I have been divorced for 2 yrs now, I have 3 wonderful children ages 11,7 and 5. I have tried to tell them that things between their father and me didn't work but he is still their father. I have a hard time when it comes to his weekend because they don't want to go. My daughter will not go. My boys well they are 7 and 5 yrs old tell me that they don't like to go with him because all he does is talk bad about me. I have talked to him about it and all he says is "you and I have nothing to talk about". He tells the boys that I was the one who caused the divorce. In reality he raped me and cheated on me that was the real reason but he won't speak the truth. How can I tell my children what really happened? Please help singlemomintx.
2006-10-01 11:44:05 · 9 answers · asked by singlemomintx 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your doing good by not badmouthing their father, he is showing them who he really is on his own. If they do not want to go, do not make them! It could be worse than they are saying, but bottome line, no child should be put in a situation they are uncomfortable with.
This man sounds unstable and I would not trust him with your children. He could be hurting them to get back at you. Those kids do not need that in their lives.
2006-10-01 11:49:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you and your husband have joint custody and he has court ordered visitation, you really don't have any choice about letting the children go with him. If he won't talk to you about the damage he's doing, perhaps a person you both trust and respect could talk to him on your behalf. You could also petition for him to have supervised visits. Shouldn't be too difficult, especially if you get documentation from a counselor or pediatrician that the children are being affected by his hostility & negativity. Don't be so ready to tell the children the truth. They are probably not ready or able to process that level of violence. They should not be burdened with it. Children have also been known to use manipulation to get their way. The boys might feel they should not have to go because their sister doesn't have to go. Right now, they need stability and consistency. You seem to be providing that, so just keep on doing what you're doing and don't fall into the ex's trap of blaming and shaming.
2006-10-01 19:17:06 · answer #2 · answered by javagirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not blame your kids for choosing not to go with him ...it is a hard situation but not an impossible one.......your kids have the rights too of not to go ....what i would do ...I would get in touch with child support and let them know the situation...you can also mention instead of complaining about him....you can talk of the main problem which is your kids does not want to visit him ...they will investigate and also ask your kids what is the problem ...so this could help you on a future problem ...having an statement or just have witness about what is going on ....the most important thing here are your kids so maybe they will need to have counciling along with their father ...because looks like he does not get it yet ..he raped, what can assure you he can not rape someone else ..he has hate resentment so it is something that he is taking out on the kids ....child support has to help you with
2006-10-01 19:10:28 · answer #3 · answered by Yami 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When they get older they will see what happened, mine did. Children want to love their parents but parents (like your ex) don't know how to move on with their life except to make yours miserable. Don't tell the kids what happened, they aren't old enough to understand the situation yet. You need to set up a mediator to help with the problem and have a judge issue a no visitation without someone to stop him from all the negative crap. Good luck
2006-10-01 19:09:46 · answer #4 · answered by 51ain'tbad 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to not comment on him openly in front of the kids.. He is still resentful and as difficult as this sounds.. You need to just hang in there.. nothing you can do. You're going through a difficult time.. But do know this too will pass. I've been there and done that.. Now they are older.. and respect me more for letting them vent and not reacting.
2006-10-01 18:59:21 · answer #5 · answered by DearAbby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not let him see the kids anymore.
There is a moral boundary he has crossed.
An agreeable custody plan has to be whats best for the kids.
And right now, it's best for the kids not to see thier stinky dad.
He still has some growing up to do.
Do the opposite. Tell the kids, they still have to love dad.
Words get around and come back to you. Speak well of the man because he is dad.
What goes around will surely come back to you.
2006-10-01 18:53:55 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell them. They are too young to understand and really don't need to know. The kids have already figured out Dad's not the greatest guy, which is why they don't want to see him. Just keep being their Mom and let Dad dig his own grave. He's pretty well there now.
2006-10-01 18:51:24 · answer #7 · answered by risa131313 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there done that....
be as nice to him in front of the kids as you can.
they can see who's the idiot and who's not.
it's a shame men act like this isn't it.
Rape is all about power now that you're divorced he is still trying to show who has the power.
take it away from him you can do it girl!!!!
2006-10-01 19:04:20 · answer #8 · answered by dylansmere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get his visitation privlidges revoked due to badmouthing you to the children.
2006-10-01 18:50:52 · answer #9 · answered by Homeless in Phoenix 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋