My son has started asking questions. Do i tell the truth that he left us and wasnt good person or do I make him seem like an angel? What if he wants later to meet him?
2006-10-01 01:55:14 · 17 answers · asked by Evana 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My son is three years old and his father lives overseas -dont know were-, im raising my son by myself and i myself grew without a father and brakes my heart to know my kid will go through the same.
His father prefered his freedom and a very bad life, drugs etc.
I've been on my own since after giving birth.
So please no cruel comments
2006-10-01 02:22:47 · update #1
Learn from my mistakes.. similar situation to u, i made excuses and made my sons dad look like a good father in hopes my x husband would change and grow up one day.. unfortunately 10 years later since our divorce and my son is still begging for his dad, my x husband has only seen him 2 times in the last 6 years, and calls him maybe once ever 5 months if that.. and yet my son keeps getting kicked in the face every time his father decides to be a dad, then decides again he doesnt.. its like my son having to relive his father leaving over and over and over..
If ur son is old enough to ask questions he's old enough to know the truth.. dont slam his dad.. just tell the truth, basic information.. and be done with it.. if he wants to meet him let him know its not up to you, let him know that u cant force dad to be a dad, and you will just have to see if dad wants to some day and handle it then.. because its true u cant force him, he'd want to do it himself.. and only forcing the issue for ur son, only makes matters worse for him in the end i wish with all my heart i would of just let my x husband fade away like he tried to do.. that way my son could of gotten hurt, but gotten over it.. instead of this constant one moment his dad wants to be apart of his life then the next he rips his sons heart out .. over and over..
Just be blunt, truthful, but dont go into details.. he doesnt need that, just let him know that dad wasnt a "real" man and some men just arent capable of being dads, let him know that he left to go be on his own...and just keep telling ur son how much u love him, and how much u'll always be there for him, and how everything will be ok.. no matter what happens with his dad..
2006-10-01 02:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult suituation. He is a small boy, if you are going to say that his real father was a bad person, he will develop envy when he see a good father - son relationship, it may make him a sick man when he grow old. Instead, if you convince him saying that his father has gone on some GREAT task, and you can not contact him until he comes back., he may feel great for being a son of great father.
But when he grows old, he himself will see the world and will accept the real fact. It may be little upset for him but he will have age and experience to understand.
So don't tell him now, but give him enough love and affection.
2006-10-01 02:06:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on your son's age, be as truthful as you can be without white-washing the reason he is not with the family. Don't run down the man to the son, even if he is the worst person in the world. This is because you want to give your son the time to make his own decisions about the man. I know you want to protect your son, but he will eventually find out the real truth. And when he is an adult he Will want to meet him and it is his right, even if dad is on death row.
2006-10-01 02:01:13 · answer #3 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you say him that his father is an angel, he would like to meet that angel ...Then he will ask you to bring that angel home, Would you?
In any situation telling a truth to children will be safe . Why you have to lie about him to your son? If he is not a good person the child has to know that. Or if you left him for your own desires you should tell that too. Don't make a cinema scene to your child. Tell the truth.
2006-10-01 01:57:18 · answer #4 · answered by mswathi1025 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First how old is your son?
Second if he does just happen to show up one day ( the father) your son could be very angry with you for keeping anything a secret. Go with the truth, just dont bash his dad. Your son will find out one day for hiself. Just support him when he does and give him the information he needs to cope with it. Also explain that this does not make him a bad person or reflect on him at all. In the long run he will be a better person for it. He could learn from this and make a great dad himself one day.
2006-10-01 01:59:43 · answer #5 · answered by lorrieface 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him a few things about his father, some of the better points. Do not trash him to your son, but explain that sometimes adults don't agree on things and it is better for them to live apart. You can explain that he made some choices you did not agree with and still don't. As he gets older, he will need more sophisticated information, of course. Make it age appropriate and never never trash his father in a way that will damage the child and his developing sense of identity.
He will be able to meet him when he is emancipated or an adult, depending on the court agreement re: visitation, child support.
2006-10-01 02:07:37 · answer #6 · answered by finaldx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be honest with him, of course I would not say he was not a good person. I would say that your father left us, and it had nothing to do with you, not because of you. So I have more then enough love for all of you. So it is just you and I baby! and we are going to make it, right! If later on he wants to meet him, I would first have to contact the father, to see of he wants to see his son, because if he does not want to see him, then I would tell him, I do not think it is a good idea. and leave it at that.
2006-10-01 02:06:00 · answer #7 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Iv'e been there and I would strongly urge you to tell your son the truth. He will most certainly want to meet his father one day and you won't be able to prevent it. He may as well know the truth from the beginning and not see you as a liar.
2006-10-01 02:10:55 · answer #8 · answered by Nana Susie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would just tell him that you and his dad seen life two different ways so it was beater for you both to just part and if he wont's to meet his dad and his dad is willing to see him let your son grow up and make his own decision on how he feels about his dad but if he does get hurt be their to catch him but be careful not to criticize because all he will need is to know you are there and if he wont's to talk then you answer the best you can good luck.
2006-10-01 14:02:53 · answer #9 · answered by kristy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say exactly this "Your Father did not want you or me, son. We drove him away, but more specifically you drove him away, and I am just now beginning to be able to forgive you" then throw the tequila bottle you are holding against the wall, tell him to slack off and pass out
2006-10-01 02:02:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋