How do I obtain a better relationship with my dad?

Question

I want to know how I can have a better relationship with my dad.
I don't think im doing anything wrong, I think it's him.
I don't know if this is "normal" but like I can't wait until i'm 18 so I can move out, and get away from my dad. He's just always angry, grumpy, and completely favors my sister. My parents are divorcing right now, and everything is hell on earth. We're always fighting about the simplest things. For instance, he was upset because I left a baseball at my mom's house, and forgot to bring it over. He has a MAJOR fit. He has about 20 other ones.
I want to know if this is just because i'm young? (11)

Hey, I'm not stupid, I know what playboy is. Sad, but i've found it laying around his house.

And, my dad NEVER seems to change, last time we went for a walk..he ended up asking ME for advice. I mean like he will be charming for a few days..then he will be back to his old self.

I used to talk this over with my mom, but then she got engaged to a guy i don't exactly like. Nothing is private, ANYTHING i say to her get's repeated.

And now I'm getting upset because it seems like no one understands me, I swear. No one understands that my dad DOENS'T care about me. How do I know? He almost sliced my leg with a knife. He thinks I'm his slave. He makes me clean his entire house and i'm not kidding. I thought that what his stupid girlfriend's job was.

Answer 1

Give him a playboy

Answer 2

No, it's not cause you're young, its cause your parents are getting divorced, so it's not really your fault. I mean, leaving a baseball at your mom's? Was it his? If it was, I totally understand why he was mad...he's mad at your mom and wants all his stuff back! lol

Unfortunately, you may have to just ride this out for a while. Things will calm down after the divorce is final. Until then, I would try to keep the peace, do what he asks (within reason lol) and try to voice your feelings about his anger and the divorce, only in a constructive way though, cause yelling doesn't help. You could also try to do some activities with him that take your mind off the divorce. Those times should be pretty pleasant. Yeah basically divorce sucks, but you'll get through it. Now may be a time to depend on your good friends for support.

Answer 3

Yes, i understand how you feel and what you are going through. I believe what you say " My dad doesn't care about me"
Honestly Hun, You can't change a person sweetie. I'm very sorry that you are going through this. (children deserve respect too)
Get involved in stuff so u can just avoid being around your dad so much. If you can't get involved in academic programs then just don't talk to him don't be around him don't even look at him cause whats the point? He won't see you that much and you won't see him that much. Hopefully he'll miss seeing you around.
I would like to recommend what i did. I asked my teachers about how to get into some free programs afterschool. If you have to ask then do so. i basically enrolled in every type of program and after school program that i could be in. I had tennis lessons, swimming lessons, volley ball practice, arts and crafts, karate etc. everything was free too. I also had the option to go to a recreation center and i loved that cause i got to play games, use the computer room, interact with other kids and adults. Then when i go home i eat and go to bed. Homework was done in the rec center too.
If you have other male role models or even male family they don't even have to be a role model but someone you love. Ask them to hang out with you sometimes. Good luck Hun. I hop i gave you some ideas.

Answer 4

Focus on some positive things about your dad and keep those in mind when you talk to him. Your positive energy will show and even if it takes a couple of instances, I bet you'll notice that it's contagious. The best you can do is be happy with yourself and know that your dad and mom are going through a huge ordeal that neither one of them thought they would ever have to go through. They both love you and there emotions are probably so overworked that they just don't know how to show it. Remember that they love you and even though it looks bad right now, good times are still ahead. Hang in there and don't forget to pray, the Lord loves you very much too and Jesus is a great friend to talk to when the world seems to get away from you.

Answer 5

First of all realize DAD is human.. and humans make mistakes.. sounds to me that dad is just really stressed out right now... and with all divorces theres a feeling of hurt, anger, and feeling like a failure especially when there are children involved.. and your dad is probably feeling all of these feelings, i doubt he means to be grumpy with u , he probably doesnt even realize he's doing it.. I have no doubt that your dad loves you.. i think he's just really confused right now, and unfortunately he's taking it out on you.. I know its hard for you to understand why, but u will someday.. just try and be patient with ur dad right now.. and try to understand its not u he's upset with.. give your dad some extra hugs, and just keep telling him its going to be alright... and it will be.. just takes alittle time is all.. Your dad needs u more then u realize right now.. its hard being a single parent.. and takes some time to adjust to it..

He almost sliced off ur leg with a knife??????? ummmmmmm now i think ur just being exaggerative.. because u and i both know if you thought he was really going to harm u , u would of told your mom or the police.. and guess what.. ur dad NEEDS extra help around the house because he is 1 PERSON.. and his "GF" isnt responsible for cleaning up your households mess.. just like u wouldnt expect ur friends to come over and clean ur house would u?????? no.. Your starting to sound more and more like a spoiled child that is pouting cause dad doesnt let u get ur own way more so then a child this is hurting because your relationship with ur father isnt what it use to be..

Answer 6

I'm sorry for you but please take into consideration that he and your mom are going thru alot right now. Try not to take it personally. Its a very stressful time when adults go thru a divorce and they don't mean to take it out on their kids but it does happen. I would suggest maybe talking to him and really letting out how you feel to him. If he starts to get "angry" then just tell him "Dad, I really wanted to be open and honest with you about how I feel". I think if you confront him with your issues, it may help this situation. I hope I helped. Take care and good luck honey - you can do this.

Answer 7

I went through a bad divorce in 1980. Never did tell family why but when I needed some help w/my car I went to my dad and sat, talking about what is happening and why I needed his help. car wasn't running well enough to get me to doc to fix cracked ribs. My ad is a listener, really doesn't give advice just listens.
But later in years we connected. Talk about his dad and mom, when he was growing up. What about his grandparents. When did they come from. Those are the good ole days. Ancestory brings em back to good times. I still talk about em w/my dad and he's 78.

Answer 8

This is going to be a rough time for your family. Tell your dad it was unintentional and not worth fighting over because you'll get back soon.

Tell your dad you love him, tell your mom you love her and tell them both that you dont want to be put in the middle because this was not your choice.

I think its normal for all teens to be hopeful to move out by the time their 18 whether your parents are still together or not. When your 18 you'll decide differently or maybe you'll move out but you'll come back and by the time your 20 you'll appreciate them both.

Answer 9

It is, in part because you are young. He doesn't see you as a "person" he just sees you as a responsibility. My father and I didn't get over this until I was 20 years old, or so.

Are you seeing a counselor? It sounds like you are going through a tough time right now. Maybe you could ask your dad if you, he and your sister could see one together?

Best of luck to you *hug*

Answer 10

These things are not happening because you're young, they're happening because your father is in a lot of pain and he doesn't know how to handle it. Unfortunately, you are bearing the burden of his agony and it's hurting you. Remember the phrase "Hurting people hurt people" because that is definitely a true statement. Perhaps you could speak with another trusted person who could help you with this sad situation. Right now you cannot have a better relationship with your father because he's focused on his own problems and you shouldn't have to endure this kind of treatment from your father or from anyone else. My prayers are with you, Sweetie.

Answer 11

As an old guy ... I'll tell you the best thing to do is to take a walk around the block with him.
Tell him you need to work out a kink in your muscle and could use some company.
Getting away from the distractions of the home -- is priceless.

I used to walk with my dad, that is when we became friends.