i have been in a lesbian relationship for 7 years, i adore the ground my partner walks on, but over the last two years i have been dishonest where money is concerned taking out a bank loan, credit card and running up the overdraft, rather than telling her i have lied, there is no excuse just that i didnt want her life to change in any way but now it has all come to a head and i am frightened i will loose everything, we have had numerous problems with the six children between us, with not being paid money from work owing us which has caused us money problems and then i have added to them, all because i dont want to loose her. i cant tell her things as she is so strong and her values are right but i try to acccept them but cant always, should i pack it all in and call it a day
2006-10-01 02:12:32 · 13 answers · asked by rachael b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Honesty is the bedrock of all solid relationships. If you share responsibility for these bills you've run up, she deserves to know how truly bad it is, especially if it affects the children.
2006-10-01 02:17:40 · answer #1 · answered by David B 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
right, you clearly can't continue on the path you are on. you have three main options:
1. continue lying and carry on the same (clearly not a good idea and ultimately self destructive)
2. continue lying, but try to get control of your spending, consolidate and sort out your depts (better, but still dishonest)
3. call it a day right now without trying to sort anything out (also a terrible idea, because it sounds like it would be a terrible waste of what sounds like a generally good and rewarding relationship)
4. pack off the kids for the day and take your partner out for a coffee. tell her that you have a problem which you've been hiding from her because you didn't want to upset her, and you feel quite embarrassed and ashamed about it. tell her everything you've said above, and anything else that you've been keeping from her. tell her how much you love her and can't bear to burden her with this, but its been eating you up inside to the point that you've felt like just running away. If she really is as strong as you say then she can handle the truth, and if she's a really decent person she will find it in her heart to forgive you, and between you you can sort these problems out. If not, then at least you know, and you can move on. I think it will be okay though. you need to be strong and completely open with her, for both your sakes. you cannot carry on living a lie. This is the best thing you can do for her and for yourself. If you do pull through this together, and I think you will, then your relationship will be stronger for it. remember, no relationship is perfect, but you owe it to her and to yourself to make the best of it.
2006-10-01 02:33:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to be honest. Talk to her, tell her the financial mess you are in. Lying was bad enough, but running away from it too? If this is any sort of relationship you will be able to fix this, there are numerous debt management advisors who can help you both sort this out. My concern is that you would toss away a relationship rather than admit you made a mistake - hardly fair on your partner, and it wont change the fact you are in debt so you will have lost a hell of a lot more if you did that. Be brave, talk to her, she might surprise you!
2006-10-01 05:11:45 · answer #3 · answered by Lynn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As in many different relationships, honesty is always the best policy. You can tell yourself you lied to protect your partner but in the end you did it out of selfish reasons, to protect the status quo because you were scared of her reactions. What's her reaction going to be now that matters are ten times worse?
Please talk to her. Explain why you did the things you did (in my book, what you've done is not so bad - you could have had an affair which I consider unforgivable). Make her know that you worship the ground she walks on and what you did was with the very best of intentions. But you need honesty, from this moment on and forever if you are to work things out together. Don't just up and leave - that's the coward's way out. If she loves you as much as you seem to love her, you can work things out together. Good luck.
2006-10-01 02:21:12 · answer #4 · answered by Roxy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Never walk away from a relationship through fear. You're wondering whether to end it because you're scared she might.. what... end it? That's daft talk.
To leave now would hurt her much more than anything you can tell her because you're giving up on the relationship without even trying and she might wonder if it ever meant much to you.
Be honest. You need to sit down and talk and talk and talk and.... Perhaps you could find out just how bad the situation is first, speak to a debt counsellor or financial advisor. You can then tell your partner what you've found out and how together you can get back on track - and she will know that yes, you cocked up, but now you're anxious to do anything you can to make it right.
good luck.
2006-10-02 03:19:24 · answer #5 · answered by tabasc_oh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been with her 7 years, you should be able to have this conversation with her and trust that you can work it out. Of course she'll be upset, but to leave without talking to her about it would really hurt her much more. Together you can find a way out of the mess you're in, it may be a slow step by step process and compromises may have to be made, but it's not impossible. You can get extra help for expenses by contacting your township trustee and the local child welfare department and a legitimate credit counseling service.
2006-10-01 02:19:18 · answer #6 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You love her values, you have been through a lot together.
You have a lot of experience through mistakes.
The ying and yang of relationships isn't logical or easy to fathom she probably knows what you're like and accepts you as you are, and loves things about you that you bring to the table that just make her life worthwhile.
You may forget these over a long period of time, might be time to reawaken them.
You aspire to her values.
If she can forgive you, she probably will stay and work it out.
It sounds as if you're in the perfect place, make it work.
2006-10-01 02:32:17 · answer #7 · answered by lifeontrack2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are feeling low, and unworthy of love.
You deserve to be loved. Don't forget that.
And just as you deserve to be loved, your partner deserves to be told the truth. I think there may be some difficult times ahead, but if the relationship is worth it, all will be well in the end.
Be courageous, and do the right thing. Good luck.
2006-10-01 02:22:23 · answer #8 · answered by Rich N 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this kind of thing has happened to a couple of my friends. in one instance, her partner ran up a bunch of debt on a shared credit card. be honest and tell your partner and start paying the debt off. its all you can do. better you tell her than she find out anyway...
2006-10-01 02:25:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u have to tell her,dont keep this from her,if she loves u she will stand by u what ever u have done, its time to own up. honesty is the best policy
2006-10-01 03:39:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋