"stop, please don't hurt me!" frank cried as the man grabbed him and bannged him against the wall roughly, handcuffing his hands. "Let me go"
"never, your my new playtoy, and i dont like it when they try to escape"
frank gulped when he realized what the man was implying. how was he going to get out of there?
2006-09-30 15:01:18 · 6 answers · asked by dOnNa 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
"Stop, please don't hurt me!" Frank cried as the man grabbed him and slammed him against the wall roughly, holding him down as he handcuffed his hands. "Let me go!" Frank screamed, struggling against the man's strong grip.
"Never," the man hissed in his ear, his breath hot and rancid. "You're my new playtoy and I don't like it when they try to escape," he continued, his voice soft but menacing.
Frank gulped when he realized what the man was implying. How in the world was he going to escape from this madman?
Sounds interesting...just make sure when you write that you slow down and put the details in so that people can see the ideas clearly.
2006-09-30 15:12:04 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Stop, please don't hurt me!" Frank cried as the man grabbed him and banged him against the wall roughly, handcuffing his hands. "Let me go."
"Never. You're my new playtoy, and I don't like it when they try to escape".
Frank gulped when he realized what the man was implying. How was he going to get out of there?
I disagree with Melissa. Your prose is to the point and graphic. No need for extra words. Actually your version creates a clearer mental picture and I am more interested to see if Frank is going to escape or become the bad guy's next victim.
2006-09-30 15:13:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I'd do is move the adverb next to the verb it's modifying.
"Stop! Please don't hurt me," Frank cried as the man grabbed him and roughly banged him against the wall, handcuffing his hands. "Let me go!"
"Never, you're (contraction of you are) my new playtoy..."
2006-09-30 15:57:22 · answer #3 · answered by pat z 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
frank became frantic and gulped. "How am I going to get out of here?" He asked himself as the man grabbed him and banged him roughly against the wall. "Stop! Please dont hurt me!" cried frank as he felt the handcuffs on his wrists. "Let me go!" "Never!" cried the man, "you are my new playtoy and I dont like it when they try to escape!"
2006-09-30 15:27:05 · answer #4 · answered by j6shawie26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want you to escape - is better. Not I don't like it when they try to escape.That sentence doesn't sound like it is happening at the moment. Watch spelling and capitals and put roughly banged him against the wall.Roughly is telling how he was banged.
2006-09-30 16:50:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Other than some minor spelling mistakes, I don't think it needs changing.
capital "S" on "stop"
capital "F" on "frank"
one "n" in "bannged"
capital "N" on "never"
"your" should be "you're"
capital "I" on "i"
apostrophe in "dont"
capital "F" on "frank"
capital "H" on "how"
2006-10-01 07:57:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋