I am still very much in love with her, we had alot of problems. She moved to London, was living in my flat, would not get a job or help with housework. I admit I have not been easy to live with of late, lots of personal/work stress, so I would often take out my frustration on her. I have also been drinking heavily and had a bad temper and could get suicidle, but i never hit her,only cowards do that. My job (I am a Chef) didn't give a **** when i asked for a little time to get over the pain, so they fired me. But I am seeking another one, life goes on and I've had 2 weeks of hell. We had so many plans, refurbished the flat and bought furniture/decor together.am really heartbroken and depressed. I would have done any thing for her. I still have a good relationship with her dad and brother who are very pissed off with her for doing this, but she will not email me or answer the phone. Before she left she said we needed some time apart and she was going to the states anyway later on.
2006-10-01 07:52:12 · 28 answers · asked by Joeyjo75 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
give her time to sort her head out and try writing to her with all your thoughts if she really loves you she will come back to you. Sometimes its the women who need to leave to make you get your head sorted but good luck whatever happens
2006-10-01 08:10:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything will be ok, don't worry about it now. There is nothing you can do now but wait. You have done all you can to keep a comfortable home for the one you love. She was stupid and seemed to only want YOU to be doing the work! She is such a mean person to think she could get away with it and YOU were being stupid to think that that kind of lifestyle would work out!
You need to be strong in your next job and not have personal encounters get in the way of your work. People aren't sensitive in the business world.
Let her think things over. If everything works out well, then you two will get together and be happy once again. If not, don't be glum about it and just not want to live anymore. Pick up your head and do well in your job. Love will come naturally from someone if you are good at what you do.
Hope it works out!
2006-10-01 08:07:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry for what you're going through. It's hard to be a woman and have someone take out their frustration on you sometimes. Just because she left doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Give her some time. If it's meant to be, it will work out. Get your life back together. Stop the drinking and maybe promise her you'll get some therapy. Maybe she was scared when you got suicidal. I would be scared if my fiance did that to me too. Women are sensitive whether they show it or not. Time is good for the both of you. I know it's hard but she probably just needs some time alone to think things over. Don't call or email her. Let her talk to you. She'll only get annoyed if she wants her space and you keep bothering her. When girls say they want space, they mean it. They don't like to be bothered. Just be strong and hopefully things will be okay.
2006-10-01 07:57:02 · answer #3 · answered by spankedelic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say she would not get a job or help with the housework. Did you not know these things before you married her? Or are you saying after the wedding she just got lazy......
To much drinking is bad in every situation. You say you have temper, but you did not hit her. Well are you looking for a congratulations that you never hit her? You say only cowards hit. So in other words you are saying its ok for you to have a temper and verbally, mentally and emotionally hurt her because you never hit her.
Well let me tell you one thing... Words linger on forever in a persons mind, the pain from a slap goes away and you forget about it. So how can you sit here and justify that your temper is ok.
You claim to be suicidal. Ask yourself this, is this true or one of your games in your master plans.
You bought furniture together.... So you think that means she had no right to leave you? Buying anything together means nothing.
Plans do get changed, so you have to live with it and get off your piss pot and get your life together. No women in their right mind is going to come crawling to you when you are in this frame of mind.
Hello. they did not fire you when you asked for time off. They more then likely told you no. And you either told them off, or took the time off. Your personal problems have nothing to do with your job. You had no buisness carring your garbage into your job. You crossed the line there.
And as for her family. You have and had no buinsess contacting them. Your wife left you, and if the feels the need to tell them why, Then she will. It is not your place to tell her family what is going on. I highly doubt they are mad at her for leaving. Or pisses as you wrote it.
Your wife has done nothing wrong, so how can her family be pissed at her. Your the one with the temper who drinks to much. If I was with a man who drank to much and had a temper, I would not do a dam thing either around the house.
Your wife is the one who should be depressed. I am sure these problems where all apparent before you got married. I think the two of you may have rushed into things.
If she is from the USA and you from Londen then how did you meet. Was it online..... There is so much of the storry that you are leaving out.....
But the bottom line is..... You have a temper and drink to much. Your wife did the best thing by walking away and leaving you.
I do not understand your thinking. You come on here and make this all about you. Your suicidal, and got fired from your job. i am sure your work performance was not good for quite sometime, and add this to the top. Your place of emloyment had no obligation to feel sorry for you because your wife left. She left because of your drinker and temper.
You say you have had two weeks of hell. So once again this all about you. How many months of hell do you think your wife has gone through. With your drinking and temper.
So stop making this about you.... I am sure your wife did not help your situation anyway. But to sit here and blame her..... and to blame your boss for firing you.
You have alot of growing up to do.. you need help. you are an alcholic and you have a temper....... I do not blame your wife for ignoring you. You say you are a chef. You made a point to let us know that. Do you think that since you are a chef, that it makes you a bettter person...
If you were good at your job, then your boss would have not fired you. So you need to be honest and tell things for the way they really happened....
Yes this hurts you and now you are probally thinking I am a bich. Cant spell it the right way or it will not show up.
She said she needed time a part so give it to her, and leave her alone. when and if she is ready she will let you know....
2006-10-01 08:14:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have too much going on to tunnell vision this relationship. All relationship tragedies are contributed to by both parties, but it seems your issues, both before and after the breakup need to be addressed.
All things happen for a reason, and when doors close, others always open. You need to look for them and start taking paths that will lead you to a better you.
She made it clear in saying she needs space, so give it to her. Send one last letter for now letting her know you care about her and will give her the space she needs and that you realize now that you too could use some time to get yourself in a better place. You can't share a love with anyone else unless you love yourself. You don't know where a "better you" can or will take you. You may love your wife, but in repairing your own issues, you may come to find out this woman wasn't able to deal with low times and feel she didn't stick around to help you. On the other hand, you admit you took your stress out on her, so while you are aware that doing that is not the right thing to do, you admit you did it anyway. Telling people you are going to change, doesn't change you, changing your ways will. Most times you need to change your circumstances to change your situation and some of us need a bigger shove into a circumstance than others. Can I assume your wife's family is located in the states and she came there to be with you? Does she have friends and or family in England as a support? This could be another reason for the run off. Being trapped in a relationship that is controlling you and not making you happy is not healthy for anyone. Situations like this lead to terriobly abusive relationships and it almost becomes acceptable to both parties that this is how it is. This is who he/she is. None of us are ever too old for tough love, maybe she loves you so much, it's you she's giving the space to. Open your mind to other possibilities. Sometimes staying positive takes looking at yourself in the mirror and giving you a pep talk. I know it's difficult, I can and do get depressed at times. It's having been through things that depress me and bring me down that have also taught me to get through them better. Waking up one day and realizing I've gained 15 pounds while being on a work leave and missed a whole season, We went from winter to summer, that was my time, given by the grace of G*D, how dare I toss it away. NO, I am not religous, but I am spiritual, I believe in karma. Are you going to take all the crap life is tossing at you, or are you going to go down fighting? It's only you that you are fighting for. We all have free will, and it's something you cannot control in someone else. You can only control their actions while they allow you to do so. Do you want her with you because you tell her to be there? Her free will brought her there for a reason, present that reason again.
In seeking help for yourself. I wish you the strength to rise above and beyond your present situation as well as the courage to explore and find a new outlook on life.
Tomorrow is going to come, with or without you, and with or without her. What are you going to choose to do with it? Have you noticed you are still breathing, still here and caring about other people. You have a purpose here, find it and start turning situations positive. Maybe see her leaving as not an end, but a chance to a new beginning. If she never left, you wouldn't know what it's like without her and it may be the motivation you need to find the opportunities that truly exist for you. Maybe that job isn't the place for you, work for someone who appreciates you, become a chef no restaurant wants to be without and present yourself as such. That takes confidence, get it back. The restaurant business can be a cut throat business, but a good reputable chef is wanted, not tossed.
I can go on forever, but I won't,.....I'm sure you're saying thank G*D by now, LOL Spell checker isn't working so forgive me if I overlooked any Typo's.
Possitive thinking and action have a super power.
2006-10-01 08:47:52 · answer #5 · answered by Cinderella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give her the time she needs. that's really all you can do. don't contact her at all. even through her relatives. if she wants to come back to you she will. until then you need to work on bettering yourself. get a job, start going to either counseling or church, and get into a hobby or sport you like. just get yourself out of the house so you can get your mind off her. who knows maybe you won't want her back after awhile. you might meet someone else that is a better fit for you. good luck, now straighten up your life and move on.
2006-10-01 08:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need to pick up the pieces of your life and put them back together why the drinking heavy? Why the suicidal thoughts? Why are you not worthy of life? I will answer that question for you being that you are feeling sorry for yourself. Yes you are worthy of life. Yes put the bottle down. Your wife did what needed to be done but you never would have had strenght to do what she did, leave so you both can get back on track. I just went through something similar and jusy yesterday i e-mailed my boyfriend and told him Thank You! I was drinking and becoming a nuiscance in our relationship i was suicidal and then i hated him for leaving but it needed to be done the relationship was unhealthy for both of us. We are still in the relationship but decided not to live together right now. Pick up the pieces of your life and put them back together. Then and only then will you prosper. GOD BLESS YOU!
E-MAIL ME! For more support or advice.
2006-10-01 08:03:52 · answer #7 · answered by mdboomskwad.mc4u 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a good start that you know why it went wrong. You need to carry on with turning things round, which you've started. When she comes back from the States, she'll see how you've sorted yourself out and will no doubt want to try again. Thing is, be prepared you might have moved on - sounds like it wasn't all your fault either, she wasn't making a fair contribution to the home. So it's up to her to look at herself too. Keep in touch with her dad and bro, but my advice is DO NOT bad mouth her - don't continue a conversation with them even if it is them, not you, who is saying stuff. It will get back to her and backfire on you, believe me. If they diss their own sister/daughter to you don't be fooled they won't be doing the same with her, however well intended you think they are. Things will get twisted out of context and it will distract you from moving forward. Make a list of all the things you need to fix - inside and out - and get on with doing it. Good luck to you.
2006-10-01 08:05:36 · answer #8 · answered by Just_wondering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe the drinking, anger and arguments did not help...you had work stress....the old saying goes...never take your work home with you...that includes the stress...she has probably just had enough, give her some cooling off time, then contact her, i just hope you can help yourself through this, it's hard, but you cannot stay in the position your in now...get positive, go for that job, start over, when she is ready, she will come to you, bless you
2006-10-01 08:35:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying that you need therapy, well yes you do if you are suicidal, but other then that, therapist are good people to talk to in situations like yours. Going would not mean that you are at total fault for this, she seems to be a big part of your relationship going sour. Maybe they can help you come more to terms with this, and ease your pain.
2006-10-01 07:57:13 · answer #10 · answered by Evie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋