My husband and I have been together for 10 years, we are best friends, and we have 2 sons. The problem I am having all these years later is stability. My husband got a really good job over a year ago. We ended up fufilling our dream of moving out to the country and building a home. We put all of our savings into our new home and land. A month after we move in, my husband gets fired from his job for a positive drug test. He had sworn to me before that he had quit smoking pot and would never risk his career for it. He has been out of work for 6 months now and we are $50,000 in debt with credit cards and loans. My husband continues to go out and party with these people he was doing drugs with before, and sometimes he lets them stay over. I am a full time college student working towards 2 degrees and I cannot go out and work. I am worried that he just might not be the one for me anymore. I love him and he is good to me, but I need someone stable in my life. Any suggestions?
2006-09-30 19:31:58 · 12 answers · asked by lovetolove 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I appreciate all the support I am getting from everyone, but I seem to have aroused negative feelings in some people. First of all, as far as me being fake and that I should drop classes and get a damn job, as one person stated--Well, I had a job that I left after 6 years of employment to move out to the middle of nowhere with my husband, who said that he would take care of everything. We live very far away from a busy town or a city where I would even be able to get a good job. Besides, why should I have to go out and work my butt off, while he stays home and parties with his loser peers? Secondly, after 10 years of being together, this is not out first run in with major problems. Before this good job that he got, he was off of work for 3 years for an injury. I completely supported and took care of him, while I worked full time and took care of the kids. And before that, we always struggled with finances and I always stood by him. So, I am certainly not selfish or a fake.
2006-09-30 20:28:34 · update #1
Give him an ultimatum. It is either the drugs and his friends that he parties with or it is you and the boys. Tell him if he doesn't change you will take the kids with you and leave. It may only be a bluff, but it might get him to think about how he is affecting his family. Counseling might help, but only if he feels a need for it.
2006-09-30 19:36:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is understandable why you don't think he's the one anymore. Look what he's doing.. doing drugs and not caring about the finaces, especially when you both have children to support. That is quite irresponsible.
I think that there is love between you, but he is addicted to the drugs, and addiction makes people not care about future goals and focus only on 'living the present'.. you know how drugs are a 'one time high'?
So that's the problem.. you need someone stable. Yes, you deserve what you want.. He needs to shape up!
I'm sure both of you have not had a good talk and been intimate with each other, else how would you drift so far apart, when you're just monitoring and watching his actions?
I would say take him to a drug rehab centre, but then he needs to want to quit too. But the best thing to start with is to revisit the old times with him, as in, you need to talk.. you know the best way to approach this.
I wish you the best and hope it can be resolved.
2006-10-01 02:42:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 Years is a very long time to "walk away" so to speak, I am sure you are really troubled with this way of life, but, if you truly love him , talk with him, tell him how you really feel about drugs and also the debt problems, one thing at a time is the best thing to do,if anything give a few ultimadums about your relationship, 6 months is a long time to be unemployed, and i am sure its bothering him deep down inside, also the children shouldn't have to be subject to knowing anything about the details of the problems that are occuring, unless they are old enough to understand,if your marriage is open enough for communication in a comfortable setting together , then you can get through any obstacle, if not, then well try professional counseling. Good Luck and Good Health!
2006-10-01 02:44:19 · answer #3 · answered by Electric 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's that old "in sickness and in health" stuff, huh? You are torn. Well, when he made his vow he also said he would take care of you. Sounds like you keep getting the raw end of the deal. Especially if he is doing drugs.
Get some counsel ling. Set some boundaries with him with a marriage counselor present. Don't make any threats you are not willing to enforce.
If he keeps bs'ing you and does not stop using drugs, get a lawyer.
Been there done that got a couple of T-shirts. It won't get better at all if you don't take some action as outlined above.
2006-10-01 09:19:13 · answer #4 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you feel that you need someone more stable in your life then you do....since you have been together 10 years you have some leverage....your husband has become comfortable in his situation...if you want your husband to change then you have to change...i dont see a problem with pot myself so maybe he needs to get a job that doesnt drug test and money problems can really strain a marriage and you love him and he is good to you...i wouldnt throw that away....tell him you want a separation til he gets his **** together...go to a lawyer and have him pay for the house or apartment and expenses while you go to school....focus on yourself and your kids and life and he will get the message and in time he will grow up and change but men are like mountains..it takes a bit of a push before they want to change
2006-10-01 02:38:20 · answer #5 · answered by bertha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you and your husband need to really sit down and talk about whats going on in y'all life give him a dead line on getting a job and fixing his problems with pot. i know you go to college but if he not doing right you need to do what right for you and the kids don't lose every thing you have because your husband is falling down be stronger.If you need to leave him do so get your self an apt and a job fall back on school go part time.You need to make your self happy first before you try to move on its not easy but you can do it if you stay focus i hope every turn out for you.
2006-10-01 02:48:16 · answer #6 · answered by leeleemd1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are going to be the stable one in your life. If your husband continues with his drug lifestyle then he isn't ready to be a man and a husband and father. Even though you love him you need to put your sons first, they deserve better than what their father has been giving them.
2006-10-01 02:55:59 · answer #7 · answered by nutnut1957 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think kthat you are a fake person why is it that now because he is out of work he isnt the one before when he was smoking weed and he could afford to not only buy a house but build it everything was all good but now that you have to struggle alittle bit your ready to run away. why cant you drop a few classes and get a damn job to help out with some of the debt im sure you contributed to
2006-10-01 02:48:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
the two of you need to see a councelor before he puts your family in jepordy somehow. It sounds like his priorities are not in check, you need to have a serious talk with him, maybe het his family to back you up !
Dont call it quits till you have made an effort to work through it!
2006-10-01 02:35:27 · answer #9 · answered by minx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie its time you cut him loose. he obviously has an addiction problem,he lost his job to drugs.hes partying with heads.take the kids and leave him,he'll do 1 of2 things.he'll either get help or use you leaving as an excuse to continue partying. (i know ive been there.)
good luck
2006-10-01 02:42:05 · answer #10 · answered by greg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋