I just don't know what to do. I've forgiven this man over and over. He stole from me and lied to me. It's over now because I kicked him out. He had no where to go, so he is sleeping on my couch now. It's cold outside and I'm a VERY forgiving woman. I don't want him around me, yet I can't stand him being away from me. I feel that my heart has broken and I want to go crazy. He'll be leaving in the morning. What can I do to stop the pain?
2006-09-30 20:56:40 · 18 answers · asked by kindra_m21 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
My dear I know what you are getting...
I was in love 17 years ago. He was a jerk. I love him too much. I’m a very educated woman. He wasn’t. He wanted just my money. I have gotten pregnant with him and I decided to keep the baby. When I told it to him he has gotten angry. It was such a big pain. I throw him out in the next minute. My heart was bleeding. I have my daughters now (twins). I was married a friend of mine for 20 years (two years left to the end). I never forget the first guy and I’m wondering if I had the right to do that.
He is in the jail now. I think that if I haven’t thrown him out I would kill him… Better him in the jail than me! Plus I met a new guy some days ago. Maybe he is my destiny because I’m feeling calm when I met him…
I know your heard is bleeding, I know you are in love, but throw him out, far from your life…
I don’t know that’s correct for you, it’s just my opinion dear….Ti
2006-09-30 22:01:46 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize what is best for you and do it. It sounds like you are too forgiving - and that can happen. It takes alot of back bone to stand up and say "I am not going to let you walk all over me any more!" But you can do it. If you are having problems standing your ground, find a girlfriend or a family member who can help you stick to your resolve. It sounds like this man needs to be out of your life and off your couch. It will probably still be cold tomorrow and what about the next day. Will you let him stay on your couch until next spring when it warms up? No, stick to your guns and make him get out. You deserve to be treated well and with respect. This isn't love, this is a bad situation.
As for the pain - that will pass with time. Time heals all wounds. I would suggest that after you kick him out in the morning that you do something nice for yourself. Go shopping, get a hair cut, soak in the tub. What ever lifts your spirits. And every time you find yourself dwelling on him and missing him - remind yourself of the worst things he did to you and then do something nice again for yourself to congratulate yourself for being strong. Before you know it, it will be easier and easier to treat yourself nicely and put him in the past.
2006-09-30 21:11:03 · answer #2 · answered by Shadowtwinchaos 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. I've been in your very shoes. The only thing that can really heal your heart is time. There's no miracle cure for a broken heart, it just takes time to mend. As far as staying in a relationship or not, I use the three A's... Abuse, Adultry, Addiction.
If there's any one of these things going on, get out of the relationship and stay out. If not evaluate your situation and use your best judgement. talk with someone you trust, preferably a neutral third party to be objective about it. I know it hurts now, but you WILL get through this.
2006-09-30 21:14:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like any break up or separation it can be painful. There is a grief and loss process to go through and unfortunately it does hurt. But dont put it off any longer. You know deep down that it is never going to work with this person.
Once he is gone for good you can start over. Yes it will be hard at times and you will miss him but you will get over this. Cry when you need to (dont bottle it up), talk about it to understanding friends or a counsellor.
Whatever you do - dont ever get back together with him. It is very very good of you to be forgiving. dont get me wrong. I think you are amazing for forgiving over and over. But now enough is enough. His past behaviour is obvious he is not going to change. Break the cycle and move on.
Dont turn to alcohol or anything negative to help with the pain. So many people do - to numb their feelings but it doesnt help. Face your feelings and talk about it. Do things to look after yourself. See it as a chance to have some time for yourself - do something you've always wanted to do like dance class or painting or anyhting you fancy.
Take care and best of luck
2006-09-30 21:04:39 · answer #4 · answered by Nic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to tell him exactly how you feel, you obviously still care about him ALOT, so keep in touch with him (at the least) and remain very close friends. Sometimes youll find out that being good friends is really what you wanted all along. However, i dont recommend that you put up with him lying and stealing, kicking him out is the right thing to do. Time to show him some tough love. And if your heart is still breaking, do what every girl with a broken heart does...eat ice cream, hang out with girlfriends, do some yoga, and keep busy!
2006-09-30 21:07:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, there is a difference between being forgiving and kind, and being a doormat and having people take advantage of you. Don't make the same mistake my mom did by allowing the man you love (she still loves him) walk all over you and ruin your life. After tonight, tell him you don't ever want to see him again. You deserve so much more, and surely there will be someone out there more deserving than he is.
2006-09-30 21:08:52 · answer #6 · answered by boo! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep trying to remind yourself of bad things he has done to you, is it worth the roller coaster ride? You can't really do anything to stop the pain, it will eventually heal by itself as time goes on. But letting that guy still be near you would not help the healing process, your love would resurface again. Just try to keep yourself occupied for now, call your friends and love ones, anybody whose close to you. ask them, if they can stay/live with you, for awhile, so the wounds won't be too painful and to avoid you from entertaining that guy again. You have to teach him a lesson. You have to weigh your options: do you want a normal and sane life or this.... You choose and i hope you choose well.
2006-09-30 21:09:20 · answer #7 · answered by Martin S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he stole from you and has lied to you, then he has no respect for you. If he doesn't respect you, then he doesn't love you as much as you want him to.
The best you can do for you is to just "let him go". The pain will subside. Show yourself the respect you deserve by not giving in to him. He will only hurt you again.
Be strong! Only you can take care of yourself because no one else will. You lived without him before and you can again.
2006-09-30 21:43:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a lot of people confuse broken hearts with heartaches. Broken hearts don't heal, heartaches do. When my grandpa died, my grandma was only in her sixties, but finding another partner was out of the question. Her partner had passed before her, but for the rest of her life(almost 40 more years), she was still his partner, and would join him eventually. Some hearts are meant for that, and some bounce back. Yours will, this is serious heartache (and one of the most effective diets you'll ever be on), but eventually your heart will look for other companionship. But THIS time, you'll be a lot smarter, and choose someone worthy of you.
2006-09-30 21:12:46 · answer #9 · answered by terri m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell yourself I don't give a damn 3 times and every time it bothers you. Pretty soon you will believe it. It works for me. Don't ever for get how he made u feel. This will help ease the soft heartiness u feel to let him in your house again. Don't feel bad. You went above and beyond with this person. For get about it.
2006-09-30 21:01:07 · answer #10 · answered by jpdoneit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋