what should i do?

Question

my husband and i are having a really hard to right now..
ok his daughter moved here from D.C. she is 24 with a(n) 9 year old and a 5 year old
she is living with us so i let her use my car to find a job well that was 5 months ago now on a rainy day she runs my car thru a puddle and it shuts the computer system down after her friends tries to boost the negative to the positive
well now i have been without a car for 2 months its in the shop but they are having a hard time replacing the system
so far they estimated my 2004 chevy impala at 789.00 and she is now working making 312.00 a week does not contribute any thing toward bills food hygiene items nothing her 9 year old pisses to bed every day my water bill has went from 56. monthly to 167.00 she does not disipline her for it so she thinks its ok
i ask her to by her pampers but she stated they are to expensive
and went out las week an purchased a 189.00 metro p c camera phone daddy says nothing should i just move

Answer 1

You're at home! She's visiting!! Tell her to leave....and if your husband doesn't like it, he can go too. They are using you like they want to, and will continue until you put a stop to it. Do THAT today! You deserve better from them, and your husband!!

Answer 2

I am in a similar situation. You have to have a serious talk with "daddy" and in turn the both of you with the daughter. If she does not contribute to the well being of the household let alone her children she should move on. This is a serious matter and can drive a wedge between you and your husband. Do not let her kick you out of your own home! Figure up how much more you are paying each month on electricity water, etc. Tell the daughter she is to pay this! If she does not it is eviction time and Daddy better be with you on this.

Answer 3

Why should you move? Take your husband out to the park or somewhere so you two can be alone and talk. Tell him how you feel and that now that his daughter has a job that he needs to help her find a place of her own. Give him a time frame of when you want her out. Let him know how much you love him and want to be alone with him once more without having everyone there all the time. Don't threaten him about getting her out or that will just cause you two trouble. But, if you need to help her find a place of her own and help her move. Good Luck!!!!!

Answer 4

Daddy probably spoiled his daughter as a child, and lacks the guts to force her to become an adult. Sad. But, just because he won't behave like a good father, it doesn't mean you should pay the price in aggravation for his daughter's stupid behavior. Don't bother talking to the daughter. TELL your husband that either the girl and her kids move out, or you will move out. Give him 45 days to get his freeloading brat out. Not ONE more day. Then, if he doesn't, you move, and file for divorce. Unless YOU behave as the adult, he'll allow his daughter to squat in your home until hell freezes over. Of course, you must expect to be considered the "evil" step mom. Be strong, and don't compromise.

Answer 5

What do you mean should you just move? You need to talk to your husband & let him know how you feel so the both of you can deal with this together. Trying dealing with the problem before you start thinking about running away. Have you asked you daughter to start contributing to the household expenses? I hope that all turns out well & goodluck.

Answer 6

OK, enough is enough. Your husband has to be the one to tell his daughter that she has to move on. She is an adult and you both are enabling her to be irresponsible. Give her 30 days in writing to move. Be prepared for a big scene but it is better for everyone. She has to grow up and be a responsible parent. If she is still there after 30 days, pack up her belongings and change the locks. Tough love may be necessary. And if your husband refuses to tell her, you need to get out of an impossible situation. He has to make a choice.

Answer 7

It sounds as if the problems in your relationship are at least partially, if not totally, the result of his daughter. He wants to be a loving parent, and perhaps feels a bit guilty for not having been more of one to her in the past. Thus he's over compensating, in hopes of now being considered a good parent.

She has gotten into the situation she is in life, because of the way she is. It's one thing to help someone that temporarily needs your help to get out of a bad situation, but it's quite another thing to reinforce the habits that got them into that bad situation in the first place, and that is what your husband is doing.

He thinks he is helping, and will be loved more because of it, but in truth he is not gaining any love or respect for it. For she simply expects him to act that way, as she has expected others to so act throughout her life. If he truly wishes to earn her love, he needs to teach her to stand on her own two feet, and take responsibility for her own life. She might hate him for it at first, because she will be afraid of not having anyone there to do those things for her anymore, but in the long run she will learn to love him all the more, because her life will be made better by it.

If he is not willing to consider this; he needs a wake up call. I would immediately file for a divorce, without discussing it with him, or letting him know that you are going to do so, and go for everything you can get. In the time it takes for the divorce to become effective, he'll have plenty of time to figure out what's more important to "him" in life. If he changes, you need not go through with the divorce, but if he doesn't change, then you will be well on your way to ending an othewise dead relationship. For do you really want to remain in such a relationship as it now is for the rest of your life?

Answer 8

Wow!! She's got a lot of nerve living there with two kids and not paying anything. I am sorry I know that's your husband's daughter but you have a right to your car and for her to pay for the damages she caused to it. I know that it's going to bring a wedge between you and your husband but you have to speak up and let him know that it's not OK for her to keep living there and not paying you guys anything and expect you to buy stuff for "her" kids not yours. By the way, how long have you had a relationship with her??? How long have you and your husband been married? Anyways I think that you should talk to your husband and stand your ground,she's a grown woman and she needs to start acting like one.

Answer 9

You and your husband need to talk about this! Tell him "what" you're going to say to his daughter, then tell her this. We didn't mind helping you out till you got on your feet. However, you've not only managed to ruin my car, you are not paying for the damages with any of the money you earn from your job. Then tell her because you know she needs her own place, and will be saving money to get it, you will pay for half of the damages she inflicted on the car. Then tell her she needs to contribute to the needs of "her" children also. Then tell her that her immature behavior is putting a strain on your bank account "and" your marriage, and she's got to grow up starting today! If she doesn't "like" this news? Tell her she needs to make other living arrangment's right away.Some times we "have" to give our grown children no choice but to grow up or get out. I had to do this, and my 31 year old daughter now thanks me, and says it was the best thing I could have done to her. This is "your" home, "your" house, and "your" car, and she's effecting "your" life with her immaturity. Go for it, or it's going to get worse, okay? Tell your husband he needs to back you on this situation "NOW!" It is upsetting you and making it to where you don't like his daughter, so "TELL"
him. Good luck & God bless

Answer 10

shouldn't dad be takin' care of this?

If it was my daughter I would be helping her. Since it is not then dad needs to step up because his daughter needs him.

Dad don't let your wife take care of a grown child that is not hers. especially if the child is 24 years old. Dad get your daughter a car, and pay for the costs of the Impala so your wife can do the thing she needs to do for you. Oh and step-mom, as a Step-grandma you only need to spoil the grandchildren so they'll like you better. Unless of course you don't like children if that's the case then yep you should move.

Answer 11

I'd give him an ultimatum. I understand that this is his daughter and she's having a rough time. But she's also an adult with children and needs to do her share. She needs to contribute to household expenses while living there and needs to discipline her children. She needs to clean up after herself and her children. And, she should not be buying toys/electronics for herself when she can't afford necessities for her children. Not to mention that she should be paying for the repair to your car!!! I would definitely sit your husband down for a talk and tell him things need to change. If you're really ready to walk out, give him the ultimatum, but don't do it if you aren't willing to go through with it.