My g/f's kids talk **** about me all the time,because they can't stand the fact that their mother and i are together.What would you do if one of the kids went to your familys and tried to talk bad about you.Of course my family knows me and knows i'm not at all a bad person.But how does a person deal with kids that just stand up to their mother and say what they feel,and talk crap about me all the time? I love my g/f alot,and don't wanta' give up on us-BUT what can i do?Anyone been there?
2006-09-30 17:25:38 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I had this exact same problem and the kids were 5,14 and 17.
I got it from all of them.
Nothing changed, I just refused to play the game, relied on the fact my family and friends knew me better and rode out the storm. Ten years later we split up
The kids were for some reason upset??? I think they started it and almost didnt know how to stop, or all the things I did for them over the years maybe made a difference
One thing I do know, the first xmas after we split up was the best ever, first one in ten years that wasnt spoilt by my partners kids deliberately trying to make mine miserable.
P.S My partner didnt do anythign about it, didnt really seem to hsee how it hurt me
2006-09-30 21:35:23 · answer #1 · answered by livachic2005 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Did you suddenly move in with them?
How old is the kids?
Do the kids feel comfortable with there mother being a lesbian? Is this an issue.
Are they getting the quality time alone with there mother?
Have they gotten to know you without there mother being around. Have you spent quality time with them?
Is there something about you that they feel isn't right for there mother?
Do you invade the kids space?
Are they hearing you and your g/f argue? And feel that you're mistreating there mother.
Why would the kids feel the need to go to one of your relatives to talk bad about you? Something isn't right about that. what did they say?
2006-09-30 19:14:57 · answer #2 · answered by What'd You Say? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
speedy30217,
I know that they seem really childish, and are, but the more important matter is tht they should matter more to your girlfriend than you.
That's really hard to hear, but it's the truth. They are her kids, and they deserve a home that is not disturbed by anyone on the outside. If you are a distraction, or a disturbance to their family, then I think that you need to stop going there.
I'm really sorry for being so blunt. I think that you will do fine knowing that you decided to die to yourself a little and give a family the peace they deserve. It will mean that you too grew up some.
2006-09-30 22:33:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing anything about your situation makes it difficult to answer. What are the ages of the kids? How many are there? Are they all talking crap or is it just one or two?
Communication is the key. Be open with your gf and tell her that it hurts you when her kids are mean and when she doesnt defend you or stand up to her own kids. If she wont defend you, then she doesnt love you enough and maybe it is time to give up at least until the kids are older.
2006-09-30 17:43:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sit down alone with the kids, tell them you know what they are doing and tell them to grow up!. Ask them what their problem with you is and maybe you will get to the bottom of it. If they were born brats then suggest boarding school ! Also tell them that causing trouble will stress their poor mother out, rather then them get their own way. Take away their TV / games console / pocket money / freedom until they behave. Phone supernanny !
2006-09-30 17:29:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
All you can do is just let them get to know you. Kids are crap, I remember when I was younger, I was very rebellious. Damn, I was a little s h i t. But in all seriousness, just try to relate to them, talk to them, and even be a little firm, but do not discipline them. That's the bio- parent's job, not the stepparent's.
2006-09-30 17:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
I think the best thing for you to do is to tell your gf what her kids are doing and that what they say actually hurts, also express to hear that you love her and want to continue being their, but that the way her kids treat you it makes you feel belittled.
2006-09-30 19:31:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is normal (specially for teenagers) to feel that you have invaded their lives and have this emotional response. Give their time and try to be at least for now in their lives.
Patience!
2006-10-01 05:52:50 · answer #8 · answered by Díscolo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd say the mom is the weak link here. She needs to step up and set the (her!) kids straight. I feel bad for you.
2006-10-01 01:21:49 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Please remember that they are children (as long as they are 18 and under). All children are resentful of all new people in their parent's life. You are taking their mom away from them (that is how they see it). And that hurts them.
Be an adult. Be loving toward them. Shrug off what they say (unless there is some truth to what they're saying--because if there is--you better shape up or ship out).
If you can't fall in love with her children, you don't really love her.
2006-09-30 17:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋