if it works................