My boyfriends family are quite strange sometimes and his brother and girlfriend have made the family turn against me when really they did something wrong. My boyfriend is taking my side but I never want to see any of them again but the problem is he still lives at home. What do I do? Ive been with him for 4 years but I think that If I dont want anything to do with his familly then there isnt much hope for us? Any advise?
2006-10-01 12:30:02 · 12 answers · asked by Karen W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
When you are with a man you have to accept his family, as they are a large part of his life. If you cannot do that, then you probably need to move on. He may take your side now, but eventually the family is going to win out over you.
2006-10-01 12:32:17 · answer #1 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend's family is always going to be his family.
My boyfriend and I have lived together for three years. His brother and I can barely stand the sight of one another. He has also talked bad about me and gotten some of the other family members to not accept me. But I recognize that he will always be my boyfriend's brother, and if I try to come between them, I will drive my boyfriend away. So I bite my tongue a lot and behave in a civil manner when I have to be around him.
Over time, my boyfriend has come to recognize how wrong and unreasonable his brother is towards me, and as a consequence, he chooses not to spend much time with his brother. But this had to be his own decision.
There have been times when I have chosen not to attend family functions because I didn't want to deal with his brother, but I always encouraged him to go and spend time with his family. Even so, it has gotten to the place where we only see his family basically on Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We see his Mom more often because she and I get along well.
If you remain calm and ignore the backbiting and negativity, you will be making them look bad and yourself look good, and hopefully your boyfriend will step in and stand up for you. If he doesn't, let him know - in private ONLY - and in a calm respectful manner that what his family is saying and doing is really hurting you and you would like to feel that you have his support in those moments when this is happening. It may take some time, but if you hold your ground in a firm but respectful manner, either his family will come around or you will find that they become less and less a part of your life.
Good luck!
2006-10-01 19:49:50 · answer #2 · answered by gatheringplace2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Karen, all other people families are "strange" at times, but that is there way of life. I would have thought that after knowing your boyfriend for 4 years, you would be able to talk to them about what happened. If your boyfriend is taking your side that shows his family were indifferent and you should be lucky he is taking your side of the situation, if it had been the other way round and he took his families side I would have said dump th bum, however he is supporting you and that is a good sign. Talk to your boyfriend and ask he if he will come with you to help resolve the situation, Good luck
2006-10-01 19:38:48 · answer #3 · answered by David Wilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you are gonna just give up like that? Are you sure you are in love with him? He is taking your side you said, and if they are talking about as much as you think, then when he's with them, don't you think they give him he*l? Another thing that you have to remember is that it's fair for you to say never see his family again. Just let what ever happened cool off. Then go about visiting them again. Maybe a conversation needs to take place.
This of course is a lot of work and effort. It would be easier to just give up the relationship.....
2006-10-01 19:52:32 · answer #4 · answered by girlnoladrea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow back up hear kid its not his family your in a relationship with if you really love this guy why dump him because of there faults surley after 4 years you would know if he has inheritied any of there faults if he hasnt and hes on your side that says a lot for you bloke sorry but he loves you enough to leave his family to one side and there own petty little feuds , so stick wiht it and youll no doubt be gettin the best of that bunch of grapes kid
2006-10-01 20:45:24 · answer #5 · answered by a1ways_de1_lorri_2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are being petty and are trying to cause trouble then just rise above it. It may be hard but it will show them you are the better person. Your bf will see this and it will show the trouble makers for who they really are. You are dating your bf, not his family!
2006-10-02 08:08:02 · answer #6 · answered by william h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is hope,wat i would do is just dont care about what his family says about you but dont come right out and say it,and plus
everyone has a different perspective about you probaly no one in the world is gonna think the same about you.
so just be you(im confusing)
2006-10-01 19:34:58 · answer #7 · answered by KOS-MOS 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do nothing. Continue to meet on neutral or your territory. He may not be living with them or even seeing much of them in the future anyway. However, don't put him in a situation where you force him to choose.
2006-10-01 19:34:00 · answer #8 · answered by filmwatcher59 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit you bf down and talk to him, tell him how you feel and sort this out, you have to been together 4 years, and it would be such a shame to spit up over his family..................
2006-10-01 22:18:10 · answer #9 · answered by donua1022 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somehow you have got to make peace with his family. If not, well, you'll just have to live with it. He will have to make the choice of you or them.
2006-10-01 19:33:05 · answer #10 · answered by Mary Smith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋