He moved abroad when she was 2 weeks old and has never shown an interest in her - no birthday cards, christmas cards, no asking how she is. He hasn't seen her either, she is now nearly 6 years old. I have tried to stay in contact for her sake but I feel that there is nothing I can do to make him want to be apart of her life. All he's interested in is telling me how great his life (& sex life) is. Should I keep waiting? How long before I say "enough is enough"?
2006-10-01 06:48:55 · 26 answers · asked by miyazaki_babe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
No, I do not think you should bother. After 6 years, what reasonable expectation can you possibly have about him wanting to be friends or take an interest in his daughter. It may be that someday, he will grow a conscience and a desire to know his daughter, but that's not something you can depend on, nor is it something that you should sit around waiting for it to happen. If by some miracle he does take an interest, it's on him to make the effort to contact you - he's the one who left and made no efforts for six years. If he does grow up and wants to take part in her life, good for him, but in the mean time, you have done more than what's fair, and you should not have to do anymore as far as he is concerned.
As for your daughter, tell her the truth if she asks, but try not to be bitter about it, at least not to her. God knows you have every right to feel that way, but for her sake, don't poison her mind with hatred or bad feelings... about him or for that matter, anybody. Raise her to be a positive and strong girl who learns love from you, and not hate.
Good luck to you and your daughter!
2006-10-01 07:02:17 · answer #1 · answered by Akane 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a similar though not identical situation in my life and my experience as a child was similar too coming from a broken home and my father not making a great deal of effort to keep a relationship with my sister and I. My advice would be always leave the door open for your daughter to pursue a relationship with her father in the future should she wish to. ie. avoid saying bad things about him in front of her and don't refuse him any contact with her should he or she wish to initiate it, but aside from that it sounds as if you have done the best you can to try to keep contact with him and now you should just leave it to him. If he doesn't have the maturity to understand what he has missed and is continuing to miss there is nothing you can do to make him see or to make a relationship between him and his daughter. It may be hard to get the balance right but I think what you need to do is to stop feeling that you are responsible for keeping in touch with him but at the same time don't end all possibility of him and your daughter one day making contact with each other should they wish it.
2006-10-01 07:02:44 · answer #2 · answered by kali.mama 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am in this situation, my 11 year old daughters father came back after 11 years, no cards nothing, i have always sent cards to him though, he said he was frightened to contact me because of what he did, i still love this guy and always will, but at the same time i hate him for what he has done to my daughter, he came into her life 3 months ago and 1 month ago walked out again, my daughters head is in bits, but he is not interested, all i say is keep the lines open for your daughters sake, she is the innocent one at the end of the day you will have the memories and he wont, and children don't forget. if you want to email me please do, take care honey x
2006-10-01 07:01:29 · answer #3 · answered by trouble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the man shows no interest in his daughter then you should not feel obliged to stay friendly, or even to stay in touch with him.
The important thing is to never talk badly about him to her - he is half of her after all. If he ever has a change of heart and wants to see her, she can meet him without any kind of prejudice and make her own mind up about him.
He seems to be trying to put you off by talking about his sex life, so leave him to his grubby pleasures. Are there any members of his family or friends you can stay in touch with instead? That way the door is open for him to get in touch if he wants and you won't vanish from his radar completely.
2006-10-01 06:58:12 · answer #4 · answered by Fifi L'amour 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if you've tried for all those years to get him to be apart of his daughters life and he still ignores the fact that shes there then just let it go, because he obviously dosen't care. If he wants to be in her life later then I guess that would be a good thing, but she might reject him for ignoring her presents for all those years. Beside maybe you'll find someone who will love her like a father is suppose to love a daughter.
2006-10-01 07:00:41 · answer #5 · answered by angeleyes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should just let go and if later in the future he the father or she your daughter wont to see each other then let your daughter see him for her self and never down him in front of her let her make up her own mind on how she feels about him this is what my mom did with me and my siblings and i didn't meant my dad tell i was 11 years old my mom and dad split up when i was two so i knew nothing about him but what my mom told me and that was we just had our differences and so we parted so it would not affect you and you know i love my dad very much and now my mom and dad are like best friends so be careful what you do and if anything just let it go till the time comes when she wont's to see him or he wont's to see her then go from there hope this helped and good luck in the future
2006-10-01 13:20:16 · answer #6 · answered by kristy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Ex would seem to be the sort of person I would not want my Daughter to associate with in any way. It is obvious from your statement that he has not been concerned about your Daughter for more than six years but can still contact you to brag of his GREAT sex life. Clearly he that he just wants to hurt you both.
2006-10-01 07:00:24 · answer #7 · answered by Whistler R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as you have an address for your daughter when she is older your love should be enough. Then when she wants or should I say If she wants to get in touch don't hold her back. She will still love you and probably see him for what he is. My mate found her dad after about 30 years but he didn't want to know but her mum did not stand in her way and they are closer now than before
2006-10-01 08:39:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Enough is enough. I respect you greatly for trying to keep things open for your daughter but if he has shown no interest of concern for her for 6 years, I think you should revoke his rights - that is easy to do with him being over seas. He has shown (Proven!) that he does not care about her.
In time you will meet a good man who will love you both, and he deserves to have the rights of a dad - not this sperm doner.
2006-10-01 07:11:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anne A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say now is about time to cut contact with him Keep the address and contact details and let your daughter make her own choices when she is older she may not even want to know him. At the end of the day it all his loss.
2006-10-01 06:53:04 · answer #10 · answered by Ben 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋