We've been married for 15 yrs. and have 2 wonderful boys.
2006-10-01 05:17:47 · 35 answers · asked by Sad Girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We've been married for 15 yrs. have 2 wonderful boys. And this is not the 1st time, it's his third. I just caught him with this one. The past i have no idea.
2006-10-01 13:51:22 · update #1
absolutely not
kick his butt to the curb
it would have been one thing to forgive if he did it once.... but for a whole year???? How many times in 365 days was he not there for you ? Taking his love somewhere else....
You know as well as he does that he will do it again... as soon as you let your guard down..he will again slip away.
How do you know it is over with this other woman? Just cause he said so?
Remember he is a liar and a cheater..... get rid of him
2006-10-01 05:23:20 · answer #1 · answered by Blondie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been on both ends of this one--the cheater and the cheated-on. First, from the cheater's perspective: there's every likelihood that he still loves you, even though he cheated on you. The idea that a man won't cheat on somebody he loves is a fairy tale. That's the good news. The bad news is that there's a pretty good possibility that, now that he's done it the first time, it's going to be much easier for him to do it again.
Now from the cheated-on perspective: It hurts an awful lot, but it will get better. It won't ever go away, though. It will always be there between you.
And an insight from combined perspectives: the affair is a lot bigger deal to you than it was to him. All of the images in your mind of him with another woman are, ironically, vividly clear to you, while he probably doesn't much remember three-quarters of what actually happened. It's weird how that works.
If you decide to stay (and if you really do LIKE the guy, if he's your friend as well as your husband, please consider it), you simply must seek professional counselling. I know it sounds cliche, but it will be so helpful for the two of you to work through these feelings with an impartial third party.
Good luck, and God bless
2006-10-01 05:35:11 · answer #2 · answered by Patrick C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's horrible to find out someone's cheated on you. If this is the first time he been unfaithful (ie, after 14 years of marriage, at the time) then it could be he was tempted into something exciting and 'forbidden'. Not saying it's your fault, just that after 14 years I imagine the sparkle can go out of things - relationships are damned hard work all the time and don't get easier the longer they last unfortunately! So, I would say, if the affair's over and you both feel able to work it out, then you need to give him another chance. Not for the sake of the kids - it must be for yourselves or you will never resolve things. I am not condoning him being unfaithful, but we all make mistakes and if he's generally a good man he deserves another chance. If he does it again, then I would show him the door, though.
2006-10-01 05:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by Just_wondering 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgive him "easily"...never! Forgive but never forget!
But everyone is bound to make a mistake, big or small even in a marriage, it bound to happen. ( in a way or another, big or small )
Is the "cheating" serious and in depth and can he severe it completely and no "left overs".
Most importantly has his heart changed and of the marriageand family? If it is... might as well break it and start afresh.
If not and he has realised his mistakes or whatever caused him to do so...try to correct them for a better relationship. It may not be due entirely his mistake to be in such a state but the relationship has a part to play?
Try to save the marriage if possible and remember, its the kids that suffer most and never the adults. Be fair to them and yourself?
Everyone makes a mistake and if willing to correct, not to repeat it and knowing the mistake done is good enough for a forgiveness.
The emotional scar will always be there and takes a long time to forget but do your best to mend it and if it reaaly dont work, there wont be any regrets.
2006-10-01 13:42:03 · answer #4 · answered by superyoyogirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say that you teach people how to treat you...if you forgive and forget too easily he may continue to cheat because there was no repurcussions for his actions. Get counseling at least. I'm not saying to hold it over his head forever, but I think he needs to acknowledge the pain he's caused you and your family by what he did. I firmly believe in forgiveness but I think counseling would really help both of you and get to the core of why he cheated in the first place.Your family and your relationship can come through this stronger than ever if handled the right way. If he won't go to counseling...go yourself. You need to be able to express your anger, hurt and fear to someone other than family or friends. They will hold it against him and could destroy some relationships that are important to both of you. I hope you 2 can work this out. If he really wants to keep his family together and is truly sorry for what he's done he'll be willing to go to counseling with you. It really does help!!!
2006-10-01 05:30:17 · answer #5 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am assuming you are in the US and that he has a good job. Here's what to do.
1. Get an accurate idea of his total worth. Bank account numbers etc., see if you can lay your hands on the title to the house, car etc..
2. Put the house on the market without telling him - right down to getting a sign on the front lawn.
3. Speak to your lawyer and have a separation agreement drawn up, providing for yourself and the kids.
When he comes home and sees his house for sale things will get 'exciting'. If he ever found that your marriage did not have excitement, then now he has excitement. A crap load of it.
Explain to him that he has betrayed you and as his penance you want half of everything sold and credited to your account. You can of course use this for the kids or yourself (or a holiday) or just to punish him, but either way - give him the choice of giving you half of everything, or a separation.
If he chooses half of everything, he knows how much it costs to screw another woman. If he decides to again, he knows what to expect. He will think twice about it.
If he chooses separation - guess what - you get half anyway.
If he loves you he will start selling and paying. If he chooses that path then you can decide to go easy on him as he starts to look trully repentant, or not as you wish.
2006-10-01 06:36:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you starve your husband of sex for more than a year?…
Were you always cruel and cold toward him?…
Did you give him reasons to cheat on you?
If the answer to the above questions is ‘no’ then ‘no’ you shouldn’t forgive him so easily, if at all !!!
Had you not found out he had been cheating on you, he would have had no hesitation in continuing to do so.
He has proven to you that he can’t be trusted… So don’t trust him !!!
2006-10-01 05:24:02 · answer #7 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might forgive, but you will never forget. Cheating hurts, not only now, but for years to come. If your marriage is worth saving, then do everything in your power to do it. The boys need their Dad, but don't stay in it just for their sakes. Ask yourself this question: Am I better off with him, or without him? When you get your answer, act accordingly! Good Luck!!
2006-10-01 05:22:34 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, forgive, but don't forget...you've been made a fool of and don't let him back until you have been through some Christian counseling, yes both of you...you now will experience trust issues, and problems with forgiveness....He already has a number of issues. YOU humans if you would only put God in the center of your marriages there would not be such pain maintaining one!
2006-10-01 07:20:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only u can say whether u can find it in ur heart to truly forgive him. I know of a wife whose hubby left her and her 2 kids for another woman. When he came back to them, she did not ask any questions. For her, her husband's coming back to their family was enough. She didn't need to know any details. She truly has a big heart to have forgiven him. The woman never brought up the topic. Nope not once. And the husband has ever since been faithful and dedicated to his family.
2006-10-01 05:32:00 · answer #10 · answered by Milie88 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋