My bf and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. We have a 9 month old baby together. and we live together as well. The problem is that I want to get married. Everytime I say something about it he tells me something different. He got this ring that used to be his mother he is supposed to take it to resize and is been 4 months and been sitting under the cabinet ever since. The only reason he got the ring in the first place is because I was upset that he was not even considering the fact that I want to get married. Next year we plan to have another baby but I dont want to unless we are married. He told me that he wants finacial freedom before we get married but lets get real. Financial freedom like everyone else we will be about 60 years old or unless we hit the lotto. Im tired of hearing excuses. This is something very big for me my family specially my dad thats really sick and even his. My plan was to get married before the house and before the baby but he didnt agree. what do I do?
2006-10-01 02:15:59 · 12 answers · asked by JUST ME 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He wants the benefits of monogamy but not the responsibilities. Sit down with him and have a serious talk. If he doesn't come around, consider living with your family for a while. Having another baby will not solve your problem.
We were not married for two years, but I gave her an engagement ring after we were together 6 months. I promised her I would, and I did, marry her. We had a son out of wed lock. But I have also been taking care of everything financially. I am supporting her while she goes through college.
If this boy is not ready to be a man, then what good is he doing you? If he is great in bed, don't worry, you can find another. But if he is not willing to take on responsibility, then he needs to go back to his mommy, not use your.
2006-10-01 02:30:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Should of thought about all this prior to baby number 1 .. why buy the cow if the milks for free??? same same.. he wants another child yet he wants financial freedom? lol ummmm hello.. children cost money they dont give u money lol..
Hun he doesnt want to get married, he wants to play house and thats it.. if u want this man to even really consider marrying u, u need to step back and go back to square one and that means moving into ur own place or back home, maybe if he see's he's about to lose u, maybe he'll actually step up to the plate.. but i doubt it.. because even if u did, and he put the ring on ur finger, he'd probably draw out a long engagement.. sorry but this is what happens when baby comes first and ur with an immature man..
2006-10-01 02:23:27 · answer #2 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it was really about having financial freedom, there wouldn't be any children. That's one of the biggest drains on finances. If you haven't figured it out in 4 1/2 years, then I'll tell you, he doesn't want to marry you. You can whine and complain until you wear him down I suppose, but why would you want to force a man to marry you? That would only cause resentment and eventually divorce anyway.
I'm sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear.
2006-10-01 02:22:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Odd that he would want 'financial freedom' before he gets married, yet he doesn't think twice about having kids. Sorry, but marriage doesn't cost more money than what you're doing now...kids do....and will for the next 18+ years. He probably figures, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free......
What to do? Well, you can either accept the fact that you probably won't ever get married, or you can leave him and look for someone that will ....you can't make someone marry you........good luck.
2006-10-01 02:57:23 · answer #4 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation once. I pushed to get married, we had already had my daughter and it bothered me a great deal. Well, our marriage only lasted 7 months, we've been divorced for 5 years now. My point is this: there is only one reason in the world to get married, bc you want to spend the rest of your life with that person, not because of children, the house, your families feelings towards it. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like he's stalling and does not want to marry you. You need to talk with him about his feelings towards you and this relationship and stop fixating on the formality of 'marriage'. Whatever you do, do not give that man an ultimatum, your marriage would surely end badly. Find out what he truly wants and sees in your future. If you two are not on the same page, better to find out now. I wish you luck and I know how you feel.
2006-10-01 02:27:47 · answer #5 · answered by lucydesi1940 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he obviously knows how you feel about it, but really doesn't seem to care what your values, morals, or concerns are about the matter! My X-husband waited 3 mos. AFTER our daughter was born (we'd been together for almost 2 yrs.!) to even ask me to marry him, and then......our daughter was FOUR when we finally married!! And the only reason we did is becuz I told him that we were going to go get a marriage license. He asked how long are they good for, and in Idaho they are good forever, but I told him his expired on Jan. 14th! Then I told him that if he wasn't around on that day, I was going to marry someone on that day - total stranger, friend, homeless person.....he got the hint that I was tired of waiting!! And darlin', I would NOT be planning another child with him when you feel so strongly about getting married before that happens!! You need to put your foot down, and when you do it will tell you a lot about what kind of person he really is.
2006-10-01 02:24:44 · answer #6 · answered by yokrem 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, this story is all too common.
I think (and I am an old fogey), that he enjoys the sex and privileges but he really doesnt want to be confined in a relationship.
Why marry, when he can get everything he wants without it.
And maybe you are the luckier for it. A person like this is pretty
selfcentered and you dont want to force a marriage onto a person
who will not cherish it, you, and your child.
Pick up your vanity, pack up your clothes, place your knees firmly together, and get the heck out of there.
2006-10-01 02:22:06 · answer #7 · answered by hls 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First calmly tell him what and why you feel the way that you do. Second you do NOT have to wait till sixty to be financially secure. Also point out that there is more power in two people working for a common goal. Look you have your own goals and dreams and I know that you want to share them with him but you gotta do what is best for YOU>
2006-10-01 02:23:11 · answer #8 · answered by SUPERSTAR X 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok in line with probability your relationship went too speedy on the start, in line with probability he purely want's to have somewhat respiration room. and carry out together with his acquaintances and carry out a little guy stuff, im specific theres not something to fret approximately however. purely supply him an afternoon or 2 and additionally you would be back to the place you have been. do not make him the middle of your like its in basic terms been a month. attempt to enable it flow sluggish, in case you do the relationship will grom better for specific. i'm hoping this helped =)
2016-12-15 17:44:34 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough situation,he wants financial freedom,he should have waited to have a baby,now it is going to be harder to gain that financial freedom with a child much less 2 I would not have another child with him until you are married.but everyone is different.
2006-10-01 02:22:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋