I have been in a realtionship for 13yrs we have been through so much together. Unfortunately, we have also hurt each other which I know can happen and maybe I should have let him go then but I didn't I forgave him. I always believed we were meant to be toghetetr and we could make it through anything. But now we have a 6yr old which is my adopted niece and a daughter that is about to turn 1. We are struggling financially and I mean we are BROKE!!! He was laid off about 4 mths ago and he has not found a job yet. McDonalds would work for me ok $ is $. I can not afford the whole family on my pay. I have been workin as much as I can but we have no car cause it broke down and I can't afford to get it fixed, our phone is shut off, I can't pay rent and this idiot wrote a check yesterday for beer and cigarettes when we have no $ in the bank. He didn't tell me about it and then lied to me. I only found out because the liquor store called with a question about the check crazy huh.
2006-09-30 22:19:58 · 15 answers · asked by Dawnie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Things like this have been going on for a while he says he didn't tell me cause he wanted to try and have a good night and that he is planning on getting the $ to cover it. I feel like we don't even have food but lets get beer and cigs right am I the stupid one. I just don't know what hes thinking lately. Some people say oh he must be depressed he needs you. Then others say you need to pack up the kids and leave any really show him what life would be like w/out you. I am lost I love him but I am falling out of love with him because of his actions. He lies, he spends $ on stupid crap when we cant afford it and we are about to end up in the street and I do not feel that he is doing everything in his power to help us. How long do I wait I have been telling him for weeks now I have been thinkin of leavin if he doesn't get it together. My father offered to help me and the kids but only if he is not involved. My dad thinks this will help him get it together. Help I need advice!
2006-09-30 22:27:03 · update #1
Four months is a long time. His latest action - of paying a check against a bankrupt account, he knew about it, of course - only reveals his current mindset. He is sliding down a self-defeating slope. Self-deluding and frustrated mentality. He needs cheering up. Your small family of two tiny tots and him need cheering up.
Try to speak to him about alternative job areas where his skill sets can be put to use. Once he gets a job, things will improve.
If you have always found him to be pathologically like this, there is no point in continuing with a mutually destructive relationship. If it is the circumstance that has battered him, then perhaps consistent pep-talk should pepper him up, and motivate him to look for different jobs with renewed optimism?
Hth.
2006-09-30 23:15:11 · answer #1 · answered by ssjagrawal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have just gone through this myself and was only married for 10 months so I can sympathize with you on the sole bread winner.She always wanted more than we could afford.But to answer your question if the relationship is hurting you or anyone in the family then try to fix it first but if thats not working GET OUT OF IT cause if you stay it could become alot worse.
2006-10-01 06:50:39 · answer #2 · answered by rsbalent 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separate for awhile. Go to your father's, he is willing to take care of you and the kids and help you. This will give you time to stop and really think about everything. Do not allow anyone to pressure you for answers concerning this man/relationship. Some decisions take weeks or longer to make especially when it concerns your future. I went through similiar things with my ex and decided to end it once and for all. I'm better off financially and recently I met the most wonderful man. Never let anyone tell you nice guys don't exist because they do. Life is once again great!
2006-10-01 05:50:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, money is important in a family, and if youre the sole bread winner and hes not trying, i'd say its time to move on and be happy. At least you could get some government assistance, and well its like youre taking care of 3 kids. Dont baby him, be truthful real, tell him if he doesnt get his act together you'll leave him, and see what he does. If he does nothing, well move along sweety.
2006-10-01 05:21:31 · answer #4 · answered by MM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah it sounds like things are tough right now. But is it worth throwing your 13 years together out the window? Why isn't he getting a job? Being broke can make anyone make irrational decision. Really think this through....
2006-10-01 05:25:52 · answer #5 · answered by JustMe! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy do we sound like sisters of the soul ..
There is always work out there for a male that wants it even sweeping floors ..Its very unfair of him to place the burden of his baggage on your lap ...
Tell your mate to take his butt to the local mental health ... have him checked out for depression something is stopping him from being an active part in your relationship .. if he does not want to go let then your going to need to get tough .. in the mean time hide all your funds....
2006-10-01 05:31:02 · answer #6 · answered by MrsDave 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know!!!! sit and picture the life you want and is it the life you are going to get. Sometimes you have to suffer to make things better. Nothing good comes without sacrifice, can you see yourself explaining to your daughter why the kids are teasing her having bad clothes and being poor. I would say that love could get you through but he doesn't seem to love you that much!
2006-10-01 05:37:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your dad is RIGHT!!! Your husband is depressed, and instead of doing something about it, he's just relying on u to get him out of this bind, and well that just isnt helping the situation, u can leave him , doesnt mean u have to divorce him.. but perhaps it will give him a "wake up" call and force him to be a man again... him drowning his sorrows in alchol while ur kids are suffering with out is nuts.. Picture it this way, ur in a boat, ur kids and ur husband are drowning.. he's on one side of the boat, ur kids are on the other side of the boat, u can only save either him or your kids, who do u save????????? YOUR KIDS!!!!!!!.. he's drowning in his own down ward spiral of depression.. and ur right money is money, time to put ur pride in the trash.. people have more pride in anyone that takes a piece of crap job to provide for their family rather then a man that lets his family sink.. My suggestion is for u and the kids to either find a smaller place u can afford.. or to move in with ur dad for awhile if he's near by, u cant force ur husband to leave the house.. as that is his place of residency but u can leave, and i think u need to , for your childrens sake.. like i said, doesnt mean u have to leave the marriage.. just go worry about ur kids untill he gets himself together again, i think ur marriage would be fine, if he can find his self worth again and get a job to help financially since i know all to well how stressful lack of finances can be on a marriage.. So for now get the thought of Divorce out of ur head.. realize alot of that thought is because of the stress ur marriage is enduring right now, pack up the kids and go where ever u need to that u can afford a stable life for them till ur husband gets himself out of this rut.. If he really loves u and the kids, it will motivate him to get back out there in the world.. and start functioning again..
2006-10-01 05:59:02 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm....my opinion is....mind in peace..... I know that it is a hard time for you and people in a hard time is very diffcult to be peace in their mind... and according to Plato's republic, peace of mind for some people may require wealth....
you does wrok hard to get through this , I know, and my parnets have had a hard time too, when I was little, we used to get no money, but they do get through this together.....
I think broking up in a hard time is not an good idea, and it is not even an good idea to turn that relationship into such bad way...,y be he know what is going on and he is depressed for himself so he wanna get away with it by getting drug( yes, alcohol and cigarettes are drugs and people who are in his situtation do really need it) he just want to hide himslef , maybe.
Anyway, in my point of view, it is obviously you are the one who are trying to get throguh this and he is the one who are trying to escape from this..... this two kind of people is hard to get along in the hard time....BUT it doesn;t mean he turned into a bad guy.....u guys need to talk, and talk in a time that u and he are not in alcohol and cigarettes and any stress.....YES it is hard to find such time and cahnce....this is very important and it also change the world around if u do it right.....in the old chinese folk we usually say: when ur heart(mind) is cool, you will feel cool even it is physically hot( means in bad condition)
try to talk to him in a right time....(u guys has been 13 yrs amd I think he used to be like this...)
P.S. these are just my point of view.....hope it helps
well, If I am you:
1st: talk to him in a right time see it does work or not...keep alcohol and cigarettesaway from him.....it is a kind of addiction....(man it comes to a health and medical problem....just like my second brother....)
2nd: If he say no, or say yes he'll cahnge but keep doing the same....then he really need to be taught a lesson.....well, I would say.....ok, for the kids and yourself...lets seperate for a while....see he will cahnge back for u or not....
3rd, Hope you can be adviced, and god bless you ...and I wish you can be happy and get through this difficulty.
2006-10-01 05:36:15 · answer #9 · answered by sniperpikachu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u've probably gave him enough chances...maybe you should just leave him..i think he is irresposible not only to you but the kids..he will understand - u can help him out from time to time..but get him to seek help - he is probably a much weaker in character than you..I admire your strength - keep it up! you will survive this...u know you will....write him a short note and leave - do to your family - you need some love and support at this time of desperation
2006-10-01 05:53:57 · answer #10 · answered by docKnowitall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋