is it ok what my mom did?

Question

10 months ago i got pregnant, i was 16, i used to live in Miami, she made move to Dominican Republic, with my aunts and made me abort my baby, i say made me, cause i was confused, i had a lot of prssure, my aunts didnt know, my boy didnt want the baby, i had 3 days in a new country and my she was on top of me, i was so depressed, i wasnt thinking at all, all i did was cry i has no clue about waht i had to do.
now im 17,i still live in DR with my aunts got a new boy an made new friends, life is good but i still think about my baby, my mom gives me all i want. should i forgive her, should i talk to her normally, what should i do?

Answer 1

I guess it was hard to go through it, but I think your mom had only your well being in mind.

I have heard of too many cases where teenage mothers find it difficult to bring up babies - with little or no income, limited education and not much help from the father of the child (who often abandons them when they learn how hard it can be to bring up baby)

Your mom wanted you to enjoy your adolescence - you have plenty of years left to have children. But before that you need to be well educated, have a stable job to have a child - who knows if you had the baby. he or she might have got into drugs/ crimes? Or what if your mom had cut ties with you and left you holding the baby with no support? She did what she did, because she cares and loves you.

Above all, remember, most mothers often think the best for their child.

Answer 2

Niether you nor your mom were able to care for a baby. It may not have been right, but now that it has been done, there is no undoing it.
Why lose your mom too? Someday you can sit down and talk to her about it, but first you need to think things out rationally.
You could not care for that baby on your own. Your boy friend was not interested in helping and it would have been unfair to expect your aunts to do so when they seem to be helping you and your mom out already.
If you had tried to have the baby it would have been a health risk. Babies take a lot out of a womans body, and you are still growing some. There's a possiblility the baby may have had problems too. There is always a risk of death with a pregnancy.
One out of every 6 pregnancies end in a miscarriage normally.
The best thing you can do now is learn from your experiences. Take precautions if you have sex or don't have sex at all. Things could turn out worse if you and the baby were infected with syphilous, AIDS, or any of the many varieties of STDs that are flourishing now.
Forgive yourself, forgive your mom and start over. She did what she thought was best. Later when you are a mom hopefully you will not be faced with the same type of decisions. Look ahead to the future and do not get bitter about the past. Decisions are made, right or wrong, you just need to get on with life.
Your mom doesn't sound like she is so terrible that you should hold a grudge.
Your ex boy friend should be "fixed" or branded as an irresponsible idiot. The males of this planet can spread diseases and unwanted pregancies at an alarming rate if they are not stopped or held responsible for their offspring. Women should not have to bear the burden of all responsiblity for rearing some guys unwanted offspring. We do not need any male running around having sex on a whim. That is how AIDS spreads so fast. That leaves the child branded as not having a father for life. When a couple has sex and makes a baby it affects their families and their societies.
Having unprotected sex is irresponsible. I hope you have learned not to make that mistake again, whether your new boyfriend is fantastic or not, you are still rather young to begin a family.
Yes, talk to your mom normally. Someday when niether of you are emotional, talk about the abortion and put it in the past once and for all. After 20 to 30 years you may not even remember the incident, but you will have each other to talk to if you keep the lines of communication open.

Answer 3

Alexandra! I am sorry about what happened to you. I want you to know this same thing happened to me when I was 16. My mom thought that this was the best thing for me. I am now 33 married and have four beautiful children. At the time I also was confused and didn't really know what to do. My boyfriend at the time didn't know either. In retrospect I am grateful for my mother taking that decision away from me. After all I was only 16. Now that I am a mother I can see both sides of the coin. My mother did for me what I could not do for myself she gave me a future.

You will always feel a loss for the child that you never had. This is not a bad thing. It will keep you from making the same mistake again. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive your mother. She was only doing what she thought was best for you.

I hope this helps knowing that you are not alone and that this has happened to other people. Having an abortion at any age is difficult, but you are young and have plenty of time to have children. I wish you much happiness and success in your future. try not to spend too much time dwelling on the could have should have would have's and look to your futurewith optimism. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Well, to answer your original question, No, it is not okay what your mother did. She mishandled the situation badly. Now let me say as a mother, when they hand you your baby in the delivery room, no one gives you an instruction manual. A lot of the time you are winging it. What sounds reasonable to one person is not for another. I'm not trying to defend her actions, she was wrong, but she probably knows she reacted poorly.

I'm sorry for you. You were too young to make a good decision that is hard for even the most mature adult. But you made it. Try to go forward now, even though it may be hard. Don't agonize over something that never was. Forgive yourself, and, if you can, your mother. Just learn from your experience and try to make something good out of your life now.

Answer 5

You should forgive her and have a HUGE heart to heart. Your mother was doing what she knows best- trying to protect her daughter. Whether what she did was the right thing is obviously up for debate, but what's done is done. It's time to move on together. Tell your mother how you're feeling- the fact that you had an abortion is a HUGE part of your life, and it's perfectly healthy to have confused feelings about it. Your mother needs to know how you feel about the whole thing, especially since you feel you were duped into the abortion in the first place. Don't accuse her of anything- just tell her how you feel. The two of you need to be completely open and honest with one another. There's no sense in you keeping all of this bottled up without your mother, who should be your best friend and confidante, knowing how you're feeling. Best wishes for the future. :)

Answer 6

That is a very hard question. You have to do some soul searching. I personally think your mom was scared for you and thought she was doing what was best for you. But she probably didnt know what she was actually doing when she forced you to have the abortion.

I would talk to you mom. You can love someone but hate what they do. I think you may be feeling that. I would have to tell you to search your heart. You definatly lost a piece of you when you got the abortion. People get depressed after the procedure but you can go talk to a counselor or someone you are close to and get your feelings out. I think you have to figure out yourself before you can figure out your mother.

I will say a little prayer for you and dont worry everything works out. You are young and you had a lot on your shoulders. Take it a day at a time.

Answer 7

this is really hard, but the sure thing is that your mom did this for your own sake only, and not for any other reason. she probably realises what it means to be 16 and have a baby alone, while now you can enjoy few years to the maximum, before growing up and having babies and experience other kinds of joy.

don't be mean to your mom and of course forgive her and keep talking to her, it's not easy what she did and i'm sure she got so worried about you. a mom is so presious you should always appreciate her and not take her for granted and never make her sad.

hope you will have many babies later when the right time comes.

Answer 8

Poor girl.. you need a group of people to talk to about this.
Having an abortion is not an easy thing for a lot of women to get over easily.. now or ever.. And to have had it forced on you is another thing. Talk to your mom ( cause she will always be your mom .. or some other female you feel close to) and ask her why .. was it she felt it was what would be best for you and your future?...
In the meantime find an online group to join to talk to other women who have gone thru this & to be your support group. Because this is what you are looking for here and obviously need.
Support and validation.
Good luck babygurl!

Answer 9

As a physician who has worked with many teen's I have to say as difficult as it has been, you may have made the right choice. Children are not for our amusement, fun, guilt or lack of it and if you are planning on being a mom do it when you have every thing to give because they deserve it. I have seen way too many young women who end up with less and less everyday because of all that it involves to be a parent.
As someone who has had to make that choice myself, it's emotionally devastating but what is worst is to have a child when you are not ready. Please use your life wisely, become the best you can be and you'll have no choice but to make the best mom you can be for your future child/s. Just expect much more than mediocrity from your self.. Please

Answer 10

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