what do you think this is?

Question

Wanted an opinion from people that have already settled down and have dealt with relationships. Is it weird to be in a relationship with someone and then when they are not around you get scared or feel like crying? Like i'm used to talking to my bf everyday but like if I dont hear from him by a certain time I get all weirded out and start worrying that something is wrong with him or that he is breaking up with me or something. I get very sad and upset when I do not hear from him for more than a few hours after a certain point. Whats your opinion...am I obsessed or just in love? Is it dangerous maybe? I hate feeling like this but it is just an anxiety I have about him leaving. We have a lot of problems but I still feel this way no matter how bad the relationship is going.

Answer 1

I don't mean to be rude, but it might help if you had some counseling, because it sounds like you have some impulse control/attachment issues.

Answer 2

unfortunately I have been in your shoes, its insecurity about the relationship, you said the relationship is up and down, it is natural to be worried, but you are an adult and obviously have trust issues I was like that with my ex, I can tell you now from my personal experience, in my situation they were internal warning signals, the relationship eventually ended, I ended up a single mom struggling. Now three years later, I have a much better job, and a wonderful fiance, whom I dont feel the urge to always "check up" on, I know whats up and am completely secure in my relationship with him so I dont worry so much. With my ex I never knew where he was, what he was doing or when he was coming home, so when he didnt call after a certain point I became a lunatic, calling him, and always trying to find out what was going on. Now to look back at it with an open mind, it was because I knew subconciously that the relationship was falling apart and was desperately trying to hold it together, but all I did was make it worse and it all came crumbling down anyway. Insecurity can make any sane person feel crazy. Are you in love, obsessed, or just afraid of what will be if you are not with him, I dont know you need to figure it out. But trust me, I am a totally different person now that I am not with him, and much better off mentally, physically and emotionally.

Answer 3

I have been in alot of relationships from good ones to band ones. There were times that I thought I had found my soulmate, but in the end it did not work out. I want to say that you learn from your past experince with people you have dated. You start to find and understand what type of person you are. Are you the jealous type, the obsessed type, or the one that worries to much. I don't personaly know you and how your problems are going, but if it does not work out then move on please. Don't stay stuck in the past. Until you finally know who you are and understand how you treat each other and also what types of people you like to date, will you find balance in your life. I have been married for 6 years now and know every aspect of my wifes feelings, no one is perfect and neither am I or my wife she may have things I don't like, but heck you just learn to live with it, but don't let it rule your relationship.

Answer 4

Its called love....and have you heard that love hurts? That's what you are feeling....you did not say but I am guessing that you have not been with this guy for very long....probably no more than 1 year. Don't worry in time you will get more comfortable in your relationship and will not worry as much. It wont mean that you love him any less....just that things are more stable and you will realize that you have no need to worry all the time.
Until then try to relax...everything is fine.

Answer 5

You sound like you have reasons for being insecure in this relationship. You gotta know he'll find someone who
argues less and treats him better in time. If you do not want to loose him change your ways fast. Stop being over bearing and have more confidence in yourself and in him. Getting upset and crying is not helping you so stop the tears and grow up some.

Answer 6

yes you're right, you are caught up in your head, obsessed as you call it, because you are not secure with the relationship, nor with yourself. it comes down to you. if you were confident with yourself, you would worry about the relationship but you wouldn't get carried away in your head with feeling scared or getting really upset. feeling these feelings is normal but it starts to become abnormal when it takes over you, which seems like this is the case.

Answer 7

that's a little excessive, don't you think? I know you think so since you asked this question. Find something else to fill your day. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with a man. You can't be in a healthy relationship if you're freaked out if your don't hear from him for a while. I know you miss him, but that's a little much. Good luck.

Answer 8

sounds unhealthy for sure. you need to seek counselling. there is something in your emotions that is causing you to feel insecure when he doesn't respond "on time" in your opinion.

What if he left you? You need to feel strong enough emotionally to deal with that before you go any further or before you have any more relationships.

It sounds as if you have a relationship addiction.

Answer 9

You are afraid of losing someone is your big fear. You may have insecurities yourself causing you to think this way. It can lead to a disaster in the relationship if not dealt with.

Answer 10

thats an unusually high level of anxiety in a relationship. you need to seek counselling. sounds like this is a codependency that is unhealthy. you need to be able to function on your own without worrying about others to that level.