what should I do???????

Question

my husband is a verball, emotionaly and once a physical alcaholic abuser. I have told him I am filing for divorce which I am. He says he's going to kill himself ( emotional abuse). He stops drinking for a couple days and I start thinking he's going to change but he goes back to drinking ( we also have 3 kids a 2yr 4 yr and 6yr). He playing with there emotions also ( is daddy going to be home tonight?) why can't I just let go of him? why won't he choose his family over budweiser? Does anyone think he will change this has been going on for over 2 years now

Answer 1

As soon as he talks of killing himself call the police ( which is emotional abuse in the extreme, and which I think is a bluff as well )
They will take him to a hospital for observation, and he will be put in the system to get the help he needs. If he does'nt change though you need to think about the well being of you and you children. If he threatens to kill himself just be strong and get out of there with your children. Alchoholics may be sweet while their sober, but are the most selfish people when their drunk. Take it from a recovering alchoholic.

Answer 2

My dad drank all the time when I was little. He beat my mom, nearly to death in 93, but she never left him because of me. She held onto him because she didn't want me to grow up without a father. She regretted it all the time, and she even told me never to hang on to someone like that.

Her current husband used to drink all the time too, and they faught constantly. They went to marriage counseling, and lemme tell ya, they're always happy together. They both feel horrible after a little quarrel with one another. I would seriously recommend it. If you didn't have the children, I might think in a different light. But it's always hard for a child to grow up with an abusive parent. Maybe if you can have a talk with him (when he's sober) and tell him how you honestly feel, he might listen. Try to tell him there's a huge problem, and just tell him your emotions.

Don't blame him, but tell him how you feel. Conversations go very differen't just because the word "you" can be put into the wrong text.

Rather than " You drink too much and hurt my feelings"

Say "I'm upset, and I think that we should talk about our problems."

Don't say "Your" problems, because it's both of your problems! You're married, so you have to do things as a team.

Answer 3

Its a very cramped environment ur living in.and its NOT doin u or ur children any good to live in such unpredictable n abusive home.Ur husband seems to have taken ur indecisiveness for granted,n feels that he can do the simplest of acts(e.g._stop drinking for a day or 2)can make u want to give another chance.the sort he seems to be_he needs to go into rehabilitation to recover,as well as honest MOTIVATION to get over /deal with his problems.He's a wreck,and is baiting the the 4 of u into it as well.He wont change in the next year either.So go ahead with the divorce...u'll do urself n the kids a favour.
Dont be taken in by an abuser's words..if he can be a short-tempered drunkurd_he's finished as a person,and promises mean NOTHING to him.Walk out for ur good_for ur n ur children's growth n health..he's finished himself_dont be fooloish enough to let him ruin u 4 as well..
Tough it is,but u'll need to get out of this and breathe easy..

Answer 4

You basically just described my father when I was 12.
The best thing to happen to both my parents was to get a divorce.
They are both happier today then they were after 20 years of marriage.

I've been there and I know the best thing to do is let him go.
In the end you Will feel better.
Not at first but you will.

By the way, if he is physical then there is no right for him to be with you.
That is the main reason my mother eventually got the courage to tell him to leave.

I wish you the best.

Answer 5

He's not going to change until he realizes he has a problem. He is an alcoholic. Plain and simple. I know you still love him or you wouldn't be there. There is no way to convince him to get help. He's got to get there and decide on his own. Maybe if you leave, he'll realize that he needs the help and things can change then. It is a sickness. I wish the best for you and your children. Good luck.

Answer 6

my ex was like that.....they do not change! He threatened to kill himself....he stopped when I oftered to get the rope. Once he found that I did not fall into his guilt trips he quit using them, but the abuse didnt stop. I left and it about killed me depression wise......but years later and a new wonderful man and I am a happy gal now. I say get out. Make yourself walk away, it will be the toughest thing in the world......whatever you do dont look back, set your mind and heart on it and never look back because if you do then you will be sucked back in.

Answer 7

I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation. I've stayed this long for our kids, but I think in the long run it'll be best for them to grow up without this constantly in front of them. It's a hard thing to do, but getting out is best. There is always the chance that if you really leave he'll get the idea and clean up his act (including counseling or AA) and that there may be hope for a reunion in the future.

If he does do something to himself, it's him, not you. Don't feel guilty for what he does, or might do, and don't let the guilt of it keep you there. I admire you for trying to improve the situation for yourself and your kids!

Answer 8

Your husband is a very sick man. If he will not seek help for himself, your family will not hold together. Ask him when he is sober, what you and the children mean to him. Is he willing to fight his addiction and make a go of the family life, or throw it away for booze?
It's a good thing you are strong and have been able to keep the family together. Best of luck to you all.

Answer 9

The first thing to recognize is that your husband is suffering from a disease, alcoholism. Knowing that he suffers from a disease can help cope with his recovery, should he make that decision. One way to find out if he is ready to recover is to hold an intervention with all the people who care about him. You can find out more about interventions on the Internet. If your husband is being abusive to your children, you need to take action quickly. The scars to children of alcoholics are lifelong. You need to go to Alanon meetings for certain, where you will learn more about coping with your husband. At Alanon, you can get resources from other members, for help with your children. You may need to separate yourself and your children from your husband, if he continues to be abusive. It doesn't mean your relationship is over -- it means you are taking steps to protect innocent children who don't understand the disease of alcoholism. If you call the phone number listed below, you can ask for help in locating the Alanon meeting closest to you. Alanon meetings are held in churches, hospitals and other public buildings in your area. I attended Alanon for years and years -- and it is a great support system of other people in the same boat as your family. Best wishes and chin up.

Answer 10

He will never change... the longer you wait the harder it will get... You've gotta move on for you and your kids sake. If your worried about your kids missing him don't just think of how they are going to turn out groing up in this abusive relationship. It is for the better.