I was recently married to a man I have been madly in love with for 5 years. It was a dream come true. We had a dream wedding and and even more incredible honeymoon. One week after returning from our honeymoon, I found out that he has been having all kinds of sex with my then 15 and now 16 year old daughter. My daughter had been severly depressesd and I had her in counseling.
I am divorcing him and he is being prosecuted criminally.
My relationship with my daughter is damaged and I had her move in with her Father.
I am having a very difficult time dealing with this devestation. I want to have my daughter back at some time but I am hurting way too much. I feel so betrayed my this man I was totally in love with. I feel so much pain and wonder if I will ever be able to fall in love or have someone fall in love with me again.
Has anyone ever gone thru something like this that might have any insight or thoughts? (I sure hope not)
My daughter thought she was in love with him.How?
2006-10-01 08:50:30 · 26 answers · asked by Princess 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I've experienced a situation in my family that is relative...
Moving forward in this painful situation won't be easy, the healing wounds for both you and your daughter need attention. You already show a healthy outlook with your desire to mend both your daughter and your relationship with her and your concern of loving again.
It's okay to understand your feelings. Yes, you and your daughter were betrayed, and deceived by the same man. You've done well to separate yourself from this man for both you and your daughter.
Seek faith based support groups and people who have a achieved successful healing from similar situations, letting go and healing from it.
Joyce Meyer is one who experienced it, healed from it, a success story today and has excellent advice documented in her book, "Beauty for ashes". You can pick this up at a local Christian book store or buy it online at www.halfpricebooks.com or at your local Mardel Bookstore or Family Christian Bookstore.
2006-10-01 09:10:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First let me say, that this is not your fault!!! There is no way you could have known that this man would be abusive to your daughter.
People who are abusive are very manipultive and don't let us see their true colors until it is too late. Also, this is not your daughters fault either. The person that is to blame is the man that did this to your daughter.
I'm glad to hear that he is being prosecuted crimminally so, he won't be able to do this to anyone else.
The best thing to do is to start going to individual counseling for you and your daughter. Then, at some point, you will both need to go to counseling together. Try to find a counselor who specializes in sexual abuse. You can also go online and find out about some group counseling in your area. Go to www.rainn.org
or contact your local family services dept to see if they have any programs to help you and your daughter.
Remember you are not alone. Unfortunutely, this happens more than we are aware of.
One day you and your daughter will be able to move on and put this behind you but, it will take time.
2006-10-01 09:33:03 · answer #2 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having him prosecuted was first of all the best thing you could of done; at least your daughter knows for starters that she was the most important thing in your life and you'd not allow this type of behavior from a man you supposedly loved! Give her some time; she's devastated at what has happened to her and probably will need lots of support from everyone around her, including you! She has to be full of anger, resentment, hurt, you name it, she's probably going through it! Just be there for her and be patient, she has to deal with the situation on her own before she's ready to talk to you about it! She knows deep down that mom is hurt by all this too and maybe afraid at this point all the wrong things will be said and farther damage will be done to the point of never being able to put things on the mend! Good luck and God Bless!
2006-10-01 10:03:41 · answer #3 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I found your question when I was answering someone else's question. Your story breaks my heart.
When I was a girl that young, I would have believed any man's story on how much he loved me. It's the age of self doubt, and love is not clearly understood. Girls need that "father figure" in their lives, and somehow ill intended men always know that. You are doing what's best by seeking professional help. I am sure the counselor will guide you in repairing the relationship between you two. Be prepared for the hate before the love though, she will have to work out her feelings before trusting her love for you again.
As for you ever loving anyone again... time and a good person will be the answer for that one. You will never trust openly again, so it will be the patient man who really wants you that will go through the emotional trials you will run him through. When you fall in love, you trust blindly sometimes, and that just kills your soul when that trust is broken. I was cheated on, and did not catch on at first. That feeling of being so "stupid" haunted me for years. When I forgave my shortcomings years later, I realized my self inflicted sentence was worse than anyone could have given me.
Don't give up hope. What does not kill you, only makes you stronger. I know that's over used, but remember to be stronger for your daughter and for yourself.
2006-10-03 13:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by BuffyFromGP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just went through a similiar situatio...my ex fiance of four years was molesting my 7 and 8 yo...its a very hard thing to get past and we are all still in recovery from it. I still go to couseling once a week, i have just recently come off the meds....pedifiles know how to manipulate and convince these kids that what is going on is right...one thing that helpem me out some was to gooline and do my own research about pedephiles, hoping that i can gain some understanding in it all...very good luck hun
2006-10-01 09:15:04 · answer #5 · answered by lovin_me14020 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Molesters are crafty characters, they know all kinds of tricks to make you think that they're madly in love with you but they're not. Don't be too hard on yourself. A lot of women have fallen for these predators. I know because I used to work with Child Protective Services.
The important thing is not to dwell on the past but concentrate on the future, your daughter's future! Help your daughter get counseling. Do some joint counseling with her so she knows you're sorry she got molested and that you hate yourself for not being able to keep her safe.
You need to work on repairing your relationship with her and helping her deal with the issues from the molestation.
2006-10-01 08:58:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It used to be that one in three girls were molested, now it is one in five. A great way to guarantee the availability of children to molest is to marry a single or divorced female or move in with her.
Obviously, the high crime rate did nothing to motivate the government or the Catholic church to act until pressured to do so. Children are not a priority for either institution.
One in five girls is still an extremely high statistic. Until the government can successfully deal with this problem, I simply don't date because I don't want to put my children at risk.
2006-10-01 09:00:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can suggest that you leave him really quick i'm a survivor in molestation and I hated my mo for not protecting me first. I understand you love him but a man comes and goes your child is yours forever and you have to get with that. Don't keep her with her father stand up and put him in jail for the mximun sentence please once your daughter sees that you are in her corner the relationship will begin to mend and you need to be open to her feelings because you don't overcome something like that overnight.
Please put her first right now she needs her mothers nurturing hand right now.
2006-10-01 09:00:27 · answer #8 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm really sorry to hear this and it's a really sad story
you need to spend time with your daughter because she needs you more than ever and you need her more than ever
cast that man away he doesn't deserve you
talk to your daughter alone with a therapist so you can figure out how you can get through each day
good luck and God's blessings
2006-10-01 10:11:28 · answer #9 · answered by yoshispeedwayusa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a man with 3 daughters , send him to prison and let the other inmates know what he has done and his fate will be worse than death, he will find out about a whole new kind of sex..
2006-10-01 08:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by valveman 3 · 4⤊ 1⤋