Ok for those of you that have moved on.. you still feel sad about your divorce even though you want it, so what exactly are those feelings?My mother says she went through them even though she no longer loved my father that way, my bf just got divorced, he's been great and everything, but just want some different opinions on what those feelings are ? just so i can understand the situation a little better. Cheers!
2006-09-30 18:29:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO this guy did not cheat on me .. or his ex.. they broke up cause she was cheating on him ok and we didn't meet until about 8 months after they broke up. They have 2 little boys so he misses them, and worries about them even though he see's them often.
2006-09-30 18:37:14 · update #1
Divorce affects all people differently depending on the reasoning for the divorce.. usually the dumpee takes it worse then the dumper.. of course and if there are children involved then usually its hard on both ends because even if you dont love ur spouse there is still a bond of history and children and u feel like a failure that you couldnt hold ur marriage together.. u feel like u let ur children down.. It took me 7 years to get over my x husband leaving me to the point i could seriously move on, i had relationships, before but my divorce was always in the back of my mind, either still hopeing he'd come back and make our family whole again, or the pain of him cheating and the fact i was so crushed , scared me to want to get to close to anyone for fear they would hurt me that way too.. U cant share your life with someone and not be attached to them in some way.. even if its just memories of what was.. certain things will trigger memories sometimes good sometimes bad.. sometimes when we harbor the pain.. we take out things from that relationship on the new one.. it really screws u up for awhile emotionally.. and sometimes u get hurt so badly u put up a wall around ur heart and dont let people to close.. but all in all in time.. things get better.. may not erase it completely.. but it gets better..
Just read ur additional details.. things u "could" expect to see in him..
Love is not a faucet that u can just turn off and on when u want it.. so u may see things that seem like he still loves his x wife.. and although it hurts like hell when this happens ..its normal.. and he doesnt love who she is now , it will be a love for who she once was and for the mere fact that they have children together, doesnt mean he wants her back.. at all.. so dont freak out if u see things that make u wonder if he still has feelings for her..
Realize that he has children with her..and he's going to have to be civil to her for their sakes, u may possibly see things about the x and wonder why he's not biting her head off for them.. realize he has to put his children first BEFORE YOU at times, and even before himself.. which could end up with him seeming like he's eatting crap with a spoon politely..
He's going to have good days and bad days.. some days hes going to be fine.. other days he's going to feel hurt and pain of what once was, NOT about her persay, but mostly about his kids.. its very tuff from going from a Dad that saw your kids every day , and got to kiss them goodnight every night to suddenly u only get to see them 4 days out of the month or there abouts..
And because she cheated on him.. he's more then likely the one that is really hurt by the divorce..and could cause alot of insecurities in himself, which causes lack of trust for you, not that u did anything wrong, but because of his x cheating on him and hurting him so badly , he'll be very scared that u will do the same to him.. especially the deeper his feelings get for u..
PATIENCE and UNDERSTANDING.. are going to have to be ur strengths to see him through this.. it could take a short while, or it could take years.. just depends how hurt he is on the inside..
2006-09-30 18:43:15 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its really weird....no matter how bad the situation is when two people are together, the minute you get divorced there is a sense of loss and failure.
People forget very easily. Its a part of the human condition to remember the good times and to forget the bad times.
A lot of the feelings stem from the moving on part. Its really hard to let go of a person that you have been intimate with and to know that someone else is taking your place.
2006-09-30 18:35:17 · answer #2 · answered by sent_from_heaven2me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time is a healer. It's like a physical wound--at first it hurts a lot, but eventually (may take years!) will feel better.
Take the time to heal, don't deny that the hurt is there. Covering the hurt up with booze/drugs/sex etc. is just delaying the process, won't help in the long run. If you have to get addicted to something, get a jogging habit!
Every so often may flash back....but less so as time goes by. This too shall pass....
2006-09-30 18:35:29 · answer #3 · answered by silentnonrev 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was very much for my divorce, but the actual day as the judges gable hit the desk, I felt like a criminal....like I had failed marriage big time. A good cure for this is a divorce party, hell you have one to get married you should have one to get single too. Plus your friends all gather around and give you abit of support when you need it most.
2006-09-30 19:36:26 · answer #4 · answered by obenypopstar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm divorced and function went by and am nonetheless going dealing with the custody subject concerns. it rather is person-friendly for the adult men to grant alot interior the initiating then re-evaluate issues as quickly as they upload up each and every of the youngster help money. My ex needed his freedom and to run wild and unmarried back. So interior the initiating the toddlers have been fairly all mine. yet now he's remarried and has a clean spouse and a few step toddlers. His money is tight and now he has somebody to babysit his young ones. i think of the decide will certainly take his criminal rates heavily. The decide will additionally evaluate his gf's debts if she would be spending time with or looking after your son. it is going to surely be smart to have an lawyer now, you will shop alot of money and heartache interior the long-term. solid success!
2016-10-15 09:42:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the one thing you never get over is not able to be there 24 hours day , you miss out on things with them when your not there but you always love your ex even if it is because they are the other parnet of the children, but they just cant live together and their love they use to have has died and it makes you feel like you have fail, so you try to becareful your kids never feel that so you do what you have to and try to make up to them, but you learn you have to keep living and just keeping going on with life. and even thought you meet someone else whom is very speical to you sometimes you feel what if i can't trust them but we try to over look that and relize that we have to give the other a chance and blame them just because one has done you wrong, every human needs to be loved and feel the need of a aspeical person in their life but slow down and make sure this time
2006-10-01 06:30:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We never stop loving someone for the reasons we fell in love with them, but when the negatives begin to outweigh the positives, it seems as if we do not love them anymore. But it still hurts, because of the love; that once given, can never be taken back, and that too is being left.
2006-09-30 18:35:04 · answer #7 · answered by eric l 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like a death, there is a mourning process. No one gets married expecting to get divorced and when things do not work out as you once thought they would, you have to take some time to reconcile yourself with it.
2006-09-30 18:33:29 · answer #8 · answered by Mos 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't miss her at all. Walked out the front door and never looked back. No hestition and no regrets. Got my two boys half the time and they are doing great.
2006-09-30 19:05:00 · answer #9 · answered by Tony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me the feelings are sad because at one time you thought everything was perfect and so in love, and when you divorce your dreams of being with that person forever have been destroyed and it seems to happen so fast, you dont love him anymore but you failed at one of the biggest dreams of your life and he was part of that
2006-09-30 18:47:35 · answer #10 · answered by James 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋