Why do women USUALLY blame the other woman when they discover their man has cheated?

Question

I have noticed that the majority of the time if a woman finds out that her boyfriend or husband is cheating on her, the wounded woman will blame the other woman, hate on the other woman and begin calling the other woman all kind of derogatory names and may actually start fights with her. Of course, the wounded woman will be upset at her lover, but she will usually make up with him and take him back after a while, but she never, ever speaks to the other woman again. This particularly happens if the other woman is a sister or close friend of the wounded woman. Why is this? Isn't the husband/boyfriend equally, if not more, at fault for the infidelity?

Do we hold women up to a higher level and expectation of morality than we do men? Do we just expect men to be "bad boys" and girls to be good and to always do the right thing?

Answer 1

I guess it hurts less to somehow think that your man was manipulated into loving someone else than to admit to yourself that he likes someone else better than you.

Answer 2

It seems that women are held to a higher moral standard than men. It is expected of the men to stray because "they think with their other brain" and they can't help it (not what I think, this is the excuse that society usually makes) and if a women were to be unfaithful, then she is labeled a whore, slut, etc... because she should know better.

Women usually blame the OTHER woman because it's just easier to believe that this evil trashy woman came in and coerced their husband/boyfriend into the affair, rather than accepting the fact that their significant other was a willing participant, if not the one who initiated it all.

Unfortunately when it comes to men, women can be rather stupid and by the looks of things, i see little chance for improvement or change.

Answer 3

For the very same reason parents usually blame anyone but their child when they have poor behaviour or bad grades at school.

Simply put, its the easy way out as the corresponding fix is one which involves introspection and hard work to correct.

In your example, the woman needs to dump her man, get over the breakup, and then, potentially, find a new man.

Why go through all of that bull when I can take the easy way out and blame the other woman (that biatch!).

The old truism in life is good in this example:

There are usually two ways to handle the situation - the wrong way and the difficult way.....unless of course, you are George Bush Paris or Hilton and then there's only 1 way - their way.

Answer 4

It's just easier to point the finger somewhere else. Some women will always want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and will hold to that the other woman "seduced" her man. Hmmm she should look at herself first to see if she could be the cause of the guy cheating. Is she there for him emotionally and physically...if she can't find any faults within her self well she should remember that it takes two to tango both parties are to be blamed.

Answer 5

We do hold them up to a higher standard......I guess because we become mothers.

Why they blame the other woman, never understood that myself. Another woman has no effect unless he is looking for it. I think they just don't want to blame the man.

If you look into the research men and women cheat for different reasons. Many men would rather their wives have sex with someone else rather than have an emotional affair. Emotion is harder to get past. They seem to hold men harmless for their actions.

Answer 6

In these instances the male in the equation is to blame for the majority of the injury. Women who see this any other way are not seeing the reality of the situation. Cheating in any situation is the result of a diseased heart. Though the cheater may justify him/herself or blame their action on prior victimization by all sorts of sources, (society, culture, media, past history, etc.) they are still very much the cause of the action of infidelity. One chooses to do wrong or right. Few men are forced to have sex with women.
Women who blame other women for their cheating spouse or partner are usually weak. It is a rare instance in which a woman will go out of her way to sleep with a man she knows is in a commited relationship. Women are not sexual predators by nature. It is inconceivable to think then that this is the norm. Predatory women do exist, but in such a small quantity that there is no merit for the amount of women who place the blame of a cheating male on the woman he cheated with.
The cheating male still bears the responsibility of at least half the blame and usually a whole lot more.
Women hold other women responsible because they are in denial that they have been emotionally victimized by the man they hold so dear. It is easier to be the victim of someone you don't know that well or someone you don't hold as dear as the man you trust enough to be intimate with. Society does not hold women to a higher standard as much as it holds them to a higher double standard.
It does spring both ways however. This is not something that is just a woman thing. Men exibit the same behavior of shifting blame.
What we have to realize as people is that we cannot continue behaving this way. Cheaters are emotional criminals. The act of cheating is emotional violence to the cheater's partner. We must see the act for what it is and hold accountable the people who were involved in proper proportions. If we do not, we enable cheaters to continue doing emotional violence to ourselves and to others.
If we accept the excuses from the cheater and sympathize with his/her claim of being a result of victimization of one sort or another, we have enabled him/her to maintain a cheaters mindset. As a result he/she will continue to make victims of his/her partners and continue to emotionally assault those who get close to him/her.
Not all mercy is weakness, but in this case, showing mercy only strengthens the pattern of abuse and galvanizes the emotional criminal in his actions.

Answer 7

It's human nature it's easier to blame the other woman and it easier to hate the other woman. Women do this by convincing themselves that their man would not have done something like this unless "she" somehow "made" him do it. The reason for this is simple. No one wants to feel unloved or unappreciated because these kinds of feelings really hurt, and lets face it the truth hurts. So rather then admit to the actual truth women tend to lie to themselves and this is done by usually blaming the other woman.

Answer 8

It's not different on the other side of the fence. Men often go after the man with whom their woman is cheating. I really don't know why this happens. Quite often, the other person is ignorant that the cheater is even in a relationship.

Anyway, it seems more like human nature than just female nature.

Answer 9

there blinded by stupidity, because if the guy cheated, there never was equal love. You know, you love, he loves. You dont want to blame the dude becuase when you love someone, you want them to be the best possible guy in the world. Non-lying, non-cheating. PERFECT. But girls are better than that. Throw out the trash and keep walking down Main Street.

Answer 10

I think it is because women have been socialized to believe that "men are dogs" or "men will be men" and so when a man cheats he is "just being a man" - as if he can't help himself because we are all supposed to accept the fact that his d*ck overrules his sensibility. Therefore, if we accept this notion that men can't be held responsible, the next logical step is to blame the woman he's with because she's supposed to know better than to "mess with another woman's man."

It's all a crock of sh*t. When I was married and my ex cheated I blamed both of them, him equally as much as her and maybe him even a little bit more because he and I were the ones that made the vows to one another to be faithful.

Answer 11

Speaking from my own experience, I hated both my ex-husband and his mistress, but I definitely wanted to kill her. I guess its because I assumed that she as a woman would know how terribly bad she would be hurting another woman - and the fact that she screwed around with my husband knowing he was married and pretended to be my friend to be closer to him! That is the lowest of the low! There are so many great, loyal men and woman out there - it's so stupid how we end up fighting over the losers! - I can say and believe that now!