I want to leave my husband, how?

Question

I am very unhappy in my marriage. I believe it is because my husband is so selfish. He expects so much from me and gives little to nothing in return. The only time he pays any attention to me is when he wants sex. Anytime I try to talk to him about anything, even day to day conversation, he gets a blank look on his face or simply walks away. Makes me feel like whatever I have to say is unimportant and not worth listening to.
We recently moved to another state where financial things were supposed to be improved, he lied about everything to me. Told me it would be better because he had a job lined up, housing and bills cheaper and his family to help with childcare. Every one of those turned out to be untrue.
I also have a son (not his) that he doesn't even try to bond with. He treats him like hired help. It hurts me to see all this and my husband not even care.
I want to leave him, but not hurt my kids. What is the right thing to do?

Answer 1

I understand how you feel. I know that it hurts and you love him. Its upsetting and hurtful, to know the person that u love, care about and married to.... just doesn't RESPECT you the way you deserve to be. Cause if he did he would not have lied to and manipulated you into moving. Its a shame cause its ur husband so u prob just went along with him.
But he isn't really being fair to you so now that you know what he has done. What are you going to do about it? And how long are you gonna take cause you only hav one life hun and time is ticking. Honestly i don't think he will change and really hun you deserve better. Don't you think so? It won't be easy being on your own but its ok cause you'll have peace and.... no pain no gain.
Sometimes, You have to make some sacrifices in order to be truely happy.
i know how much it hurts. i think that the best thing for you to do is to start planning your new future but don't tell anyone (just do what you need to do for yourself). Take care of your needs cause no one else will. if you don't wash your back who gonna wash it for ya right? lol .

Get a job or go to school. So you can have your own money cause if he continues on this way i'm sure you gonna have to leave him right? You can get a separate bank acct that he doesn't even know about make sure no mail comes to ur home or make sure you beat him to the mail box.Or put it in a family member name who you trust enough not to run off with your saved 10,000 bux lol.
There are sooo many men out there and think about how many try to kick it with you. i know you want him but he don't want you hun well only when its time to hav sex. I know that doesn't make you feel good. Actually, it can take away from your self-esteem and plz don't let it go any farther than it already has. When u do realize your worth and leave him, Believe me its just a feeling and it will go away. You can do it. Just think of how much time you'll save the sooner you leave him. We all go through it we love some and lose some its life hun. So expect everything and be suprised by nothing. That way you'd be able to handle the situation better emotionally. Ya know what i mean? it won't hurt as much and it might not hurt at all. You can learn something from this experience so that you can apply it to you next relationship in a positive way.
Hope i helped you some. Good Luck.

Answer 2

The right thing to do is leave him. You truly sound unhappy in the words you type, and I can sense that. Selfish is not a good thing in a relationship. Both should compromise and give in the marriage. Obviously he didn't understand those vows he took when he married you. It sounds like he's basically using this marriage on the basis of sex, and that's disgusting, because marriage is more than that. The simple fact that he uprooted you to a new state and basically lied to you is a reason why you should leave him. No man should do this. He should want the best for his family and make sure they never go without. When my mom meant my step father a few years ago, she was hasty to get married, but she knew she loved him. I was a little against the marriage, but I became more appreciative of him, because he made sure I was always taken care of and that I never did without, and I wasn't even his daughter. He is still there for me, even at 22 yrs. old. He always makes sure I'm okay with any situation I'm in and if I ever need anything he'll be there to help. My mom got a blessing in disguise, because unlike my step father, my real father wasn't like that, so I thank my step father for all he has given me. Your husband should want that for your son and want that for you. It's his responsibility to help support you and your son (kids). Don't let him mistreat you. Unless you feel like you can resolve this with marriage counseling, just leave him. The marriage is not worth saving if he can't be willing to be 50/50. Make sure though when you leave you have a plan. Make sure you have a place to go and money. When you get that square, you can than do everything else, find a job and get your kids into school and so forth. GL.

Answer 3

Well, this is never a good situation, and everybody will probably say "Just leave his ***". Its not that easy though. Do what your heart says, because that will be the only comfort that you have when all is said and done. To answer your question though, pack up you and your son while he's gone one day and get the hell out of there. Send his *** some divorce papers in the mail. Ask a family member if you can stay until you get yourself together. Be serious about your decision though. Don't leave if you know you'll be back. A man that can't treat you OR YOUR SON good is not the man for you! F*** him!!!!

Answer 4

I Am sorry you are so miserable. I am not married now, i have been married before more than once. I KNOW the lonliest feeling in the world is to be married or living with a person, who does not respect you, or any aspect of you.
It made me feel like a "non person", JUST A CONVIENCE, I THINK you should decide what exactly you want in life, (even write it down) WHAT KIND OF A LIFE YOU WANT, and why,
and then take a good hard look at yourself, and count your blessings, and good qualities, as well as defects, and then go to seee a counselor of some kind, whether in a church, or a hospital or whereever you can afford to,

Next, is be close to your friends and family, and tell them what is happening to you, and dont push them away, even make new friends if possible,

I know it is easy for me to sit lhere and type these ideas and it is not difficult to be "HELPFUL, BUT IT IS DIFFICULT to draw from your deepest strengths, and make a decision, especially for a change,

I also am not saying leave him. i am saying after you are confident about who you are, and what you want, and you can define tha needs that you are not getting met,,
in other words after you are mentally and spiritually prepared, then have a meeting or something and tell your husband,,"make a presentation" BUT LET LLHIM KNOW THAT YOUR RELATIONSHONSHIP AS IT IS NOW, DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU,, AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL,

Do not feel guilllty for wanting more out of life than being invisable,,
let him know your needs are not being met..
and if you love him, or believe that you want to continue a life with him, then let him know, this is not a rehearsel, he better be willing to 'want to make this work",, REAL BAD, OR REAL GOOD,

PRAY, GOD IS AROUND, EVEN IF YOU DO NOT HEAR HIM..
GOOD LUCK,

Answer 5

It sounds like it's all ready hurting the kids. You'd be surprised but kids even young kids pick up when one of the parents is unhappy. Even if your not having knock down drag outs your stuffing your feelings. Your kids will learn this by observation & is that what you want for them. To learn how to hold back their true feelings and stuff them away. If you stay in this marriage built on lies chances are when yyour children get older they might even resent you for putting up with such a man. If you were to separate and be able to be yourself, your true self again, your kids would see how much happier you are and observe that behavior. There are many single moms today that raise very happy stable adults. And that is because they were brought up with a happy stable parent. Allthough know one really has the right to sit here and tell you what to do, but write down the pros and cons of this lier for a husband. Your husband is supposed to be the one person you can turn too and take his word to heart. You shouldn't have to wonder or doubt whatever he tells you. Is that the kind of marriage you invetioned for yourself? Your just going to do what your gut tells you. Your kids can't grow up overnight but you can.

Answer 6

Before you leave, have a plan.
1. Where are you going? Anohter city, state, country?
2. Are you financially able to make the move?
3. Can you find work in your new location?
4. Will he try to find you?
5. Tell your son what you are planning, so he isn'tsurprised by a sudden move.

The "right," thing to do, is what you feel is best for you and your son. Only you can make that decision.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Its not about whats right or wrong its about whats best for you and your son. Do you want your son to grow up thinking this is the way to treat his girlfriends/wife? Also you deserve to be happy and your hubby isn't making you happy.

But, before you leave you need a plan. A place to live even if its with family for a short time. A job lined up. Find your own house or apartment. If you think your hubby will come looking for you or get violent in anyway make sure he can't find you.

Answer 8

When kids are involved, it's always more difficult. You said that your son is not his, and that your husband doesn't try to bond with him at all. For the sake of that child, I think you should leave him. Not having a father-figure in your life at all is preferable to having a man in your son's life that doesn't care a thing about him. You and your kids would be better off, it seem to me. Start making plans to go somewhere where you and your child can start a new life. Take care of your kid first. Men come and go, but your children are yours forever. Good luck!

Answer 9

He needs a wake up call. Immediately file for a divorce, without discussing it with him, or letting on that you are going to do so., and take him for everything you can get. The time it takes for the divorce to be finalized will be more than enough time for him to change his ways, in which case you can choose to just not go through with the divorce. And if he does not change, at least you will be well on your way to ending a dead relationship. For do you really want to stay in a relationship like you currently have the rest of your life? Then why not end it now, while you're still young enough to attract the type of mate you have always dreamed of?

Answer 10

Give this program a try before you break up a family. It's called www.retrouvaille.com. check spelling. It's a weekend counselling program that a bunch of couples go to at a hotel and they write letters and talk to each other with the help of watching people who went through the same program, which saved their marriage. They are sharing their stories to help others. Many relationships were saved, including mine over this program. It's a donation type program. You donate what you feel it was worth to you and your saved marriage or it could be free if you decide you couldn't afford anything.. Believe me. It works.