already married.
2006-09-30 23:19:13 · 51 answers · asked by lilleablue 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have already had an affair and wife already knows about it didnt seem that bothered when she came over.
2006-09-30 23:28:13 · update #1
She told me she wasnt surprised as he had done it before they got married and I probably wont be the last.
Additional question
What do I do when the wife wants me to txt her if he contacts me? Do I do it or just keep out of it?
2006-10-01 23:09:38 · update #2
Love is a very powerful term to use especially when you are the third party. In all honesty you should not even off allowed yourself to get into this situation in the first place.
I have some sound advice for you and it may be brutal but hopefully you will get the message.
Men can resist everything except temptation and as for you it's time to grow up and get a man off your own. Marriages are wrecked day in day out via affairs so why be the one to ruin someones happiness through your selfishness.
If this is not the first time you have some connection with a married man then I suggest you seek advice because it appears that you want what you can't have and in the process allowing yourself to be made the fool. If this married man had an ounce off respect for his wife or you he would off told to to get lost. Then again he is a man and knows the right kind off things to say and manipulate you into believing their might be a chance off him leaving his wife.....in the process just hop into bed with him and he will consider it.
Don't let him make a fool off you and hey I don't know if you believe in Karma but what comes around goes around. Maybe one day when your happily married and some little minx is having an affair with your husband you cant really get angry after all she is doing exactly what your doing.
Think about the consequences!!!
2006-10-01 01:10:16 · answer #1 · answered by June 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The worst relationships start from an affair, because both persons will always remember that the other one cheated and is capable of doing it again. Plus, it is not fair to cheat on your spouse because those marriage vows really do mean something. You should always end a relationship first before getting involved in another one or nobody will ever trust you and a lot of people will lose respect for you. If you have children, you are not setting a good example and they will probably do the same thing you are doing when they get married, because they are not being taught to work on their marriage when problems arise. It also devastates children when their parents will not work out their problems and/or divorce. You should try working your marriage problems out and as a very last resort, get a divorce.
2006-09-30 23:48:10 · answer #2 · answered by RKC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even if you could have him, it will not be worth it.
The best bit about a relationship is always the beginning: Being madly in love, great sex, the excitement just before you see each other again, meeting their friends & family, first being nervous, then getting familiar and at ease with each other... Everything is new and fascinating.
If your relationship already starts with problems like this and bad feelings on all sides, then most probably it would end in disaster anyway. I don't think you would be happy, even if you could have him.
Meet up with some girly friends, have a good night out and try to move on!
2006-09-30 23:33:05 · answer #3 · answered by Hipira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let yourself experience the range of emotions of loving that person (the warm part) and of not being able to be with them (the aching part). If you deny either side it will take so much longer to get over. If it's you who is already married, look at your marriage and why you're having these feelings. But if it's the person you're adoring who is married, sorry, but there's not much you can do except try to peel yourself away from them so that the stimulus isn't present anymore. Sorry! I so feel for you!
I know that Simon1840 is kidding in his response, but seriously, if you do have an affair, the scenario he paints isn't far off at all.
2006-09-30 23:22:37 · answer #4 · answered by Iknowsomestuff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Got a bit confused as to who wasn't bothered about who coming over, but, FORGET YOUR AFFAIR. Trust me, an affair with someone already married is a big big BIG disaster area. Everyone loses in the end. You will feel more and more awful, both for what you are doing and for always being in second place, and their relationship will never be the same again when it all comes out (as it ALWAYS ALWAYS does in the end).
And if he's telling you he will be leaving her, don't believe him. And even if he really does in the end, what it means is that YOU broke up a marriage and HE's capable of doing it again, to you!
Besides, would you ever be able to truly trust him?? You have hard core proof that he's capable of lying in a huge way and get away with it. How would you ever be sure he wouldn't one day do the same to you??
Just forget it, you deserve to have a man dedicated totally to you, and not have to share him with anyone. You deserve to be in first place in his heart and in his life and in his priorities. And you deserve to have someone you can totally trust and believe in.
2006-10-01 00:34:55 · answer #5 · answered by Quilps 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how do you KNOW his wife wasn't bothered when she came over? Did she sit down and tell you how she felt? I doubt it, she most probably wasn't prepared to cry in front of you, her friends probably advised her not to. My guess is you've already caused cracks in that marriage because once the trust is broken it's almost impossible to restore it.
I don't agree with anyone who answered this question telling you to fight for him, however you most probably DO deserve each other, and even if he delivered the ultimate hurt to his WIFE and left her for you, do you honestly think you would be the one for the rest of his life? Do you not think once he had left one partner he wouldn't find it easier and easier each time he chose to do it?
You seem to have a choice. You can carry on moping and feeling wronged and sit about, letting him know you're there for him, storing up negativity and cutting yourself off from other potential relationships, hopefully with available men, until you end up alone and bitter. or you can be mature, you can leave him and his wife alone to try and sort out their marriage, and you can get out there and look for someone who can give you what you're looking for. Permanency, 100% of himself.
I'm not sorry for you, my thoughts are with the wife in all of this. And the fact that she cared enough to 'come down and see you' because I've been there. I reasoned and compromised and virtually let them those two selfish people use me like a doormat before I woke up and realised that if it wasn't her it would have been the next woman or the one after.
Was I distraught when the marriage ended? yes, I was. I've never recovered trust in any man enough to becme involved totally.
Am I glad I got my freedom from him? yes, because he's not with her now anyway. He's flitted from one to another and is now more or less a laughing stock amongst those who knew us.
You probably don't love him, you just love the idea of being in love with him. it seems romantic and heart breaking and you probably think at some stage he will charge up to your door on his white stallion to take you away from it all.
real love is when you take cheating men back and try to cement together your broken relationship. That hurts more because intruders have broken what was special.
Just do the right thing for all of you, let go, move on and chalk this down to (bad) experience
2006-10-01 05:12:45 · answer #6 · answered by Eden* 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really not know the answer already? No means no. Maybe what you really want to know is how do you cope with your feelings. Pray, ask God to help you. Then get busy. Don't be ambiguous. Two opposing things going around in your mind (like "I give it up"..."No! I can't") will do nothing but prolong the agony. A neurosurgeon once told me" Ambiguity begets stress". Your mind can only think one thought at a time. So if you sit around doing nothing, guess what you will tend to think about? Put something else into it. Personally I renew my mind with the bible. It is healing. If you don't want to read the Bible, then get another book (NOT a romance novel!) Go out with friends. Volunteer some where. A great way to get over your problems is to help someone else with theirs. Don't be ruled by your feelings. Rule them instead. It may hurt for awhile, but you are not a victim. Take control. Believe it or not, you will be surprised how quickly you will get over this. It is like a mirage. As you go for a thing that is not right as you get it, it turns on you cruelly. Like a test you already know the answers to: it only counts if you mark them down. So don't waste your time asking what to do, you know what to do! ~~Be strong, like broken bones: this will all mend~~ God be with you. I know you will do the right thing.
2006-09-30 23:40:14 · answer #7 · answered by Suzie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Enjoy the pain. Act like the heroine of a bodice ripper romance novel thwarted at every turn for a few weeks.
Then pack up your emotions, climb back into the real world and get on with having a wonderful life.
In two years time , you too can write the all time romance novella!
2006-09-30 23:26:52 · answer #8 · answered by Christine H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure you really love this person or it is the fact that you cant have them that's it making the feelings greater and are your feelings returned. Fantasy is a wonderful experience but if the reality wont match up then it sucks.
Love is a powerful emotion often fuelled by lust and desire - if its no longer in your marriage try to rekindle it you know the feelings are there work at it and distance yourself from this other person.
2006-09-30 23:31:25 · answer #9 · answered by Thisismyview 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave well alone you will ruin three lives instead of just the one that you think is ruined!! If you love him that much be happy for him, take some time out and move on. One day someone will come along who will really rock your world and make this love you feel for the married guy seem insignificant, trust me!!!! Take care of yourself and just spoil yourself a bit !! x
2006-09-30 23:25:06 · answer #10 · answered by Andielep 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋