should i be mad at my husband or not?

Question

ok he is out of town right and he tried to call me and i was here i swear i was but i didn't answer the phone but the ringer must of been off right well he was like yeah right what ever you must take me for some kind of fool, now he is still carrying a grudge over the fact that i cheated on him before we were even married so should i be mad at him and divorce him or should i stay with his sorry ***

we were not even married when i cheated on him so i don't think that should be a matter of trust issues now because we are married now and i have not ever cheated on him since plus he cheated on me when we were dating as well

Answer 1

nice name by the way but you should talk with him about his issues with being insecure you cheated before you were married to him and he cheated on you tell him that you and he both are different now and that you took your vows serious so he has no worries

Answer 2

You shouldn't divorce over something as small as that. What you should do is sit down and have a serious talk with him.

Tell him all your feelings; how you felt so badly when you did cheat, and you obviously wanted him over any other man, because you did marry him.

Make sure that trust isn't an issue with him. Be clear about it. He should know that there are times when you won't be by the phone. What if you had been shopping, or at a friend's house? Would that have been different?

Regardless of the situation, you should trust each other. He's snapping out of past hurt. Maybe he still thinsk loyalty is an issue, when it isn't with you. Give him some closure on the cheating, and make sure to have guidelines about being open and communicating properly.

Also, you're mad at him now for suspecting you. Tell him that. It's hurtful for him to assume you haven't grown since the time you cheated. But still, don't get so angry. It may get in the way of solving this problem.

I'd say, if his paranoia continues, seek couple's therapy or counseling before you leave or say goodbye to your marriage. Vows are supposed to last forever, and divorce shouldn't be sought at the first sign of trouble. Open the lines of communication, and see what happens.

As always, good luck!!!

Answer 3

Lesley, I started not to answer you question, because I am not sure you know what you want. You should be upset with your husband, yes, I agree....but hold the phone! He's still not over your betrayal. Have you ever been cheated on? It's a heartbreaker. The pain is so severe a lot of couples can't survive it. He's forgave you, but he still doesn't trust you again like he should.

BOTH of you are wrong. You are wrong for wanting to ditch his sorry *** because he had a moment of weakness and insecurity. He's wrong for saying what he did. You owe each other an apology. Are you really unhappy with this man? You did make a mistake, and it shouldn't be held over your head the rest of your life, but if you aren't truly sorry for the affair, then you shouldn't be wasting this man's time. Your's either for that matter. Maybe it is time to cut the ties, if he can't forgive you, and you can understand that he's got some trust issues to work on, then maybe you do need to pack up and go.

You deserve someone to love that loves you back in a way that you wouldn't dream of breaking their heart with another man. Your husband needs a woman that he can trust and won't be looking for something he can't give her. I am not trying to put all the blame on you, but you do need to take responsibility for your actions and you need to learn to cut him some slack. He also needs to back up off you some.

I think a good heart to heart talk is needed in this situation. Tell him how he makes you feel. Let him tell you what he's dealing with. I would suggest some counseling, and that might not cure what ails this relationship, but maybe it would help. Sweetie everyone needs to be love and respected and cared for, and if you aren't feeling it or getting it, then maybe it is time to see the lawyer, do some soul searching before he gets home, then sit down with him, and talk.....

God bless us all...................

Answer 4

This is sad. Marriage cannot last if you don't have trust. You can't have love without trust. I suggest if you have any feelings for each other - and this is the only issue - you should seek counseling TOGETHER. As a person who was cheated on in my past (but never by my husband) - I will tell you the sense of betrayal that you go through is heart-stopping. Here you are looking at life together - thinking you are everything to each other - and then find out there was this little FLING. If you take that lightly - or if he takes it lightly (with his fling), you are neither one ready for marriage. Marriage means that "there will be such a oneness that when one weeps - the other will taste salt". I went on to have a wonderful "til death do you part" marriage - and trust and fairytale love was always there.

Answer 5

Well I think I would sit him down and tell him that.. yes, you made a mistake once before you were married, but since the vows you have been 100 percent faithful to him. You are tired of him holding this grudge over you and best thing for him to do is get over the past, You nor him can change what happened way before you got married. That if he doesnt trust you , then what is the purpose of the relationship if there is no trust. See if that gets his attention in any positive way. Good luck!!

Answer 6

It doesn't really matter if you cheated on him when you were dating, engaged, or while you are married....you cheated on him. So part of him probably doesn't trust you. You should be the one that is sorry. It's your own fault that he is accusing you of cheating again. Maybe you should apologize if you already haven't for the time you cheated on him. It sounds like he hasn't healed over it or forgiven you. Go to some counseling. or try to assure him that you wouldn't even think about cheating on him again. You should have thought about how cheating on him would affect your marriage. Tough luck I guess.

Answer 7

Your first mistake was the affair.

Your second mistake is pushing off the blame for your infidility onto your husband who doesn't trust you because you messed up.

You have no right be angry at him and he has every right to be mad at you for not answering the phone when he calls. You have to rebuild your trust with him, and that's going to take quite a long time, more than a year.

If you are not prepared to love this man and do what he needs you to do to be able to trust you again, then you need to get a divorce and let him find a real woman who can live up to her promises and commitments.

Answer 8

It most definitely is a matter of trust for both of you. Just because all the cheating happened prior to marriage does not change the fact that it happened. You should not be mad at him, you both should be doing everything to gain the others trust which could take years.

Answer 9

The bottom line is that you betrayed his trust in you. Once you have lost that, it will be incredibly difficult to get it back, if you ever do. YOU have to accept some responsibility for YOUR actions. After all, this is a situation of your own creation. If you can't or you are unwilling to, then maybe you should move on with your life.

Besides, this question makes it sound like you are just looking for an excuse to leave him anyway.

Answer 10

It sounds as though there is more going on in the relationship than just this argument. You two should sit down and talk it over and see what direction you guys want to go. There needs to be maturity, forgiveness and trust. Think of it like building a house. If the foundation is weak, there house will eventually crumble.

Answer 11

This is all over a silly phone call and you are talking divorce? What ever happen to better or worse? Its a dang phone call so the two of you need to communicate and work this out cause right now you are both being really childish.