if your nice can you tell me something to make me laugh right know??? cuz i haven't laughed all day... and i always laugh...BUT not today.... so can you???
2006-09-30 17:14:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
but don't say things like ONLY IF YOUR NICE... CUZ THATS STUPID...
2006-09-30 17:17:21 · update #1
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur,entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.
"Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death?' "
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.
"Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, one student said, "You little ****. If you
say anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"! Teacher asked "Who said that?
Pedro: Dick Cheney 2006!
Mariah - I love getting picked as best answer but please read and pick Rose Tyler's response. Jokes are good and a matter of sense of humor and they come and go but Rose's story about the tub of margarine and her child and the dog can't be beat. If that wouldn't bring a smile and make laugh, I don't what will. Rose - this is one case where I bow and acknowledge that I have been upstaged. Perfect!!!!!!
2006-09-30 17:20:33 · answer #1 · answered by Spiritual but not religious 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Here's a few things.
Questions that have Confused humankind!!
a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
a.. Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
a.. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
a.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
a.. What do you call male ballerinas?
a.. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why
didn't he just buy dinner?
a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
a.. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
a.. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ***?
a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
2006-09-30 17:28:47 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
oftentimes YES oftentimes NO. Pregnancy indicators are the equal as indicators of a interval coming so oftentimes it is very rough to inform. tHE VERY BEST option to realize is to attend until a interval is past due and do a hometest. I used to be 7 weeks earlier than i learned with my daughter I NEVER felt in poor health pregnant sore boobs ANY SIGNS of being pregnant however, a + scan. With this being pregnant earlier than my interval used to be due i felt scorching, irriated, crampy, sore boobs, the whole thing smelled horrible. All being pregnant are differnt even though a females is having no indicators and a interval is past due it is exceptional to scan.
2016-08-29 09:52:51 · answer #3 · answered by sykes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Freind: You seem jumpy? Haven't you ever been on a long car ride before?
Me: How do you expect me to be calm where there is an amusement park right there and we're looking at baboons?
Friend: Do you know that if you stroke a shark from nose to tail its smooth, but if you stroke him from tail to nose, you can cut your hand?
Me: Kinda like my legs.
Sign: Please Keep Windows Rolled Up When Entering Bear Area. Please Do Not Fed Bears Passengers. Should not Bang on Windows.
--oops misprinted sign (at Drive through Safari Zoo)
2006-09-30 17:20:04 · answer #4 · answered by MMTS 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My five year old child just finished a tub of margarine and ten slices of vegan cheese and within minutes barfed all over my sleeping border collie! I don't think he (the dog) even knows what's going on yet!
2006-09-30 17:17:29 · answer #5 · answered by BritneySpearsSucks 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I haven't laughed in over 20 years. This world is so screwed up that there is nothing to laugh about any more.
2006-09-30 17:17:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
hey well me and my sister were on the bed talking and it was raining outside well I had my handcovering my mouth and then my sister wanted to pull my nail off and touch my eyebrows and then i tried not to laugh and as soon as she plucked 1 of my eyebrow the ph rang and she pissed in her pants. hahahahahahahahahahahahah!
Hope that made you laugh
and hope you feel better =)
2006-09-30 17:22:29 · answer #7 · answered by RoxyChick30 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
well i stubbed my toe today twice..my son had his 16 bday parta today in which he broke a bone in his elbow wrestlin wit a friend on the trampoline..and now my hair is so dry it itches..and i took a vicadin and now i am tired..so i hope others pain helps u feel better...oh n i just farted
2006-09-30 17:17:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
(say this out loud) how do you catch a poler bear? you cut a big hole in the ice, and place a green pea in the center. then, when the he goes over to "take a pea", kick him in the "ice-hole"
you have to say this outloud, otherwise you wont get it.
2006-09-30 17:18:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ok.... In Joke and Riddles category there are tons of jokes there... go there and read some.
2006-09-30 17:17:08 · answer #10 · answered by Dawn Treader 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋