my fiancee treats me like crap(thats my say so anyway) he dont do anything with me or my son , and everytime i try to say something he says, here we go again, another night of bitching.. i dont know f he is trying to make himself look and feel better. i usually go out by myself because he is glued to the tv, i am tired of doing things by myself, and when i do go out he thinks i a cheating on him, i love him and would never cheat on him, but i am tired of him calling me a bar fly, and now calling me (whoring around) i cry and get upset and he says ... are you feeling sorry for yourself , go take a pill to calm you down,,,, i really dont know what to do
2006-09-30 14:40:11 · 21 answers · asked by wanda h 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sounds to me like you are already alone....just sharing a place with someone....and NOT someone that you would marry. If what you are saying is true....then you mind as well be living on your own or just have a roommate because this "man" is not wanting to share his life with you. Time to move on and find someone who REALLY cares about you.
Best of luck
2006-09-30 14:48:37 · answer #1 · answered by oldman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a spot but one that is only going to get worse as time goes on if you don't do something to change it now. This man is the one you love however at the same time he doesn't want to do anything with you and treats your feelings as if they don't matter and this is before you have gotten married. You have to look at the whole picture here do you think this man will be there to support you if you have a child with him, you are sick, have a family crisis or anything else. Is he a man that can step in as a father and teach a child to ride a bike or throw a ball, hold them when they are sick and hurt. From what you have said on here the answer is no which means you will be doing everything for you, your kids and him on your own, you will be verbally abused and your children will grow up thinking it is ok because mom puts up with it. It also sounds as if he doesn't trust you which is going to be many years of turmoil. Send your son to grandma's for a night, unplug the tv and tell him it is time to talk. Tell him you are not feeling sorry for yourself but although you love him you are unhappy with the way your lives are going and if you are going to get married then he needs to help work it out. If he continues that nothing is wrong and it is all in your head then make other arrangements and start over. Emotionally you are already on your own and pretty much physically. Think long and hard before marrying someone who treats you this way. You have a son that will learn from what his family life is like and is this how you want him to think all families are? If you want to talk you can im me.
2006-09-30 15:04:18 · answer #2 · answered by Martha S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
and you wanna marry this loser? You are not in love with him, you have just slept with him and think you belong to him....Time to do a few things new...If it is your house...throw him out! If it is his, then just leave! You are not married to this...it will never get better! You don't belong to him! Take your child and run as far and as fast as you can...wait till he is away...you can do this gradually, by just getting rid of a few items at a time first have a garage sale, you need some money right???, send your favorite
things like picture albums to your parent's or a siblings home, or even storage if you can afford it....within a weeks time, you can just leave your couch potato on the couch and go to the store and not ever have need to return again. If you have a cell phone
get rid of it. If you have any existing bills that are in your name..open a post office box and change the address on the back of the bill is a place for this. If you have any shared accounts at the bank, go take your name off of his accounts so you will not be liable for any loans he has. If you have shared credit cards, cut them off cancel them and have your name taken off of them. Do not make a big fuss....just make a new plan SAM, slip out the back jack, you don't have to make an excuse,
just get on the bus, Gus...and make yourself free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-09-30 14:59:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to learn to love yourself, since he clearly doesn't love or trust you. Regardless of the fact that you have a child together; do you want your son to see how his father treats you, then think that's alright?
Don't worry about what he does. You make some plans for yourself that do not include him. It won't be easy, but it will be better in the long run. Get yourself some counseling so you will feel better about yourself, get yourself some reliable daycare for your child, and if you're not working, get yourself some training for a better job, so you won't have to depend on him for anything but child support.
Don't start on the drugs, because that'll be one more thing he'll complain about. Make yourself and your son your number one priority for now. When you feel better about yourself, tell him to either step up to the plate and become a man that you deserve, or tell him to step out. Good luck.
2006-09-30 14:56:08 · answer #4 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you love someone who treats you this way? Don't you think you deserve better?? I do. Don't marry this guy. Atleast your seeing him for who he really is before marriage. That way you don't have to go through a divorce a year latter. Find yourself someone who will treat you with respect and want to spend time with you. Life is too short to put up with bullsh*t like this. And your son deserves better as well. Think about him in all of this too. Good luck, hope you find the man of your dreams, cause the guy you are with now is not him.
2006-09-30 14:51:21 · answer #5 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you guys aren't ready to be married. You shouldn't put up with verbal abusive remarks like that. You both should talk and tell him how you feel, if he still treats you like that you should ask yourself is this want i want to be around the rest of my life, and what if the abusive remarks turn towards your son, that is not right. Take the time to think what you want to say, if he gets angry and won't listen you have to do whats best for you and your son, who is the most important man in your life right now.
2006-09-30 15:11:34 · answer #6 · answered by snowpanda200525 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you guys are in two total worlds right now. you BOTH, need to come to some sort of compromise if you both are to become married. If he doesn't enjoy going out i would suggest that you, him and your son go out for dinner once or twice a week. Since he enjoys watching tv, you can go rent a DVD and watch that together. Maybe even cooking dinner or takeout, whichever you prefer could be other suggestions for spending quality time together. If he's not into that then I suggest you dump him! Good luck!
2006-09-30 14:52:35 · answer #7 · answered by Ruth R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do. He is bit by bit, day by day whittling you down to where you have zero self esteem. He doesn't listen to you and trivializes your view of things. He doesn't care what your opinions are and won't listen to your concerns. At least, that is what I get from your question.
And you are going to marry this guy??!!
The first time he had said to me, "Here we go again..." I would have packed my bags and gone. If he doesn't respect you now, what makes you think it will get better?
Drop this a**hole before he has you completely convinced you are a loser who couldn't do better than him. Believe me, you can. Expect more from the people you partner with.
Good luck
2006-09-30 15:16:29 · answer #8 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wanda,
Ok you need to break the T.V. ..... make plans to do things with your son .... see if he wants to go along.... just anounce the idea "Hey Jimmy' and I were going to see the new movie Thursday .... you interested in comming too or ya wanna stay here" ..... Sounds like he is very self absorbed .... and you and your sone are just like furniture to him.
If he doesn't come around soon you may wanna trade up ... cause dating a potted plant isn't working for you.
Be happy withyour self, care for your son ... make the best family for him you can.... but the the man aint cutting it .... cut him loose!
2006-09-30 14:50:35 · answer #9 · answered by John 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that he doesn't want you to go out. Don't insist but try to adjust. Maybe he is the conservative type. Try to find interests or hobbies that you can do around the house. Go out only when it is necessary. I know you will get used to it.
By the way, I'm Asian. I'm not used to going out. When I'm not working in the office, I'm in the house all the time doing this and that. My man likes it that way.
2006-09-30 15:11:48 · answer #10 · answered by Ai 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋