Do You Like My Poem?

Question

Remember

Life goes by so unbelievably fast,
I am not sure what to savor and what to let fly by.
We all change so much,
I feel as if I don’t know those I love with all my heart.

Life speeds far too fast,
I blink and it is moving already.
Time is unforgiving,
All of us are separated by it’s passing.

We all turn over yearbooks,
And remember as if it were yesterday.
And laugh and cry at the haunting memories,
That we hold on to get through life.

We say, “remember when…”,
And crack up while wishing we were there again.
We think back and wonder how it all fell away so quickly,
How we didn’t see the unknown future looming ahead.

We remember how life was and never will be again,
Because life, by nature, is too quick for it’s own good.
We read those messages as if from another time,
As though the sacred writings weren’t written for us.

So we remember and cherish,
But wish it were still here.
More then a memory,
Or a signature in a yearbook.

We try so hard to cling to the past,
When really all we have is the present and the future.
As we remember, we remark at the unfairness,
Of life, of time, not enough of it.

The memories haunt us,
We want so badly for it to stay as it is, as it was.
But that can’t happen,
So we remember, with sorrow, joy, and each other

Answer 1

Lovely.

Answer 2

No. It's full of cliches and meaningless lines. Too long, and it doesn't say anything new or revealing about the subject or the author. It has a high school or greeting card feel about it.

Start over again. Pick one line that best represents what you are trying to express, and try to fill in the rest with original thoughts. Stay away from "we" and focus on you, instead. "We" is too broad, and reads too passively.

For example, your line "As we remember, we remark at the unfairness, Of life, of time, not enough of it" would read much better in first-person, and with some passion thrown behind it, e.g.,

I recount the days, fueled by unfairness,
of a life half-lived, and whole days stolen by bitter moments....

I am not trying to rewrite your poem, but only to illustrate that words are more powerful when they are personal and not swallowed by the huge "we" you are trying to superimpose on them.

Answer 3

well, let's think on what poetry is. it's not just writing in short lines in columns. Poetry is the some higher substance where ordinary words, combined together, create extraordinary ideas and feelings.
I haven't found this in your poem, sorry. The idea you wanted to share is good. But why explain it so long?
I've read it several times - and it sounds too propagandistic.
Good poetry is for readers of any level: the reader himself chooses what he wants to understand.
However, in my opinion, the second and the third verses are good.
I would advise you to read Japanese poets - not to imitate them, but to open new facets of poetry.

Answer 4

Yes it is beautifully written. You should try and be a famous poet.

Answer 5

Liked it so much I copy and pasted it.
Im going to send it to everyone I know. Then they'll tell two people and they'll tell two people.
You soon will be famous.

Answer 6

thats very lovely. i love poetry and that is definately comparable with the great poets out there. two thumbs up :)

Answer 7

It's alright.

Answer 8

nice keep up the good work

Answer 9

yes love it

Answer 10

It is excellent! You really have talent.