Including one where you consulted with a pastor on a personal issue that was deeply torubling and now he took it and used it againsts you???
2006-10-01 00:00:14 · 28 answers · asked by karen i 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PS I have *never* kept anything from my husband. He knows evertthing but I had some troubling thoughts....and knew that those thoughts, if shared would hurt him.
2006-10-01 00:09:43 · update #1
I very strongly disagree with a lot of these answers that say "you shouldn't be keeping secrets" - this isn't about secrets. It's about respect and personal boundaries.
If it happened to me, I would talk to my husband and say that I feel our marriage is based on trust. Trust should come from faith in each other and respect, not from snooping and checking.
Then I would address the issue that he discovered in the message to the pastor. I would explain why I didn't talk it over with him first and at the end of the conversation I ould lay out the conditions under which the topic could (or could not) be discussed further. I would say that being attacked about it only confirmed my decision to keep it secret so let's avoid that approach in the future.
...then I'd change my password - and tell him that I did.
2006-10-01 00:51:12 · answer #1 · answered by Zana 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
First change your password. Second reagardless of weather or not it would have hurt him he is your husband. You should have found a way to talk w/ him about it. Did you even consider that both of you could have discussed the problem with a preacher or some other third party. If you feel that it is nec. to keep problems a secret than what kind of marriage do you have
2006-10-01 08:17:37 · answer #2 · answered by SUPERSTAR X 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all.. my husband has all my passwords to my email accounts he has access to mine as i do to his.. we have no secrets, BUT.. if i needed to talk to my pastor about something so private that i wouldnt want my husband to know about , then i would of either consulted with my pastor in person, over the phone while my husband wasnt around, or i would of made a seperate account that he didnt have access to ..if it was that important.... and your husband should know whats going on with u.. but he SHOULDNT of used it against u..
2006-10-01 09:01:42 · answer #3 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I sympathize with you.One day I found "address book" on the history,so I kinda looked in his email and found he had been emailing a female collegue of his,who I might add is prettier and alot thinner and about 12 years younger then me.He said it was innocent,but I asked him why didn't he just talk to her at work.Further more my feelingwas he had been hiding it from me and when confronted he said,he wasn't hiding anything,just didn't mention it and that is not the same as hiding it.I was very hurt and now I do not trust him and am forever wondering who is emailing.
2006-10-01 07:09:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
firstly don't be so tensed. For a happy and succesful married life it is most imp. not to keep anything secret(even a small thing) between husband -wife as you have done that is deffinetly wrong. I don't think anyone else can understand you better then your husband you must talk to him abt the problem .Be brave you will have to face the situation your husband is your friend.
My friend only husband and wife relationship is a lifetime relationship no one in the world will stay with you and share your problem you must share your each and every problem with your husband he will solve it and he will have to solve it as he has to take care of every thing happening with you. have confidence on yourself and on your husband and move forward and talk to him. you will feel better when you will tell every thing abt you to u'r husband.
2006-10-01 07:25:24 · answer #5 · answered by Rakhi v 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What do you have to hide from the man that you pledged to spend the rest of your life with? If you have to hide things from him, then there's deeper problems with your relationship than him reading your email. Maybe you should talk to your pastor about marriage counseling.
Or if it bothers you that much, divorce him. The world today is very pro-female in the divorce process, you can probably get a good settlement and you'll both be happier being away from the other since you can't even discuss problems with each other.
2006-10-01 07:05:27 · answer #6 · answered by Takfam 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I don't hide anything from my husband, good, bad or indifferent. However if it is an issue change your password or set up another acct through yahoo that only you have access too? Now if he is using it against you the information he found out I would stop him right now
2006-10-01 07:04:58 · answer #7 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
a character in a Stephen King novel says, “Peek not through keyholes, lest ye be vexed.” he peeked, and the consequences are vexing.
When you have a relationship, you really have two things. Love and trust. These you must have completely and totally. Anything less and you don’t have them at all. Anything less than love is like, anything less than trust is suspicion. Both of you violated the trust essential to this relationship. You lied, and he snooped. Look how the future has changed. You can’t say, “I never lied to you.” He can’t say, “Trust me.”
2006-10-01 08:33:21 · answer #8 · answered by Badmaash 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well,that would be really offending and hurting ofcourse but i am the kinda person who would never ever keep the slightest of things away from my husband,i believe in sharing all with him no matter how good or bad it is!!
now since hes read them theres nothing you can do about it,just talk to him and let him know how he has betrayed your trust and that hurt you and laso explain the reason of not telling him that thing!!good luck!!
2006-10-01 08:40:48 · answer #9 · answered by country_girl 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would get a new email address and send it to everyone that is sending you personal emails,and not tell you husband about the new one and let him continue reading the mail that goes to old email of course you would have to still use your old email address so use it for everyday things and use your new address for personal business.
2006-10-01 09:17:47 · answer #10 · answered by leoslady3900 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋