my husband & I are in the process of separating,no courts are involved what are my rights? SERIOUS RESPONSES?

Question

we have 3 children own our home. We do not want to go thru the courts less traumatic on children. He only wants to pay mortgage, nothing else including child care for after school. He makes a lot more money than I do. Serious responses ONLY PLEASE

Answer 1

Whether or not, divorce will be the final answer here, this is what will probably happen in divorce court. It will eventually end up here no matter what. Unless there is documented proof of child or drug/mental abuse charges against you, you will be awarded child custody, support, the house and probably spousal support. The courts stay out of seperation issues until divorce is filed so during the seperation youll have to go it alone, so divorce, whether an option right now or not would be your best bet for survival where getting back together would definitely be in his best interest. Also if a divorce is inevitable,try to work out all details with an attorney or paralegal before going to court as its cheaper and has less impact on the kids, Good luck

Answer 2

Unfortunately, I work for a big company, for a long time. Over the years, I have listened to people getting, and have gotten divorces. So I have a basic knowledge of your rights, his rights. Hope this helps;

1. You are entitled to 50% of everything.
2. If he gives you the house, you BETTER get in writing the fact that he will pay the mortgage. Many times the spouse will make a few payments, then disappear. If you cannot afford the mortgage payments yourself, then you need something in writing. Seriously! Even consider refinancing at a lower monthly payment, if the bank will allow this.

If your loan is NOT with a bank, switch to a bank. Private lenders are like the mafia.

The children; sorry dad, but you will be 50% responsible for the children. The laws will not let you get away with that one! You WILL have to help pay for medical, clothing, educationl, etc. Including money for groceries, etc.

PS, you can go thru this with two lawyers, his and yours and NO COURT TIME. So the kids will not suffer.

Good luck! Divorce is a NO-WIN for everyone.

Answer 3

It will be a lot more traumatic on the children if something in your agreement starts to fail a few years down the road when they have come to deal with the way things are. My parents divorced over 12 years after they separated in order to "make things easier on the kids" and I can tell you that they should have dealt with the financial issues LONG before they did. It only caused fighting and manipulation along the way with the children in the middle. Do your children a huge favor and seek legal counsel and draw up a separation agreement. You don't need to go to court, just have a lawyer draw up the agreement.

Answer 4

i think that's fair since the mortgage is the most important thing for you and your children why should he need to pay for everything just because he do not tend on being with you half of most people income go to rent or mortgages so be happy . If you go to the courts you may or may not receive more but is it Worth taking the father of your kids to court and basically sueing him what will that do to every ones relationship if you want more ask him no the courts.

Answer 5

He may be taking advantage of the fact that you dont want to go through the courts. He needs to pay child support as well, at least. You dont say if you have discussed this with him. If you havent, then do it. Remind him that he makes considerably more money than you and you need more help. If he argues, then you may have no choice than to get a lawyer. Thing of it is, if you dont, he may change his mind some time soon regarding even the mortgage.

Answer 6

Your state may even have free lawyer referrals and assistance depending on your situation, LARK it is sometimes called I think. OR Free Legal Assistance ( check in your yellow pages).
Absolutely have a lawyer! I tried to play the nice role and only asked my ex for 100 dollars a MONTH! And he still wont pay on time! He helped MAKE the family, he can help PAY for it! There are so many damn loopholes in the judicial system when it comes to support, dont make the same mistake I did, know YOUR rights, and dont back down, its not being mean- its being and STAYING FAIR! To the kids too. No point in their lifestyle changing because the two of you couldnt work it out.

Answer 7

You may do better if you go through, the court. It is going to be just the about the same, as far as the kids is concerned. Kids are smarter then you think, they know more then you think they know. I know of cases where the husband was suppose to be paying the mortgage, and stopped, this stuff happens, you need to be protected, you need to speak to a lawyer, to find out what rights, you have, and what you are entitled to.

Answer 8

You should consider this carefully at this point. If you sign an arrangement now then you may not have a leg to stand on if later down the road you realize you are not getting by on the amount6 of money he is providing. Although you do not want to go through the courts at least seek proper legal independent advice.

Answer 9

The children will never even have to know you went to court if you go about this amicably. If you and he can agree to the terms of a separation/divorce you can write up the contract document and file for divorce yourselves -- no attorneys, no nastiness necessary. Just make sure your interests are protected and those of the children, of course. If I were you I would consult with an attorney and have one lined up to give advice BEFORE you sign any documents, but it is NOT necessary to have one to do a divorce.

Answer 10

If you do not have legal separation papers stating what you want...you have the same rights as if you were together..because you are still legally married,you share the money and property and the parental rights.He should have to help pay for everything.