Yesterday I wrote a post about getting upset and having anxiety when I do not hear from my bf after a certain time during the day. this issue is really getting to be bad because sometimes i think i havent heard from him because he might just be fed up finally (we have a lot of issues) and then i think he just might be busy and i know i'm overreacting. it got so bad one night because his cell phone cut out in the middle of the conversation and when i called back i got no answer. so i was SO worried because i thought he had an accident or something happened, until he could finally call back. Anyway I am thinking moving in with him so i wont have to deal with the anxiety of always worrying about him. I guess my question is what is the etiquette of living together? it would be his apartment i'd be moving to, so would it be proper for me to offer to split the bills with him? I know him and he won't ask me to. Also do you think living together is a good idea? At least then I wont worry
2006-10-01 10:12:20 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Realize that even though u are living with him, u have to allow him the space to do his own thing, otherwise he's going to feel smothered because of your insecurities, as u seem to have issues with trusting him.
2006-10-01 11:07:14 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am speaking to you like I would to a friend. First off, I am very concerned about this anxiety you have if you don't speak with him every day, by a certain time. This is silmilar to the separation anxiey children go through. Honey, you need to see a therapist, you want to be his girlfriend, not his daughter. Moving in with him will not solve the problem, you will become even more dependent on him. Any adult would not ask if they should split the cost of the bills, of course you should offer half of all costs. You will worry whether you are living with him or not. If he is late coming home from work, if he goes out for a beer with a friend, if he just needs some away time, I think you will have anxiety that will get worse over time, not better. I cannot stress counseling enough, as you need to work on these issues before you move in with anyone, so you can have a healthy adult relationship. good luck
2006-10-01 10:25:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No that is definitely not the answer.
Your problem is a mental issue. Anxiety.
You need to get that sorted out. You can never be around anyone 24/7 and if you're having problems already, living together, especially for the wrong reasons is going to give you a whole lot more.
Also, it is highly likely, almost a fact that you guys will break up some day. So you need to get your mental issues sorted out so you can deal with it properly.
Also look at it this way, it is probably very hard on your guy and your anxiety and worrying over him is likely to drive him away from you. So please get yourself sorted out, it will make life so much easier and make your bf less likely to leave you.
2006-10-01 10:25:12 · answer #3 · answered by Fluffy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are thinking about moving in with someone you are having relationship issues with? I am not trying to be mean but if you think he is getting fed up just because he doesnt call at a certain time, then you have some issues you need to work on. Please see a relationship counselor or just a counselor it sounds a lot like codependency disorder but I am really not qualified to say. I would have to say that until you establish some trust between the two of you there are going to be more issues coming up. Bad Idea
2006-10-01 10:19:50 · answer #4 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it truly that you worry or are you possessive of him? If it is the latter of the two, you are sure to scare him away. If it is because you truly worry about him, then perhaps you have some anxiety issues that you need to address. Also, does he know that you want to move in? If so, splitting the bills with him would be the noble thing to do. If not, he could feel like you are trying to take advantage, etc. I would definitely think about this prior to making any big decisions. Good Luck.
2006-10-01 10:17:38 · answer #5 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should pay your half of the bills. It's not like you are married.
You will worry more living together. He will not want to sit home with you all the time and now he won't have the excuse that you live apart to get away from you.
You need to get some time consuming hobbies and let his leash out a bit.
Loving with a closed hand always kills the bird. Loving with an open hand gives the bird the opportunity to fly back to you when they want to.
2006-10-01 10:17:04 · answer #6 · answered by pleeks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel, I am somewhat like that, but try to back off a little-you will scare him away. Do u worry about him being with another woman? or worry for his well being? Only you can answer that truthfully, do not try to know his every move-It will drive you crazy.. Just trust him and let him have some space. I think you should move in together and give it a shot-but make sure it is a join discussion.
2006-10-01 10:41:39 · answer #7 · answered by carpet man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point in time; terrible idea! You admitted above to having alot of issues and until you resolve them, you two have no chance together. Moving in with him will only complicate the situation further. Also you need to curb big time your wild imagination of what happens when you dont hear from him in a certain time. This will only scare him away from you. Its not going to be like your married so he doesnt really legally have to answer to you for every minute of his life (doesnt work in marriages either). So get your issues resolved before moving forward or you just might be making the biggest mistake of your life. Think about it
2006-10-01 10:27:41 · answer #8 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe in living together or having sex before marriage... but putting that aside I think living together will magnify your problem not lessen it. You have some security and trust issues. you need to deal with and overcome those. If not you may push him away.
I head this on TV and I think it applys here...
Fear is ...
False Evidence Appearing Real
Don't live in a world of fear of what may happen. No one person is perfect and you will be disappointed at times but if you don't trust the other person and you live in constant fear of being hurt and alone you will miss out on the wonderful times that true love and commitment bring.
Kathy
2006-10-01 10:26:44 · answer #9 · answered by c2god2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my. This does not sound like a healthy or safe relationship. You should be feeling joy and bliss if you are thinking of moving in -- not anxiety, insecurity. I think moving in would be a big mistake. If this guy knows he is making this way he is using it against you -- like a power trip. I think you should think about breaking up not moving in. Especially if you have issues as you say.
Nothing in this world is worth being with a guy who does not treat you like royalty and no guy is better than jerk guy or loser guy. Trust me, I've been there.
2006-10-01 10:20:27 · answer #10 · answered by Beth M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know that this is not what you want to hear but BAD IDEA!
It sounds like you do not trust him completely and honestly it would only be worse if you lived together. I say you need to fix what is wrong before you move forward and if you are unable to fix your issues or come to a resolve then you might want to think about being on your own.
2006-10-01 10:19:43 · answer #11 · answered by td3nnis 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋