i have this best friend, or was a best friend, we've been mates since we were lil' tods, and lately shes got together with this bloke, and it was lovely to see her so happy as she was never great with the whole relationship side of things.
Anyway i could see things were starting to change...
"I'm sorry, i'm not allowed to hang around with you, my bf says its for my own protection"
i was a lil confused by this but gradually accepted it
then she said "oh ive had to delete all my contacts on my phone and computer, except you, its for my own protection" i could tell he was starting to control her, being a best mate 'n' all i had to do something about it, so i told her how i felt with her new relationship... she just flew off the handles and walked away from me, and now she's deleted me from any kind of contact, she did speak to me the other day and said "we can't be best mates anymore, he says its for my own protection"
it hurts that shes put him first....
2006-10-01 10:12:02 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
i admit that the comment i made to her was rude, but do i really deserve it this much? i was just trying to be a best mate....
boyfriends come and go, but best mates stay forever, surely?
2006-10-01 10:13:17 · update #1
You didn't deserve it at all. You were hurt when you said things to her, and it's understandable. It does happen in life that we will let our best girlfriends take the back sear to a new/serious relationship - that's a given. But alienating them is another thing. You are right in saying that she is controlled by him. Unfortunately, most people in controlling situations will not get out until they realize that it is happening, get tired of it, or have some type of intervention. The only thing that you can do is let her know that you care for her and are concerned about her well-being, and she can come to you for anything - any time she needs you. Leave it like a gift on her doorstep, and when she is ready to open it, she will. In the meantime, try to live your life, and take care of yourself. Worrying about her is human and natural, but obsessing over it will do you no good (it is out of your control). I hope you have a good day, and take care! :)
2006-10-01 10:23:13 · answer #1 · answered by polishedamethyst 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you don't desrve this sort of treatment and it does seem (without knowing all the facts) that her boyfriend is being very controlling. Please, despite feeling hurt like you do which is only naturally, try not to cut off all communication with her, as if things don't work out she may well need a true friend, like yourself. Even if she has deleted contact info, she will if in need turn to you and then will truly appreciate what a good friend she has in you.
If things do work out and once the initial phase has passed she may well start to include you in her circle once again and if your friendship has been long and strong then it will be worth the wait.
In the meantime, try not to worry too much. Get out and about with other mates and make the best of every day cos life if short.
God Bless and Good Luck.
2006-10-01 10:19:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right to worry about her. He sounds like a really nasty piece of work. And deep down she knows it too, but the more people tell her he's a slimeball, the more she'll insist on staying with him. Sorry, it's just human nature.
Of course it hurts that she puts him first, but put that out of your mind for now. Just get in touch with her somehow. Tell her you are still her friend and will always be there if she needs you, but you appreciate that she doesn't want to see you at the moment and you hope she will be happy with her bloke.
Then you walk away and get on with your own life. Eventually she will realise she has made a horrible mistake and then she will need a friend. And you will be there to pick up the pieces like good friends do.
You're right that men come and go but friends are always there. But everyone is entitled to make one mistake, and it looks like this is hers. Try not to judge her too harshly for it, cos maybe you'll do the same thing one day.
You sound like a good friend to have.
2006-10-01 10:28:36 · answer #3 · answered by Fifi L'amour 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love or infatuation makes you see only the things you want to and can often leave others feeling left out. I don't think you've done anything wrong. As a friend you can tell your friend your opinion and it's up to her if she wants to accept it or not. Having done the right thing, you should now stand back and let her deal with any repercussions that may happen. You have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. Hopefully, she'll realise she's made a mistake and make amends.
2006-10-02 03:48:29 · answer #4 · answered by Fragile Rock 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best mates usually start to miss the relationships they had in the past and eventually I think she will see the situation for what it really is and seek you out, Will you be there when she does? I hope so, you are correct, you do not deserve this but we all have to learn our own lessons in life. Be a friend and be there when she makes the break,You will be glad you did.
2006-10-01 10:32:38 · answer #5 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does.
But you can still be her best mate by being there for her when she'll need your help. Not if, really when.
For now, there's nothing you can do; she has to go through her own experience of life, and hopefully learn from it.
She is weak, and as you said, since she never had a bf before, she is going to do what it takes to keep that one.
So, whatever you could say to her about him is definitely not going to play in your favour.
Let her be, and if you can, be there for her when she'll need you.x
2006-10-01 10:29:09 · answer #6 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were right, it is very stupid for her to put him before you. but she is probably the type that can be controlled easily and is willing to put up with that controlling person as long as he makes her FEEL GOOD. He is probably the cheating type also because she deletes contacts but he doesn't. WHAT IS THAT???...so don't even stress yourself about it...if she was a true friend she wouldn't have put you in that predicament so you can either continue to try and show her that he isn't right for her or you can let her be... in hopes that she comes to her senses...ya know?
2006-10-01 11:05:32 · answer #7 · answered by JUST* KEEP *SWIMMING 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you dont deserve to be treated like that, however she will eventually realise what a w####r he is it may not be today tomorrow or even this year but when she does she will relise how much your friendship really means to her and she wil need you so if you want to continue this friendship then you'll be there for her when it all goes wrong because thats what real friends do. in the mean time keep your chin up im sure it will work out good luck x
2006-10-01 10:19:57 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah Jane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell her, whether she wants to hear it or not, that you wiull always be there for her if she needs your help. Then leave her alone. My strong feeling is that she'll come running to you when the bf starts being violent. He is showing all the symptoms. Get on with your life of course, but don't desert her. You are a good friend. She'll need you.
2006-10-01 10:35:37 · answer #9 · answered by yvonne c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just make sure your friend knows where you are because chances are when it goes belly up (notice i used the word when not if) it'll be u she'll want to come to for support. she'll realise u were right. if things get really bad have a discreet word with her mum and dad... chances are they may be feeling the same as you. good luck with that>>>>>
u know what they say........ blokes come and go but mates are forever
2006-10-01 10:48:32 · answer #10 · answered by lilbex87 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋