What is root cause of "difficult in maintiaing eye contact"?

Question

Making eye contact is very difficult . I think most of the times I just give a frown or something like that , drowns me and the other persons eneergy completely .
I dont understand the root cause of this . I try to avoid this as much as possible . A typical situation is when a relative visits ... I find it hard to speak to then and when I look at their eyes I have this disgusting feeling of taking off ! And after that I just try to answer to the question they ask me and thats all - the conversation that I have .
With some friends I find it easier , not bcoz I have this eye contact problem , but kinda know that they know this problem of mine.
I read that "eye contact" cud mean an attempt of establishing emotional connection , and u might feel awkward . Another is "superiority" complex .
Can anyone who this prblem or know about it help me ?
please I find life very dull with all these prblems , feels like my life will go into resolving such trivial issues ... any help appreciated thnx

Answer 1

your confidence, if u hesitate to make eye contact it means you are not confident enough. beleive in yourself, be confident, u can try practicing it out infront of a mirror n u will be able to do it with anybody.

god bless

Answer 2

A little bit of your problems lies with self esteem. Another little bit of the problem is that it truly is fear, of looking into someone's soul and having them look into yours. The more comfortable you become with someone, the more your barriers break down. You tend to look into their eyes a little more each time. Once you are comfortable with being able to have eye contact with just one person, try something that will be garunteed to work the next time around. Establish a rapport with that "comfortable" individual. When you can find commonalities in voice tone, inflection, or body movement and gestures, you can sort of mock what they are doing. It's called being on the level. When you and your communication can lightly match that of the person you are talking to, then you will see, very soon, how your eye contact increases with each new encounter and conversation.

Answer 3

It all comes down to fear. We, like other pack animals, evolved to use body language to establish hierarchy, i.e. dominance. Now that we are no longer relient on that, it's basically a vestigal reflex but it is also a good sign of someones character.

If i spoke to you, and you didn't maintain eye-contact the whole time, i would know you were weak of mind and spirit and basically, you're telling me i'm stronger than you.

Since you have decided it's a problem and you want to fix it, how about trying some new experiences that you can succeed at and gain some confidence in yourself.

Answer 4

Making eye contact when speaking to anyone can be difficult. You want to look at someone when they are speaking to you, however, there is no reason to stare a hold through them. It is o.k. to look them in the eyes off and on while you are speaking. I don't know why people think you must completely stare into someone's eyes when talking. You can't do this on the phone or computer--it's completely ridiculous. Whatever you do, do not resort to medications for this problem---just look in your local paper for a local toastmasters club--this will help you learn to speak to individuals or groups with confidence. Just remember that everyone is human and we all put our pants on in the morning. Good luck and try some self assurance to build your confidence up.

Answer 5

I understand this a little. I can offer an opinion, only - based on similar experience.

I think it has to do with being secure with yourself. When you look at someone's eyes, they are truly "the windows to the soul." Since windows usually work both ways, you may be feeling not so inclined to let someone look inside you, for whatever fear or concern you might have, even if irrational, of being "exposed."

The feeling of "taking off" that you describe is unclear to me...but, I can say that, sometimes, my own feeling was akin to a fear that someone would just suck the life out of me. It's weird, and scary.

But, eye contact is essential to credibility, in almost every situation, in both personal relationships and (most definitely) business relationships. "Superiority" in any context of eye contact is a hard-to-accept "given"...however, "sincerity" is often marked by how much unflickering eye contact you can maintain.

Regardless of the source of your particular issues (or mine) with eye contact, it's a matter of conditioning and technique to overcome the eye contact problem.

I've found, that instead of trying to look at the other person's eyes, you can express the same interest expected of you, without the uneasiness and fear of getting the innards sucked out of you, by focusing on the space between their eyes, while you respond. Or, their nose. You appear involved, because you appear to be giving eye contact, while maintaining a level of composure within, because you're not caving in to the issues you have with looking WAY inside the other person's eyes. And, since you aren't REALLY looking inside their "windows," they aren't really able to look inside yours. It's safe.

I suspect the insecurity has more to do with wanting to connect, but fearing some inexplicable (and logically silly, but emotionally, a tangible threat) feeling of self-destruction. While some feelings are irrational, but nevertheless real to us, there are times (as you have just expressed) in which we are puzzled about how to overcome them, in favor of confidence and security.

If it really bugs you, try doing some searches on public speaking, and confidence building techniques. Google is your friend, and you may also have some success with Dogpile.

In the meantime, find value within yourself, and make it so bright that you can't wait to express the joy with someone else. Your excitement at the wonderful person you discover inside, will far out-weigh any eye-contact issues. Then, just keep the stride...

Answer 6

Maintaining eye contact duroimg converstions denotes sincerity and genuine interest in the conversation and the party you are talking to. It denotes honesty. It doesn't mean the other person want to third degree you or criticize or embarrass you. Avoiding eye contact can denote low self -esteem, low self assurance, distrusts and lies. Keeping this in mind, maybe you can slowly overcome your anxiety. Treat the other contacts as if they are your frinds. Try to feel at ease. Nobody's gonna bite your head off.

Answer 7

In a way I think you have answered your own question. You seem to have less of a problem with those with whom you feel more comfortable. As you get a better level of empathy in getting to know people,my feeling is this will all disappear...remember they too may be feeling just the same as it is fairly common I believe..so try not to worry about it and just get to know people until you feel comfortable with them.

Answer 8

I used to have this problem....
I had a huge guilt complex.
My mother raised me to feel like everything wrong with anything was my fault. I had to learn that I do not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I hope that helps.

Answer 9

I think you have a self esteem issue. Maybe you should see a doctor.

Answer 10

Strengthen your self confidence .you are not obligated to bear everyone,s stare.Love yourself and others and try to smile.