My boyfriend and I are unmarried, having a child, and both want to give it our last name. We've "agreed" to hyphenate it, but both out names are really hard to say AND spell, so I'm having second thoughts. His is french and mine is polish. We don't know if it's a boy or girl yet, but this is how I feel about it:
His last name is difficult, but it's very common, french canadian, and we live right near the canadian border. Open the phonebook and there's a million of them. My family, on the other hand, emmigrated here a few generations ago, and my generation is all women.
if we have a daughter, I don't care if she has my last name or not, because chances are good it will never get passed on. If we have a son, I really want him to have my family's last name becuase otherwise I'm afraid it's going to die out in this country, and I love and am proud of my family. But if our son has my last name, then his children probably will too, and our heritage will be carried on.
2006-10-01 01:16:50 · 17 answers · asked by Emily O 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
What are your opinions? I really want to avoid the hyphenating, if possible, but I don't want to make waves with my boyfriend. In the end, though, isn't it my decsision? What would you do?
2006-10-01 01:18:06 · update #1
in the end, it is really not your decision...he has the legal right, I'm fairly sure, to give the child his name, as do you, hence the hyphen. your child when older can legally change his name to almost whatever he or she wants. It is entirely likely that your boyfriend feels just as strongly as you do about his child carrying his name, regardless of how "common" it seems to you.
you could consider using your surname as the middle name of your child.
As a daughter yourself, I find your attitude about not caring about your daughter having your name a bit inexplicable.
2006-10-01 01:28:49 · answer #1 · answered by cryllie 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough situation.... but in the end one still has their heritage, and your lucky baby will have some of yours and some of his/ her father's, no matter what his name is.
My daughter has my last name, and I have my mother's. I think it would be neat if it became a new tradition, if she has children maybe she'll want to keep passing on the maternal last name.
I don't know if the two of you are planning to get married or not... but i think that would make a difference.
I've also heard, that instead of hyphenating some couples meld there names instead, but i think that's kind of odd.
I'd personally go with whatever sounds the best. And one way or the other I'd include both names on the baby's birth certificate so that if later in life HE or SHE prefers one option over the others he can easily choose to use what works for him.
Good luck!
2006-10-01 01:27:32 · answer #2 · answered by leavemealonestalker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I think your boyfriend is correct! I understand what you are saying about your family name dying out, but your child has a right to a family tree that is correct! It is fairly common though, for a child to have mother's maiden name, as a middle name. Otherwise, compromising with the hyphenation, putting the father's last name last, would be a good idea too! Good luck on having a healthy baby!
2006-10-01 01:31:16 · answer #3 · answered by rebecca_sld 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok - you may not like my answer, but....
If you and your boyfriend are not married. I think the child (male or female) should assume the mother's last name.
If, at some point, you get married, you may want to consider changing to the father's last name (if the child is not already well established in systems) or hyphenate, leaving your name first.
Good luck
2006-10-01 01:23:12 · answer #4 · answered by Clarkie 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, when I had my children (I'm unmarried) I gave them my surname. The father's name is on the birth certificate, but I felt it was easier having the same name especially when it came to schools and doctors etc.
I'm no longer with they're fathers so it would now have been hard all having different surnames.
Wait til the child is born then decided.
2006-10-01 01:43:22 · answer #5 · answered by wendywitch 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could choose one of the last names as a Middle Name. In my family, many generations ago, a surname was about to be extinguished. So, a mother gave her surname to her first born female as a middle name. That tradition has carried on for many years. I was the first female born to my mother, and I was given that special middle name. It felt like such an honor, that I, too, gave this name to my first born daughter.
There's no guarantee that your (or his) name will carry on in this manner, but it's a good way to start a tradition that has significant meaning.
2006-10-01 01:31:14 · answer #6 · answered by kewtiepie313 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I actually had to go through this when I was a baby, because my parents divorced before I was born. I ended up with my father's last name and I think that's the way whoever does the paperwork will see it, for better or worse. Even if you child has his/her dad's last name, that child is still every bit part of your family and when he/she gets older, tell your child about the family history, because it's very important. It's always good to know where you came from.
2006-10-01 01:29:04 · answer #7 · answered by Jeremy L 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think its a good idea to hyphenate the names,
If the baby does not carry its fathers name that leaves the father , with no rights to the baby at all, he is under no abligations of taking care of the baby, or supporting the baby, it will be all in your hand, hyphenate is a good idea,
2006-10-01 01:47:02 · answer #8 · answered by Billie 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In the end, yes it is your decision. However I don't know how "fair" that is that it is always the woman's decision on things like this. IE woman wants to name son tiffany and has the final say; woman want abortion while man wants baby and woman has final say. I think that if you respect your boyfriend and think he will be a good daddy and be around for the baby you need to take him into consideration largely. As it is more traditional for a baby to have his/her daddy's last name. I am also proud of my name and my family and we are a dying name as well- however my kids are their father's and they have their father's name. I'd hyphanate if you can't come to another conclusion- this gives the name a different flair anyhow and the child can call himself/herself by one name and learn to spell one name and as time passes he/she can learn their whole name. For instance Tammy Marie Conner-Watson/ she can just call herself Tammy Conner or Tammy Watson. Just a thought. :) Good luck
2006-10-01 01:24:36 · answer #9 · answered by momofthreemiracles 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think as you are unmarried then give the baby your name. If you do decide to marry then you could use your surname as a middle name and take the fathers surname. I took my husbands name but kept my maiden name as a middle name... if that makes sense!
2006-10-01 01:32:13 · answer #10 · answered by floss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋